Cliff Lee Is Still The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived

Cliff Lee: 8 innings pitched, 14 strikeouts, 0 walks, 3-for-4 at the plate, 1 run, 4 RBI, a triple. Yep, he's still the greatest man who ever lived.

Things You Don't See Every Day, Phillies Edition

Yesterday I attended my first day Phillies game of the 2012 season, expecting a beautiful day at the ballpark. Before I left to meet up with uncle jellyfish and a friend of ours, I checked the weather, which called for a pretty nice day until later, when the rains would be coming in. Looked like we'd be good for the game.

So naturally, the clouds came roaring in along with some decent rain to drench us. It was just that kind of bizarre afternoon — the kind where things happen that you don't see every day.

For starters, when I met my friend outside the third base gate, a giant, inflatable tooth walked right past us. I can't believe I didn't take a picture of it, but apparently it was a Cavity Busters promotion, since that place is advertising the shit out of itself at CBP.



Talk about something you don't see every day.

Then I purchased the biggest can of beer I have ever seen in my life over at Xfinity Live before heading into Citizens Bank Park.



Yeah, one quart of beer in a can. That's how my Sunday got kicked off, a enormous inflatable tooth and a gigantic can of beer. I should have known things were going to get weird.

How weird? Hector Luna batting cleanup weird. Juan Pierre getting a bunt double weird. Yeah, I said bunt double. With no error. Just a legit bunt down the third base line for a double. That really happened. I swear.

Oh, and a pitcher looking like the most dangerous hitter in the entire game weird.



Now, we all know Carlos Zambrano is one of the best hitting pitchers in baseball, but yesterday, he quite literally looked like the best hitter out there period. So awesome, in fact — going 2-for-4 with a mammoth opposite-field home run to go along with a single and two runs scored — that I honestly would rather have Zambrano batting cleanup than anyone else in the lineup for the Phillies yesterday, especially Hector Luna. You know your season is in trouble when the opposing pitcher strikes more fear at the plate than anyone in your own lineup.

Yet that's where we are right now when the Phillies decide to give Carlos Ruiz a day off. The Phils' lineup was this unrecognizable murderer's row (with updated bathing average after yesterday's 5-1 debacle):

Jimmy Rollins (.237)
Juan Pierre (.340)
Hunter Pence (.269)
Hector Luna (.333)
Shane Victorino (.251)
Placido Polanco (.290)
Freddy Galvis (.227)
Brian Schneider (.276)
Joe Blanton (.048)

Take a look at that lineup again. Honestly, does anyone with the exception of Pence really strike any fear in an opposing pitcher? Anyone? Rollins looks washed up at the dish right now. Pierre is a singles hitter (or bunt doubles hitter). Luna is a career minor leaguer. Shane has been horrible this year. Polanco is a stronger, much slower Pierre at this point. Galvis is batting .227. Brian Schneider is Brian Schneider. That is one sorry lineup, which explains why the Phillies scored one measly run with just six hits.

Then you look at the Marlins and you see why this team is currently in a three-way tie for first place in the NL East. Jose Reyes wreaks havoc with his speed at the top. Omar Infante does now what Polanco used to do as a two-hole hitter. Hanley Ramirez is a stud, evident by his home run explosion against the Phillies this weekend.
Mike
Giancarlo Stanton can kill baseballs. Hell, former Phil Greg Dobbs had himself two hits yesterday and is batting nearly .300.

Even the struggling Marlins at the bottom of the order got back on track against the increasingly overmatched Joe Blanton, with John Buck, Chris Coghlan and Zambrano, the 7-8-9 hitters, went a combined 5-for-11 with four runs and an RBI yesterday.

It was the kind of bottom-of-lineup production you don't see every day, particularly when the batters occupying those spots all came in batting below the mendoza line.

Then again, there were plenty of things you don't see everyday going on yesterday. It's just one of those type of years, it seems.

A Blowout, a Blown Save, a Protest and Cliff Lee

This Labor Day weekend had a whole lot of stuff you don't normally see — a Penn State kicker missing two field goals and an extra point, a blown save by the Phillies and a game played under protest — as well as the expected Cliff Lee dominance.



Things began normally with the Phillies opening their series with the Marlins by winning 5-3 thanks in large part to John Mayberry's two-run home run and three RBI night, continuing to hit the shit out of the ball. But beginning on Saturday, the abnormal started to take over.

In fact, the out-of-the-ordinary occurrences kicked off right from the opening kickoff for Penn State's 2011 season, with Chaz Powell taking the ball back 95 yards for a touchdown on the very first play of the season.



I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I saw Penn State return the opening kickoff of the season for a touchdown. Pretty nice way to start your season, even if it was against Indiana State.

As for the rest of the game, it's incredibly hard to take anything away from a 41-7 blowout against a vastly inferior team. In fact, the only thing to really take away is that red-shirt junior kicker Evan Lewis should never be allowed to kick another football in his life. Lewis got the start over expected kicker Anthony Fera because Fera has been buried deep in Joe Paterno's doghouse. The problem is, Lewis has a weak, inaccurate leg that probably wouldn't even earn him starting status on most good high school teams. He missed both his field goal attempts — from 38 and 47 yards — and even missed a freakin extra point, not to mention that he was routinely getting his kickoffs no farther than the 15, often at the 20.

He may very well be an excellent guy, but Evan Lewis is not a Division I kicker. He just isn't. Penn State simply cannot afford to have him kick against Alabama next week, or the the defending national champs will be starting damn near every possession at midfield.

If Fera's indiscretions are too serious to allow him back on the field, at least go with freshman Sam Ficken on Saturday. At least he made his extra-point attempt and kicked off farther than Lewis.

Other than that, it was good to see Penn State handle Indiana State so easily. The defense was outstanding, with the defensive line getting tons of pressure, and it was really nice to see the offensive line dominate in run blocking, which allowed Silas Redd to gain 104 yards on just 12 carries. If you remember last year, the Penn State offensive line struggled to run block even against the bad teams it played, so it was nice to see them create huge holes and get a big push. Also, Silas Redd is definitely going to be special. You can just see it.

