BOOOOOOOOOOOOO: I Hate These Eagles

Last night, I begrudgingly went to the Eagles-Panthers Monday Night Football spectacle despite my better judgment. The main reason is because my roommate had two tickets that were literally going to go to waste if I didn't take them, and even with this team being my least-liked Philadelphia Eagles team of my entire life, I can't just let tickets go to waste unnecessarily in good faith.

Plus, I was kind of looking forward to the shit show that was sure to ensue, and that's exactly what happened.

We all know the Eagles lost 30-22 in yet another pathetic display of effort by everyone not named Bryce Brown. But even the rookie running back couldn't stave off the failure in his breakout game, putting the ball on the turf twice to put a damper on his 178-yard, two-touchdown game.

I actually was reveling in the chorus of early boos as the Birds fell behind 14-3, playing with the type of effort that can only be described as nonexistent. In fact, it actually peeved me a little bit when the Eagles came back, took the lead and looked like they may actually be trying to win a game for once.

But those feelings quickly dissipated as the Eagles once again displayed their true character, turning the ball over, failing in the red zone and, on one late drive, jumping offsides on three consecutive plays. It was the most Eagles performance of the season in a year full of Eagles performances.

The only thing that made the trip worthwhile was the induction of Troy Vincent into the Eagles Hall of Fame. After all, Troy was one of my favorite players ever, and he and Bobby Taylor were key in the rise of Jim Johnson. That duo allowed Johnson to craft his elaborate blitzes at any time because he knew he could trust Bobby and Troy to not get beat in man coverage. That was truly a great cornerback duo.

All I could think about watching Troy speak as he thanked the fans is how disgusted he must be with this current crop of players, particularly on defense. The secondary is clueless and yet again had at least a half dozen communication breakdowns despite Todd Bowles proclaiming those should not be happening at this time of the year. The line still can't get the job done, and the linebackers were exposed yet again. This team stinks.

The worst part about it is, even after a seventh straight loss and with the team sitting at 3-8, these guys still seem to believe there's reason to congratulate themselves. Colt Anderson, who quite literally cannot play football, celebrated after making a play on special teams. Really, Colt? You're 3-7 at the time and on the way to 3-8, with the worst special teams coverage in the NFL, and you make one play and think you're hot shit? Go pound sand. Seriously. Fuck off. Forever.

And Trent Cole, hoo boy I have turned on Trent Cole. Here's a guy who has completely fallen off the cliff this season, quite literally being invisible the entire year. Then all the sudden last night he makes a few plays in the backfield like he remembered he's Trent Cole and makes sure the crowd knows it was him making the play. Go fuck yourself, Trent. Keep telling us how good you and Jason Babin are while dong nothing, and keep acting fake tough as you get blown off the ball. This is a defense that is all talk, with absolutely no heart or desire to back it up. They suck.

I hate this Eagles team more than I've ever hated any other team I've rooted for in my entire life. They are a collection of selfish, clueless players who continue to, even now, act as if their record doesn't reflect who they really are. Well guess what, you assholes are 3-8, you are one of the worst teams in the NFL and you are just a shitty, shitty group of players.

No amount of self-congratulations can mask that. You suck. I hate you all. And I've never wanted an Eagles season to end sooner.

I hope you're used to those boos, because they're only going to get louder and more pronounced, even as the crowds get thinner and thinner.

Changing Our Colors

It's no secret that the Phillis suck complete and utter ass at home this season, which makes absolutely no sense for a team that went the entire 2008 postseason without a loss at home. But the numbers don't lie. The Phils are an abysmal 13-19 at Citizens Bank Park this season, the second worst home record in all of baseball, trailing only that AAA squad from the nation's capital (10-22).



It's never a good thing to be compared to the Nationals. Never.

Now, there are many things that can be contributing to this putrid performance in the House That Glanville Built (cough shitty pitching cough), but we'll leave that analysis to the experts. Instead, I'd like to focus on what we, the fans, should do about it.

There have been murmurs that the fans have become a little too content with last season's run to becoming World Fucking Champions, thus the boos aren't raining down quite as hard or quite as often, even when deserved. Maybe that's the case. I'm ashamed to say I really haven't been to enough games yet this season to really know.

But what I do know is the Phillies kick major ass on the road this season. Look it up. Fine, I'll do it for you. The Phils are a ridonkulous 23-9 away from Philadelphia, far and away the best road record in baseball. That, and the fact that the rest of the division sucks, is why the Phillies are still in first place.

