Monday Night Quarterback

Over the years, Monday Night Football has done some truly horrendous things: Tony Kornheiser, Dennis Miller, Joe Theismann, just to name a few. When I'm watching football, I want commentators that are going to discuss football, specifically offering insight. That's why I was excited when ESPN put together a team of Mike Tirico, Ron Jaworski and John Gruden.



Tirico is as solid as they come as far as play-by-play guys are concerned, and we all know how incredibly knowledgeable both Jaws and John Gruden are when it comes to the game of football. So far this preseason, I've actually been enjoying the broadcast pretty much the entire time.

True to form, Jaws has been his informative, engaging self. And surprising to just about everyone I think, Gruden has shown a lot of personality and genuine excitement in his new gig. The insights of a Super Bowl-winning coach and a long-time NFL quarterback have enhanced my viewing experience … or at least not taken away from it.

But sweet fucking christ do these guys LOVE talking about quarterbacks. That's certainly no surprise, seeing as Jaws played the position and Gruden was somewhat of a quarterback "guru" who loved the most important position so much that he brought in 25 quarterbacks virtually every season in Tampa Bay.



It's not that Jaws and Gruden avoid talking about players at other positions. Far from it. They actually do a pretty damn good job at giving everyone their due respect … I'm not sure if you've heard, but this Antoine Winfield character isn't your typical corner — he likes to hit!

But there's no question these two won't pass up an opportunity to talk quarterbacks any chance they get. I guess it's natural. But my lasting impression from last night's broadcast, besides a few quips about Adrian Peterson, Percy Harvin and Winfield, were the health of Matt Schaub and just about everything under the sun about Brett Favre.

Maybe last night's game was a bad example, seeing as Gruden was Favre's quarterbacks coach for three years in Green Bay (and it was ESPN-favorite Favre's first appearance on ESPN's MNF since "unretiring" [what a douche]), perhaps making him more inclined to talk about No. 4. I have to admit though, watching Gruden mimic his former hand signals to Favre from back in the day was pretty entertaining.

I am legitimately happy with this trio, and I look forward to watching Monday Night Football sans the forced comic relief. But I get the feeling Jaws and Gruden will be reminding us again and again that the quarterback is the most important position on the field.

But hey, it sure as shit beats listening to Theismann and Kornheiser.

SWEEP, SWEEEEEEPPPP

I'm at a loss for words right now about the Phillies. A sweep of the Brewers to pull in a tie of the wild card and a game behind the douchebag Mets? Really? Joe Blanton pitched 7 innings and only gave up three runs? Did that even happen? Brett Myers has become one of the top 5 pitchers in the NL in the past two months? Jamie Moyer isn't dead?







Just when you think this team is dead, they come back even stronger then before. It's nice to see that fucking idiot, Jimmy Rollins, pulling his usual suck through the first 5 months of the season, and become the best leadoff man in baseball in September again. He does this every year, except for last year, where he was good most of the year. Also, Ryan Howard, you simply are the man. That's it. I don't even remember April or May. You are an amazing giant person. Thank you for being alive.



I'm not sure that there is another pitcher around that wants the ball as much as Brett Myers does right now. That guy has been incredible. In game 2 of the double header, you come along and pitch a complete game 2 hitter. I kinda wish the Phillies would have faced Sabathia this weekend. It would have been nice to give him his first loss in the National League. I must give some respect to Jamie Moyer for asking to pitch on three days rest and coming up with a huge win against the Brewers. There are a lot of guys in the Majors who wouldn't have the balls to come out there in September, on a short rest and pitch a gem. *COUGH* COLE HAMELS *COUGH* PUSSY *COUGH*. But to be 105 years old and do it is incredible. The guy has far exceeded any expectations you could have for someone that throws 80 miles per hour tops. I just hope Cole Hamels is watching and learning.

I swear if this team loses 2 out of three to the Braves now, I will stab something.



In other news, I hate Monday Night Football games. They take too long to get here. Every football game in the NFL that the Eagles play should take place at 1 o'clock on Sundays. I hate sitting around waiting and watching other jerks play football.

Kudos to the guy in the Phillies crowd yesterday after the Shane Victorino home run, wearing the Romo is a Homo t-shirt. And thank you for the camera man for keeping the camera on him for a good three seconds so we could all see it. Also, if it's on tv, it has to be true. I think that's the rule with t-shirts. If I could, I would go to Dallas right now and slap Romo in the face. I could only wish that he gets the same disease that Tom Brady and Charlie Weis have been stricken with. (Speaking of Charlie, that was absolutely awesome on Saturday.)



There is nothing in the world worse than a Dallas fan. I saw a little kid in a grocery store last week wearing a Romo jersey and I had to stop myself from spitting on him. What a fucking faggot kid. What is wrong with parents these days. That's half the problem with our society. Little faggots wearing Cowboys shirts. They should all be punched in the face. I hope their friends at school slam their faces into walls. With that being said, I say Donovan rapes the Cowboys tonight, and I'm going out of the limb here, but I;m willing to bet that Roy Williams bites on a play action fake and gets beat deep on a long touchdown pass to DeSean.