As for the quarterbacks, no one really stood out, though Rob Bolden's numbers were hindered by tons of drops. On the first drive alone, Bolden threw a perfect deep ball to Derek Moye that Moye dropped, another difficult throw with a man in his face to Justin Brown that Brown couldn't quite adjust on and didn't make any terrible decisions. Matt McGloin had a better statistical day, but he made me cringe by throwing at least three balls that should have been picked off, especially an atrocious one right to a defensive lineman as he was being wrapped up.

Say what you want about Bolden, but the guy does not just toss ill-advised throws to the opposition the way McGloin does. I'd start him next week against Bama just like last year and go from there.

Anyway, like I said, kinda hard to take too much away from the game, so here are the highlights.



A few hours later, and then an hour or so after it was supposed to start, the Phils and Marlins finally got underway after a rain delay. Cole Hamels did his job, going seven innings, surrendering just four hits and three runs while driving in a run himself and leaving with the lead. Then another rare happenstance occurred, with Antonio Bastardo, easily the Phillies' bullpen MVP this season, couldn't throw a strike, walking both batters he faced in the 8th before being lifted for David Herndon. Then Herndon gave up a three-run home run to Gaby Sanchez, and two more solo shots for good measure as the Phils lost 8-4 thanks to the blown save and loss by Bastardo and Herndon. Ugly.

But of course, nothing could prepare us for what occurred on Saturday, with the Phillies losing 5-4 while playing a game under protest.

Obviously, everyone knows what happened at this point.



We could argue until we're blue in the face as to the merits of using instant replay in this instance, and we certainly can all agree that Joe West is a bona fide asshole. He always has been and always will be. Every time he umpires a Phillies game, I always remember when Lenny Dykstra once asked Joe West to move slightly off the first base line so Dykstra could see something, probably his first base coach, more clearly, and West flatly refusing. I just had that guy.

But ultimately, whether or not instant replay should have been used (it shouldn't have), the call was the correct one. A Phillies fan clearly interfered with Bryan Petersen as he tried to make the catch. That's indisputable. So by rule, Hunter Pence was called out and Ryan Howard was forced to go back to first. Fine. Whatever.

Here's my biggest problem with the whole thing, and I have to give credit to silver fox for pointing this out: If the rule is that the batter is automatically out on a fan interference play, why wouldn't fans always try to interfere with plays within their reach when the opposition is batting? Think about it, if a batter is automatically out on fan interference, conceivably every time a ball looks like it may drop for a hit near the fence, a fan could reach over and get in the fielder's way, thus the batter is out. What's stopping fans from becoming a part of the outcome with that rule? It's a flawed rule that should be changed some how, though admittedly I'm not sure how. Awarding a ground-rule double poses the same problem, only for the opposite side. What I do know is that the batter shouldn't be punished just like the fielder shouldn't for fan interference.

Also, this.

Maybe Major League Baseball should look into a rule where seats have to be so far away from the outfield fence so things like this don't happen. I don't really know the solution, but I do know that that play sucked for Hunter Pence and the Phillies and certainly affected the outcome of the game.

Having said that, the Phillies most definitely didn't lose because of that game. In actuality, they win that game if Roy Halladay catches the flip from Ryan Howard that he dropped. The play was screwed up from the start because Roy didn't break off the mound right away to cover first, but even with that, Howard gave Roy a good toss, but Halladay just dropped it. If he catches it, Sanchez doesn't score and the game probably never goes to extras.

Also, they win the game if the bullpen could just hold the lead that Ryan Howard gave them with his huge two-out, two-run single in the 7th. But it couldn't because for some reason Bastardo was unavailable after facing just two batters the night before, which makes absolutely no sense to me given that the Phillies bullpen has thrown the least amount of innings in baseball. Michael Schwimer showed why he isn't really a big leaguer, walking three and surrendering a hit to allow Florida to tie it, and from there it was the game that would never end.

David Herndon, who would turn out to be the goat for the second day in a row thanks to his bases-loaded walk in the 14th to end the game, deserves a little slack. For starters, Herndon shouldn't be in position to throw as much as he has lately, but with Kendrick on paternity leave and Bastardo unavailable, he was forced to go once Brad Lidge and Michael Stutes did their jobs. And while that 2-1 pitch to Mike Cameron in that final at-bat was without a shadow of a doubt a strike, changing the entire complexion of that at-bat, really it was inevitable that Florida was going to win that game.

Herndon was skating around trouble every single inning, while the Phils weren't threatening at all in extras. I mean, Herndon walked 7 guys, five of them intentionally, and was getting hit hard, albeit at his fielders, especially drawn-in outfielders. Sooner or later, the Marlins were going to get someone home, and they did.

Talk about a wild weekend. Thankfully, Cliff Lee was there to restore order last night, pitching his sixth freaking complete-game shutout of the season and most definitely entering the Cy Young discussion as the Phillies destroyed the Braves 9-0.



Lee gave up just 5 hits while striking out 6 and walking no one in his league-leading 6th shutout, shutting up Chipper Jones and his stupid old mouth in the process. He also continued to be awesome at hitting, going 1-for-4 with a run scored.

Meanwhile, the offense pummeled Derek Lowe, with the 2-5 hitters going 8-for-16 with 6 runs scored and 5 RBIs, including a home run by Howard and three RBIs by Pence.

Cliff Lee, for real.

David Herndon and Danys Baez Are the Same Terrible Pitcher

Sure, you can blame the Phillies' 7-6 loss last night to the Marlins on Domonic Brown perhaps missing second base, as Brown did himself being the standup guy that he is, but that would be misguided. Because the real reason that the Phillies lost is that Charlie Manuel called on the two worst pitchers on his roster to try and hold a lead.





In case you missed it, Charlie lifted Kyle Kendrick after 5 innings, and after the Phils scored on John Mayberry's second home run of the game, David Herndon entered with a 6-3 lead. Herndon proceeded to give up a leadoff single to Hanley Ramirez followed by a mammoth two-run home run to Logan Morrison to turn a three-run lead very quickly into a one-run lead. His final stat line: two-thirds of an inning pitched, 3 hits, 2 earned runs. Awful.