So that got the old brain thinking. Seeing as the Phils can barely claim they're better than the Nationals at home, and seeing as they look every bit like the World Fucking Champions they are on the road, what if the fans did something so insane that it just might work? Something almost sacreligious. What if the Philadelphia faithful turned Citizens Bank into a road atmosphere?



Think about it. The Phils come to their home stadium and see nothing but the opposing team's jerseys in the stands. Instead of donning your Chase Utley jersey, trade it in for a Brian Roberts shirt this weekend. Hell, you can even break out your Adam Eaton jersey while the Orioles are in town. What? Eaton got cut? Now he's in Colorado? Yeah, sounds about right.

But hey, you get the idea. Break out the Aubrey Huff jersey, the Nick Markakis T-shirt. Make Citizens Bank look like Camden Yards. Maybe it will trick the Phils, make them think they're on foreign soil, and actually get a win.

Yeah, I know, it will take some dedication on the fans' part. They'll have to buy some Orioles shit and, fuck, who the hell likes Baltimore anyway? That sucks. But at this point, the Phillies could use any psychological advantage they can get.

Of course, this is a stupid idea, and one I'd never even partake in myself. But it was a thought. See what happens when you suck so much at home, Phillies? You make me go crazy. Get your head out of asses. And hey, Ryan Howard, if you're done with talking about it and don't want to hear the questions anymore, here's a fucking novel idea: STOP STRIKING OUT AND WIN A FUCKING SERIES AT HOME!!!!!!!

Baseball can be so annoying sometimes.

We're Back

Some Phillies comments while the Reverend roots for North Carolina in the title game tonight. Me, go Spartans +7.5. 3 Chipotle burritos on that.

You may have heard, there were some boos in the stands last night at Citizens Bank Park.



I laid on a few of them. Granted, they were reserved for Chipper Jones and the paratrooper who missed the stadium (just kidding, hope you made the landing OK man, that was scary). But Brett Myers got booed when he gave up his 3rd homer of the night in the second inning. Not a deep, 44,000-strong chorus, but significant boos nonetheless. This as ole Adam EatShit, sitting next to me in section 102, was screaming at Brett to get back to the minors. In the second inning of the first game of the season, no more than an hour after the championship banner was hoisted. A little extreme, perhaps, given said banner.

Well as many bloggers, radio hosts, prognosticators and pontificators far and wide said today, this was out of hand. How bad are Philly fans that they boo their World Series championship team an hour into their title defense?

The crowd went from getting fired up for a 2 out, 2 strike pitch in the first inning to barely noticing during any of Myers' 6 strikeouts in his 6 innings of work. We were down 4-0 and it felt like 12-0 in a meaningless game in the middle of the season. In true mid-July form, a good half of the seats were empty by the time the top of the ninth rolled around. This in the most anticipated opening day in 28 years. On a national stage, the first baseball game of the season. I must admit, there were some disappointing moments in both the play on the field and the crowd's reaction to it.



Why? There are plenty of reasons. For one, the 50% of the crowd in the under-30 set was flat wasted. The lot had the atmosphere of a rock concert, not a baseball game. Take the chick in front of us who was so shitfaced that she thought some middle-aged man and his 10 year old son stole her championship pennant. To the point she threatened to stab him. This high level intoxication had half the fans out of the game and surely was cause for many early exits.

Rather than making excuses though, I'd like to think there were boos, early exits, drunkenness, and anything else you would have seen at a Phillies game 10 years ago (sans WFC championship celebrations) taking place last night because the game was played in Philadelphia. And in Philadelphia, we boo if you suck, cheer if you do good, and threaten to stab people who take their kids to games and steal giveaways (no seriously, that girl was sloshed and obviously misguided).

I know it's only one title and not the 6 that Boston has won since 2001, but let's hope our recent success after years of suffering won't turn us into the complete bunch of smug assholes that Boston has become. We won't lose our identity. You tuned into a game in Philadelphia last night, and you saw Philly fans being themselves. As it should be.

Only 161 more to go.

Let's go Phils

And Flyers, and Sixers.

Roger Goodell is Out of His God Damn Mind

I saw this yesterday on Deadspin via USA Today

That's right, Roger Goodell and the NFL actually is implementing a code of fan conduct that basically prohibits every, single, solitary action that NFL fans partake in at every, single, fucking NFL game. Particularly damning to Eagles fans is a rule that forbids fans from verbally or physically abusing opposing fans. Apparently Fuhrer Roger has never actually been in an NFL stadium.



Looks like there will be no one in the seats at any game in any city this year.

KSK and You Been Blinded each have some pretty hilarious takes on the subject. I hope something very horrible, very hypocritical happens to Roger Goodell and his family. He sucks.