Then after the Marlins tied it up and the game was still tied in the 9th, Charlie called upon Baez. When they put the numbers up for Baez this season, I actually uttered the words, "He does not have a single good statistic this year." Not one. Entering the night, Baez's numbers were as follows: 2-3, 33.2 innings pitched, 38 hits, 23 runs allowed, 20 earned runs, 12 walks, 16 strikeouts, 5.35 ERA. Like I said, not a single good statistic to his name.

So of course, after one miraculous 1-2-3 inning in the ninth, Baez served up a hanging meatball to Mike Stanton, who hit a ball so god damn hard and far that it was still going up when it hit the vacant seats in left field to give the Marlins the 7-6 victory.



Herndon and Baez combined to pitch 2 innings, surrendering four hits, three runs and two home runs between them, completely wasting Mayberry's two-homerun, three-RBI performance.

Honestly, despite that one good outing by the two of them to lead to Wilson Valdez inconceivably picking up a win, David Herndon and Danys Baez have not done this team any good. At all. They are the same terrible pitcher, and if you don't believe me, check the numbers.

Herndon this year has appeared in 23 games. His numbers: 0-2, 5.14 ERA, 28 innings pitched, 32 hits, 17 runs, 16 earned runs, 5 home runs, 9 walks, 16 strikeouts, 1 hit by pitch, 1.46 WHIP.

Baez has appeared in 28 games this season. His numbers: 2-4, 5.40 ERA, 35 innings pitched, 39 hits, 24 runs, 21 earned runs, 4 home runs, 12 walks, 18 strikeouts, 3 hit by pitches, 1.46 WHIP.

Both with losing records, both 2 games under .500, both with ERAs above 5, both giving up more hits than innings pitched, both failing to strike batters out, and both with terrible 1.46 WHIPs.

Seriously, they are the exact same terrible pitcher, and there's no reason that either one should be on this roster, let alone both. Yet here they've been, all season on this roster, wasting valuable spots and hurting the team. It just makes absolutely no sense.

Given how incredibly worthless they are and how admirably Mayberry has played when given the opportunity, it would be not only unfair, but completely idiotic to demote Mayberry after the all-star break while retaining Herndon and Baez. Yet that's been the move this year, which is beyond baffling. The Phillies have three starters in Cliff Lee, Roy Halladay and Cole Hamels who consistently go deep into games, and Roy Oswalt does when he's healthy, meaning one less bullpen pitcher wouldn't kill you. And Mayberry provides the right-handed power bat off the bench, and a capable fill-in in the outfield, that this team is missing, albeit an inexperienced and unproven one.

It's pretty clear that he helps the Phillies a whole hell of a lot more than David Herndon and Danys Baez do. And realistically, how can you even afford to keep two terrible righthanded pitchers who have ERAs over 5.00 in your bullpen without hurting the team more than you're helping? You can't.

After the all-star break, one or both of those guys should be off this roster. And if the pitching staff ever gets healthy, they should be gone forever. Roy Oswalt, Ryan Madson, Jose Contreras, Brad Lidge, Joe Blanton are all on the shelf, and they're all better than Baez and Herndon. Vance Worley has proven his worth this season and earned the right to be in the mix as the fifth starter. And Kyle Kendrick, as bad as he can be at times, is about a million times better and more effective than the two horrible Ds, Danys and David.

They are the exact same terrible pitcher, and they need to be banished. Forever.

Double the Fun

OK, show of hands … if I told you before the first pitch was thrown yesterday that one of the two starters for the Phils in their day/night double header with Florida would surrender just 1 run and 1 extra-base hit in 7 innings and pick up the win while the other would give up 4 extra-base hits, 4 runs and leave with his team trailing, how many of you would have guessed pitcher No. 1 was Kyle Kendrick and pitcher No. 2 was Roy Halladay?



Not me, that's for damn sure. Yet that's exactly what transpired yesterday here in the City of Brotherly Love. And I missed practically all of it due to work and life getting the way … though I did manage to see the best parts of game 2.

You see, late Tuesday night Paul "lil' Jon" Runyan texted me that he had an extra ticket to the day game Wednesday. Due to stupid work obligations and no notice, I really couldn't ditch out and go to the game even though I desperately wanted to. Then around midnight, he texted me again, waking me from my sleep, trying to convince me to go. But I really had to go to work yesterday morning, though I held out hope I could maybe take a half day and meet him and silver fox down there. Didn't happen. The work piled up and deadlines were fast-approaching. I had to stay put.

As disappointed as I was, I at least had the comfort of knowing I was missing out on a Kyle Kendrick game. I should have known better. I mean, so far this season I've been in attendance for one of Cole Hamels' two losses this season and one of Roy Halladay's three losses — unquestionably the worst outings for each of them — not to mention another shitty loss on a shitty night. So of course if I had gone I would have seen Kyle Kendrick, easily the worst pitcher in this star-studded rotation, throw a gem. It only makes sense, and by that I mean it makes absolutely no sense.

By the time I checked in on the score, the Phillies had an 8-1 lead, the weather was insanely nice and I was stuck in a freakin cubicle with neon lights and hating my life. Being an adult sucks so hard.

In my work mode, I missed out on Jimmy Rollins turning his swag on high with a three-run homer and two-hit, four-RBI game, Wilson Valdez going 3-for-4 at the dish including a bases-loaded, bases-clearing triple and Kyle Kendrick unfathomably pitching a 7-inning, 5-hit, 1-run, 5-strikeout gem to pick up the win. Oh, AND J.C. Romero and Danys Baez finished it off with allowing just one base-runner between the two of them. Unbelievable.



Later, right when the Phillies were about to start the nightcap, I had to leave for my softball game. So basically I missed everything in the game for the first 6 innings. But after our team managed to get a victory despite having just 9 guys to the opposition's full squad of 10, the team headed to the bar where we saw the final innings unfold.

Before we got there, we missed Roy Halladay uncharacteristically give up two runs in the first and two more in the fourth, and also Chase Utley driving in both Phillies runs with a double and a triple.

The good news is, the Phillies were saving their best for last, and we were able to see it. The Phils still trailed 4-2 going into the 9th, and in came Florida's closer Leo Nunez. He immediately got Dom Brown to ground out, but then Carlos Ruiz singled, followed by Ross Gload (I know, I thought he was dead too) getting a pinch-hit single right behind him. Gload was then replaced by Michael Martinez on the base paths, and up came Jimmy. Suddenly, there was life again in Citizens Bank Park. These are the spots that Rollins thrives on, and he looked like he was about to come through again. J-Roll absolutely smoked a ball right back up the middle. Off the bat, it looked like a sure single to center, possibly plating Ruiz but definitely getting Rollins on. Only he smoked it so hard that Nunez didn't have time to get out of the way of it, it bounced off his leg all the way to first base, and Rollins was out on an incredibly unfortunate ground out.

The good news was Ruiz and Martinez were able to advance, so any type of hit that left the infield would tie the game. The bad news was the Phils were down to their final out. However, right then and there, as Shane Victorino was stepping into the box, my buddy said he was definitely getting a hit and the Phils were definitely going to win, proclaiming that he could see into the future. He's an idiot, though Shane made him look like a genius, ripping a single back up the middle to tie the game. I have to admit, I'm as baffled as everyone else that the Phillies decided to keep Michael Martinez in the bigs seeing as he doesn't hit and really doesn't play, but dear god was he flying around the base paths. Sure, pretty much anyone would have scored on that hit from second with two outs, going right on contact, but still, he was flying. Michael Martinez is fast.

With the way Utley was swinging the bat last night and the game now tied, I'm pretty sure everyone within a 50-mile radius of Philadelphia thought the Phils were going to win this thing right then and there. Adam EatShit said immediately that Chase should take one and let Shane steal, which everyone in the bar agreed with. Best-case scenario, you have Victorino in scoring position, meaning a hit wins the game. Worst-case scenario, Shane gets thrown out and the Phils go into the 10th with Utley, Ryan Howard and Placido Polanco coming up. The Phils thought the exact same thing, as Victorino easily swiped second. Then Chase hit a tracer to left, but unfortunately right at Logan Morrison. On to extras.

Ryan Madson worked around a leadoff walk to put up a 0 for the Marlins, and everyone was hanging on to every pitch. To lead off the bottom of the 10th, Ryan Howard got hit by a pitch. But then Polanco flew out and Raul struck out. That put the game on the shoulders of the youngster Dom Brown.



Though Brown's numbers aren't overly impressive, the kid has looked really good. You can tell he belongs, and it's evident why he has been so highly touted. But at home so far this year, he's struggled more than he has on the road. And in that spot, in a tie game in the 10th with a chance to be a hero, it would be perfectly understandable if Dom tried to do too much, tried to hit a walkoff, didn't have the most patient approach. Instead, Brown worked an incredible at-bat, finally walking on 7 pitches after fouling off a slider with two strikes. It was one of the best pure at-bats for anyone on this team all season. That is an awesome sign for his development, that in that spot he can have an at-bat like that.

That brought up Curbball, and everyone knew he was going to come through. Chooch is as clutch as anyone on this team. And he was clutch yet again, smoking another single up the middle to plate Howard easily and walk away with a 5-4 victory. The bar was overtaken with cheers, we drank ourselves until closing and then it was off to bed.

In a bizarre day that saw Roy Halladay have a worse outing than Kyle Kendrick, the Phillies found a way to win both games. They've now won six games in a row, have a 5 game lead over the Braves in the division, and at 43-26 have the best record in all of baseball. Not bad for a team that "hasn't put it all together yet."

Don't look now, but the bats are waking up, and the pitching staff isn't going anywhere. The Phillies are who we thought they were. The best team in the National League, and right now, the best team in baseball.

I Hate Stupid Baseball

There is absolutely no reason whatsoever the Phillies should have lost 2-1 to the Marlins last night. Absolutely none. Yes, Josh Johnson was his usual awesome self, but the Phillies didn't lose solely because Johnson worked around trouble and pitched his usual great game. No, the Phillies really lost last night and saw their lead over Florida shrink to 2 games — instead of extending it to a 4-game lead — because they played completely stupid baseball.



There is nothing in sports I hate more than stupidity, especially in baseball — the thinking man's game. Yet that's exactly what the Phillies treated us all to last night. The amount of stupid baseball was at a staggering high.

In a game featuring two of the best pitchers on the planet, it was vital for both teams to "maximize their opportunities" against Josh Johnson for the Phillies and against Roy Halladay for the Marlins, as Chris Wheeler not so subtly reminded us about 8 million times last night. (Seriously Wheels, we heard you the first 2 million times. No need to repeat yourself. Again.) The Phillies seemed to do the complete opposite of that.



It began in the 2nd inning, when it looked like the Phillies were going to give Halladay more than enough runs to get a win. Looked like. Ryan Howard did that thing where he remembers he's big and strong and awesome, leading off the inning with a solo home run to the opposite field. That seemed to ignite the Phils, who went down weakly in order on just 10 pitches in the first, and get to Johnson a bit. Raul followed up with a double, and then after Johnson got ahead of Ben Francisco with two strikes, he hit him with a pitch. Johnson looked a bit rattled, and that showed as Pete Orr worked an incredibly patient 7-pitch walk, not even swinging at a pitch until the count was full, fouling the sixth pitch of the at-bat off before walking to load the bases.

So there were the Phils with the bases loaded and nobody out, already with one across in the inning and looking to add more. Of course, it wasn't going to be easy. The next two batters were the 8 and 9 hitters, the little-used Dane Sardinha and pitcher Roy Halladay. Even with the bases loaded and no outs, Johnson had to feel pretty confident he could get two strikeouts against two weak batters. He is, after all, a strikeout pitcher. And he did exactly that, striking out Sardinha and Halladay, then getting Jimmy Rollins to ground to end the inning with no damage done beyond Howard's solo shot.

Now, I can't be entirely angry at Sardinha and especially Halladay for striking out in a spot that you really need anything but a strikeout. Frankly, Halladay's was for the best, because had he made contact, there was a pretty good chance he would have grounded into an inning-ending double play without even giving Rollins his two-out chance with the sacks full. It is frustrating that Sardinha couldn't get his bat on the ball and even more annoying that he went down while trying to check his swing on a ball that clearly wasn't a strike. It was a pretty piss-poor at-bat. But still, you don't exactly expect Dane Sardinha to be a hero with a stick. The guy did make a nice throw on a tough pitch to handle to throw out Emilio Bonifacio in the first on a great snag and tag by Pete Orr at second. So I'm not going to kill Sardinha for that at-bat completely.

But I will question why he was even in the lineup at all. I understand that with Carlos Ruiz out, Brian Schneider has played more than anyone expected him to thus far in the season. So it's understandable to look to give the guy some games off. But I don't understand at all why Manuel would sit him last night. Runs were at a premium last night. Against Josh Johnson, you want your best offensive lineup out there, and it's hard to argue that Sardinha is a better hitter than Brian Schneider. Then you add the fact that Schneider is a left-handed hitter and Sardinha is right-handed and it gets even more baffling going against the right-handed Josh Johnson. And then you look at the Schneider's career numbers against Johnson and it's even more crazy. Schneider is 4-for-15 against Johnson in his career, a .267 average. Nothing special, no, but that's a better lifetime average against Florida's ace than Ibanez and Polanco, and the fact that he's faced him 15 times gives me a whole lot more confidence that he could be successful against Johnson than a guy who has never faced him and has barely played in the majors.



I don't know, maybe it's just me. But I'd much rather have the veteran, left-handed hitting Schneider who has faced Johnson several times in his career in the game over a soft-hitting right-handed guy who has spent most of the season splitting time in the minors behind the plate. I just really don't understand why Charlie chose last night to rest Schneider. Seemed like ill timing. Some might call it a stupid baseball move. Like me.

That's not saying Schneider would have come through there. For all we know, he could have done the exact same thing as Sardinha and gone down on strikes. But I sure would have liked to find out.

Anyway, that awful job by the bottom of the lineup certainly wasn't smart baseball, but it was hardly as bad as the stupidity that followed.

Again, as Wheeler said time after time after time last night, the Phillies needed to do everything they could to maximize their opportunities against Johnson. A nice way to do that is to take the extra base and steal some bags with your speed guys. Yet the Phillies refused to do it. In the third, Shane Victorino led off with a single. It was the perfect time to steal. Have Shane swipe second, let Polanco do what he's so good at doing by hitting the ball to the right side to move him over and have yourself a runner on third with one or no outs, or maybe even have Polanco drive him in with a hit. But Shane never went, Polly flew out, Howard struck out and then Raul came up. Again, both Tom McCarthy and Wheels were saying now would be a great time for Shane to steal. I agreed. Shane and Sam Perlozzo did not. Raul singled, but since Shane was on first, he didn't score. He did go first-to-third, but had he been stealing or had already stolen second, he would have scored easily and put the Phils up 2-0. Instead, it was first and third with two outs.

OK, the Phillies weren't aggressive and it may have cost them a run, but at least they still had a shot to get a run across. And those odds increased when Johnson walked Ben Francisco on six pitches to load the bases. Up came Pete Orr, who came into the game batting .400 against Johnson in his career and who had an absolutely fantastic, patient at-bat just the inning before, working a walk to load the bases. I was actually kind of relieved that Orr was up in that situation given his first time up. A walk meant a much-needed insurance run.



So what does Pete Orr do with the bases loaded and two outs? The complete fucking opposite of what he did his first at-bat. Orr stupidly swung at the very first fucking pitch Josh Johnson threw to him, harmlessly grounding out to end the inning. I was absolutely beside myself. That at-bat is absolutely indefensible and just plain stupid baseball. There is absolutely nothing I hate more in all of sports, seriously, than a guy swinging at the first pitch after the pitcher just walked the bases loaded. Nothing. I fucking despise it. Unless you hit a grand slam, in my eyes, it's just fucking horribly stupid baseball. And Orr didn't even hit it hard. He hit a weak grounder to end it. And I wanted him dead. Seriously dead. I can't wait for him to be back in the minors whenever this roster gets healthy.

Let me paint this picture for you to get across how incredibly dumb Pete Orr is. In the second inning with runners on first and second and nobody out, and with the 8 and 9 hole hitters behind him, Orr didn't even swing until the count was 3-2. That's fine, he worked a very good at-bat and walked to load the bases. But, he also put the inning in the hands of two awful hitters against an elite pitcher. An aggressive guy would have realized that, looked for a pitch to hit and tried to capitalize on an RBI opportunity, knowing the guys behind him aren't likely to get the job done. Still, I'm OK with it because Johnson was wild at the time and there were no outs. He could have just as easily walked Sardinha or even Halladay to force in a run.

But with the bases loaded and two outs, Orr goes after the first pitch right after Johnson walked the guy in front of him to load the bases in a spot where a walk is an RBI. Basically, Pete Orr should have had the complete opposite approach in his first two at-bats. Had he swung at the first pitch of his first at-bat, a four-seam fastball for a strike, he may have gotten a hit and been able to drive in the run that never came home. Maybe not, but no one would have faulted him for an out there or for being aggressive and trying to make something happen early in the game. Had he worked Johnson his second at-bat the way he did the first time up and walked again, Victorino scores and the Phils go up 2-0. Maybe he doesn't walk, but you had to take at least one strike there given the circumstances. It was just stupid, stupid baseball by Orr. Embarrassingly so. And if you try and defend Orr for that second at-bat, you can go get fucked. Seriously. I don't want to hear it.

The stupidity was so rampant for the Phils that it started to spread to damn near everyone. Not even the great Roy Halladay was immune. Because right after Orr had the single worst at-bat of the season for the Phils, Halladay made a bone-headed play of his own. He did get Omar Infante to ground out to start the inning. But then he did something he's never, ever done in his career, literally. He walked the opposing pitcher, giving Josh Johnson a free pass on six pitches. It was the first time in his entire career that he's walked the opposing pitcher. Yeah, he's played all of his career except last season and the games played so far this year in the American League, but still. That's damn impressive to have never walked the opposing pitcher in this era of inter-league play. They say there's a first time for everything, and that first time couldn't have come at a more inopportune moment.

Roy Halladay, who barely walks anyone ever, walked the opposing pitcher. That cannot happen. Ever. You don't walk the pitcher. Even a big guy like Josh Johnson who is not an altogether awful hitter. Throw it down the middle three straight times if you have to. But don't walk him. Ever. Halladay did, and of course Johnson would eventually score to tie the game.

In between Johnson's walk and him crossing home plate, Chris Coghlan got a double thanks to another stupid play by the Phils. Following the walk, Coghlan hit a liner to right center. Victorino was shaded the other way, and Francisco had a long run himself. Coghlan saw this and never stopped at first. Francisco took too long to get to the ball, then neither Orr or Rollins were covering second as Coghlan was wisely trying to leg out a double, and Francisco then threw it to no-man's land between Orr and Rollins. So the Phils just gave Coghlan second base thanks to lazy, stupid baseball. Awesome.

Bonifacio brought Johnson home with a sac fly, but then Roy did another thing he never does, walking his second batter of the inning by giving a free pass to Hanley Ramirez. He did get Gaby Sanchez to end the inning, but Halladay and the Phils literally gave Florida a run by walking the pitcher, and they almost surrendered more by being lackadaisical in the field. Seriously, my head wanted to explode.

The game did settle down after that, with Johnson and Halladay steadying themselves as both started to deal. But the Phillies weren't done doing stupid things just yet.

In the 7th, after being silenced for a few innings, Jimmy Rollins led off with a single. Again, it would have been a great time to either steal or have Victorino bunt him over to get the go-ahead run in scoring position. Instead, Victorino this time played the role of moron after it looked like he was going to be smart. Shane took three straight balls to go up 3-0. He then took a called strike, 3-1. In this situation, he either has to take again to let Rollins steal or try and pull the ball to let Rollins go first-to-third. Or of course take a bad pitch and walk. So what does Shane do? He flies out to left field, pretty much the only thing you can't do besides ground into a double play with a 3-1 count. Terrible. And terribly stupid. Again.

With Polanco up, it was again the perfect time to send Rollins. Get him into scoring position to give Polanco and/or Howard the chance to drive him in. Add to that that Polanco rarely strikes out and is more than willing to hit with two strikes, and it was a no-brainer. Let Polly take a pitch or two, send Rollins and get him into scoring position. But Jimmy never went. And Polanco nearly grounded into a double play, but did manage to beat it out as Rollins was out at second.

I really miss Davey Lopes. So do the Phillies. Because we all know Lopes would have picked up on Johnson's move in that game and sent Rollins there or Victorino earlier, giving the Phils a better chance of winning the game. Sadly, Lopes is back in Los Angeles these days, and Sam Perlozzo is no Davey Lopes.

Then to top the inning off, Ryan Howard did his best NLCS impression of himself, striking out looking to end the inning on a fastball that was literally right down the middle of the plate. Way to go, Ryan. Seriously, get the fucking bat off your shoulder. Ryan Howard is awesome and many times clutch and an RBI machine and has improved his defense a million-fold, but I have to be perfectly honest with you, I liked Ryan Howard better when he was fat and bad at defense and hitting 50 home runs and winning Rookie of the Year and MVP and winning games left and right for the Phils better. That guy used to at least go down swinging. (Seriously, I love Howard. Consider this a reverse-jinx.)

Of course, the ending of all stupid endings occurred in the 8th. Leading off the inning, Omar Infante reached on a double error by Jimmy Rollins, three-time Gold Glove winner who rarely makes errors. Technically, it was only one error, a throwing error. But Rollins first bobbled the ball, which made him rush his throw, which drew Howard off the bag. And the way last night was going, you just knew that error was going to turn into an unearned run, and it did thanks to more bad baseball. Halladay, who never throws wild pitches, threw a wild pitch to allow Infante to get to second, a wild pitch that actually should have been caught. Yes, Halladay missed his spot badly and Sardinha had to go a long way to get it, but it hit off a ton of his glove. He should have stopped it. He didn't. It was a tough play. I get it. But it's the type of play you have to make as a catcher. There is no reason Dane Sardinha should be on an MLB roster. None. I miss Carlos Ruiz as much as Roy does.



After Osvaldo Martinez grounded out to second to move Infante to third with just one out, Chris Coghlan, the offensive star of the game, brought him home with a single. It turned out to be the game-winning run. And while no more runs would score the rest of the game, the Phillies made one more stupid play before the night was through, and it came from Placido Polanco of all people.

Polanco casually fielded a Hanley Ramirez grounder, took his time and sort of double-clutched instead of just throwing the ball, and Hanley beat it out for an infield hit. It was just another instance of stupid, lazy baseball. And it was plays like that, stupid baseball plays, that cost the Phils last night.

You know things are going bad when Roy Halladay and Placido Polanco of all people make stupid plays. Not even Roy's impressive line — 8 IP, 5 H, 1 ER, 2 BB, 9 K — could overcome the stupid baseball the Phillies played last night.

And there's nothing I hate more than stupid baseball.

Tom McCarthy Is the Worst

You know how they say it's difficult to replace a legend? Well, that's certainly been the case ever since the late, great Harry Kalas died.



There isn't a day that goes by during baseball season that I don't miss the man. And that void gets larger with every stupid thing that comes out of Tom McCarthy's mouth. Like this awesome gem from last night, when McCarthy said, and I quote: "We definitively know that Brad Lidge is unavailable tonight. In fact, he probably won't be available until Friday." Well, Tom, considering yesterday was Wednesday, and the Phillies don't have a game today, Thursday, and Lidge is unavailable for the game — then yeah, he definitely won't be back until Friday at the earliest. Because the Phillies don't play today. You jackass.



Going from Harry Kalas to Tom McCarthy is like going from Brian Dawkins to Macho Victor fucking Harris. Everything he says makes my head want to explode. I hate listening to him with every fiber of my being. Tom McCarthy sucks. He sucks so hard. I wish he would just go away already.

But you know who doesn't suck? Cole Hamels — unlike last season. Hamels was again brilliant last night, pitching 7 innings of shutout ball, giving up just four hits while striking out five. And he actually picked up the win, because the Phillies must have forgotten he was on the mound and actually scored a bunch of runs — 10 in all. His ERA is now down to 3.06 on the season, and the man hasn't given up a run in 25 straight innings of work. Yeah, he's an ace once again, even if his record is a very deceptive 10-10.

You know who else doesn't suck? Ryan Howard. The big man hit another home run last night — his 4th of this still-young month — this one a three-run bomb that accounted for half of his six RBIs. Howard was 3-for-5 on the night, and his home run was to left for the second straight game. That's when you know he's going good, hitting those opposite-field home runs.



He's worth every damn penny the Phillies paid him because he earns it when it matters. He's doing it again, tearing it up in the month of September and helping the Phils reclaim first. The man missed pretty much a month of baseball, yet he still has 28 home runs and 95 RBIs, just five behind Carlos Gonzalez for the NL lead. He's good.

Shane Victorino, Chase Utley and Raul Ibanez don't suck either. Shane had another three-hit night out of the leadoff spot, going 3-for-6 with three runs, an RBI, a stolen base and a double. Chase was 2-for-3 with two runs, two RBIs and a steal — he's been on fire in September as well. And Raul had another multi-hit game himself, going 2-for-4 with a run scored and a double.

None of the Phillies regulars suck, now that Raul is hitting again too. Polanco had a hit and scored a run. Chooch continued his awesome season with a hit and an RBI. Even Hamels went 1-for-3 with a run scored, and Jimmy Rollins continued to tear it up batting down in the order, going 2-for-2 with a run scored thanks to another tremendous slide.

But what does suck is Jimmy hurt himself on his second hit, a double in which he started to come up lame after he rounded first. Making matters worse, Ruiz followed two batters later with a single, and Sam Perlozzo sent Jimmy, despite Rollins almost jogging coming toward third with a bad wheel. Rollins scored, but he was forced to push it to get home, and he never returned. That sucks. The Phils need Rollins, now more than ever. And Jimmy's been hitting the crap out of the ball since Monday, when Charlie moved him down in the order. Hopefully, he's all right. Evidently, he tweaked his hamstring, and the Phillies don't sound overly concerned. Let's hope it's nothing serious. Because that would suck.

You know what else sucks? Nate Robertson.


Hey, Nate, you do know you don't still play for the Marlins, right?

With the Phillies up comfortably 10-0, they obviously wanted to rest the important bullpen arms and get to the off day. So they brought in Robertson to conceivably finish the game. Instead, this asshole gives up 6 runs on four hits and two walks in two-thirds of an inning, turning a 10-0 blowout into an uncomfortable four-run game. That forced Manuel to get Ryan Madson up in a game he had no intentions of using Ryan Madson in, and then forcing him into the game to get the final two outs. Thanks, Nate. Hope I never see you out there again.

While Tom McCarthy, Nate Robertson and the injury plague that has been cast over Philadelphia most definitely suck, what doesn't suck is looking at the standings and seeing the Philadelphia Phillies in first place. In September. With the bats beginning to really show some signs of life.

But seriously, Tom McCarthy is the worst.

Firsts!

Here's a true story …

Once upon a time, my cousin and I were playing my two uncles in basketball at a cookout, your standard 2-on-2, must win by two, young teenagers taking on a couple of old men. We were younger and quicker and at least my cousin was stronger than the old guys, but you know how old men, specifically family members, play basketball — dirty, and I'm not talking Christina.



Anyway, they were cheating their way to staying close when finally my cousin and I were primed to end this travesty and let the geezers catch their breath. We're up one at game point, there's a scuffle for a rebound and my cousin rips it away from my uncle (who just so happens to be his dad), lays it up, game over. We go into our gloating routine, making fun of the old men, as my grandfather joins in the fun, harassing his son and son-in-law for losing to the youngsters.

But then it happened. My uncle, refusing to accept defeat at the hands of his son and nephew, claims he called "firsts" on the loose ball that was eventually wrestled away from him for the game-winning bucket. Now, I've heard of this stupid pansy business of calling firsts, but I had never actually come across it in all my years playing pickup basketball. It's just something you don't do, like taking a charge or calling the Puerto Ricans at 2nd St. for traveling (they might stab you). Well, my uncle claims he called "FIRSTS!" Refused to let it die and demanded the game go on, even as my cousin and I spouted off about how ridiculously girlish it is to call firsts. But you know, the whole respect your elders thing forced us to continue the game, and by some dumb luck, they hit three straight contested shots to "win," even though they had already lost.

Why do I bring this all up? Well, it seems as though finally, after weeks of looking like they just weren't going to win, the Phillies have called "firsts" and are well on their way to taking the division title from the Braves.



With last night's unnecessarily dramatic victory combined with Atlanta's third straight loss, a 5-0 shutout against the Pirates, your Philadelphia Phillies are back in first place, a half game ahead of the fledgeling Braves. I've never respected Pittsburgh so much. In fact, I've never respected Pittsburgh — besides PNC Park and Andrew McCutchen — at all in my life. I guess there's a first time for everything.

Perhaps even more amazing than wrestling away first place from the Braves for the time being — something that seemed inevitable as the Phillies inched closer and closer even as the injuries piled up and the bats went cold — is that the Phillies are the first team in the National League to reach 80 wins this year. I was as stunned when I heard it as Larry Andersen and Scott Franzke were when they said it.

And why was I listening to Franzke and L.A. instead of watching Comcast and hating every word that came out of Tom McCarthy's big, fat mouth? I'm glad you asked. You see, my plan was to plant my ass on my couch and not move until the Phils were in first place. At first, that plan was going about as well as I could have hoped.

I watched the first 7 innings from the comfort of my living room, watched as the Phils took a 1-0 lead thanks to an RBI single by Jimmy Rollins that plated Ryan Howard, who doubled right before him. Jimmy sure does look a whole hell of a lot better as a five-hole hitter — and Shane a lot better in the leadoff spot. Then I watched Joe Blanton give that run right back and then another in the next inning, and surrender a third in the inning after that, only to have Raul make it a one-run game with a solo shot, and the Phils take the lead with two more homers and another big hit by Raul in the 5th — solo shots by Shane Victorino and Ryan Howard (who's doing is customary mashing in September thus far) and an RBI single by Ibanez to plate Rollins.

Then my phone rang. It was my roommate, and immediately, I knew it wasn't good news for me. He was supposed to pick up our other roommate, Adam EatShit and another friend of ours at the airport at 10. They were in Vegas for the long weekend for a bachelor party.



His class was running late. He couldn't make it on time. So he asked if I could pick them up. FUCK! That's what immediately went through my head as I calmly said, "No problem." Now not only would I have to get my very comfortable ass up, but I had to miss the ending to a close game with first place on the line. Just great.

I stayed in front of the television as long as I could and saw the Phillies continue to let Emilio Bonifacio get on base and score for a second time to make it a a one-run game. Then I saw the Phils extend it to a 7-4 game thanks to a sac fly by Jimmy to plate Polanco and a triple by Raul to score Howard. Alright, I had to leave and that sucked, but at least the Phils had a three-run lead heading into the 8th and Ryan Madson and Brad Lidge have been extremely reliable of late.

I hop in my car, tune in to 1210 and head down 95. Fully expecting Madson to enter the game, I was surprised when Franzke said the Phils had elected to go with Jose Contreras to begin the eighth. I understand that Madson has pitched a lot lately, but in a three-run game with first place on the line this late in the season — and an off day finally, mercifully coming on Thursday — you'd have to think Charlie would want to go with his setup man and closer to finish this thing off. He did not, and it proved to be an unwise decision.

On the first batter he faced, Contreras gave up a homer to Mike Stanton, 7-5. It sounded like he settled down to get Chad Tracy, and according to LA, he was starting to throw some nasty pitches to Brad Davis and got two strikes on him. Then he hung a splitter and Davis doubled down the line. This didn't bode well, and I was hoping Charlie would pull the old man. He still did not, and Scott Cousins hit what sounded like a rope to center, another shot that looked to be extra bases off the bat. Thankfully, Victorino ran it down and made a very nice catch, or so Franzke told me.

Just when it looked like the Phils had dodged a bullet and might get out of it, up stepped Emilio Bonifacio, a man who was the biggest thorn in Philadelphia's side last night. Bonifacio already had two hits and had scored two runs on the night, so naturally, he made it a three-hit game with a single to right, and all hell broke loose. Franzke did a masterful job filling me on the play-by-play shenanigans that ensued as I sat in the cell phone parking lot at the airport. On the hit, it seemed apparent that Davis would score to make it a one-run game, but for some reason he was held at third. Jayson Werth saw that, and for some reason, he decided to throw behind Davis at third, instead of wisely just throwing to second or to the cutoff man to prevent Bonifacio — the tying run — from getting in scoring position. That's when things went from bad to worse.

Werth's throw was errant, allowing Davis to score and Bonifacio to get to second. Larry Andersen was disgusted, chastising Werth by saying, "That's just not a good play." I couldn't agree more, Larry.



Then things went from worse to worser. J.C. Romero came in and balked, moving Bonifacio to third. Someone really needs to tell Phillies relievers that they're not allowed to stop their motion mid-motion. Idiots. Then J.C. walked someone yet again. Romero needs back on the juice big time. Apparently, that was the only thing that allowed him to throw strikes.

After Contreras failed to do his job and Romero failed to do his job, Charlie finally relented and brought in Madson. That prompted LA to ask, "Where they trying to avoid him (Madson) tonight or something?" I wondered the same thing, because it seemed as though the smart move would have been, you know, to have him start the 8th inning, him being the setup guy and all.

Madson got ahead of Hanley Ramirez 1-2, and it sounded as if the Phils would somehow get out of this disaster of an inning with a lead still intact. But then on that 1-2 pitch, Madson buried a changeup in the dirt, it got by Ruiz and Bonifacio scored on the wild pitch to tie the game. Unreal. Madson did strike out Hanley to end the inning, but the game was now tied, thanks to three horrendous errors — a dumb throwing error by Jayson Werth compounded by the fact he threw to the wrong base to allow the tying run to get to second, a balk by Romero to allow that tying run to get to third and a wild pitch that let the guy who should have been at 2nd base at best to score. Horrific baseball. About as ugly as it gets. Little Leaguers couldn't have done it any worse.

As word came that the Braves loss was final, the self-destruction in the top of the 8th made it look as though the Phils were going to waste another opportunity to vault past Atlanta. A pop out by Curbball and ground out by Francisco to begin the bottom of the 8th confirmed those fears. But then Shane, who looks rejuvenated batting leadoff, got a two-out single. Then he stole second. And two pitches later, with a 2-0 count in his favor, Placido Polanco slapped a single to right, plating Victorino to regain the lead.



I love that man and his giant dome.

For one reason or another, Charlie again went against conventional wisdom and left Madson in instead of going to his closer for the 9th. This time, Madson had no adventures, striking out Uggla, getting some girl named Gaby to fly out and striking out that turdface Wes Helms to end the game and put the Phils back in their rightful place atop the division.

It wasn't pretty, and not much has been with the Phillies this year besides the pitching of H2O.

H20 from Ryan Petzar on Vimeo.

But believe it or not, there was some beauty in last night's hideous victory. Shane and Jimmy continued to enjoy their new spots in the order, as Victorino went 2-for-5 with a solo homer and that final at-bat where he got the two-out single, stole second and scored the winning run. Rollins was 2-for-3 himself, driving in two runs and scoring another, flourishing for the second straight game as Ryan Howard's protection. And speaking of Howard, the big man crushed his third home run of the month, scored three runs and had two hits. Raul had a huge game, going 3-for-4 with three RBIs and finishing a double short of the cycle. And Polanco joined him with a three-hit game, highlighted by the game-winning hit in the 8th. Eight runs, 13 hits and first place.

Now let's stay there.

Firsts!

Braves to Phillies: 'Here, Just Take This Damn Thing Already'

The Atlanta Braves have lost four of their six games in September. They lost five of seven games from Aug. 19 to Aug. 17, including four in a row. They were just two games over .500 in July. Yesterday, they lost 3-1 to the terrible Pirates going against a pincher who came in with a losing record and ERA around 6.00. Which is all to say, the Atlanta Braves are doing everything in their power to literally hand the division over to the Phillies, yet the Phillies still haven't quite taken it.



This weekend, the Phillies had a golden chance. The Braves lost Friday night to the Marlins, opening the door to draw within a game. After exploding for 12 runs against the Rockies on Thursday, you sort of expected the Phillies, even with all their offensive struggles this season, to light up the very pedestrian Chris Capuano on Friday and cruise to victory. After all, Chase erupted for six RBIs including a grand slam, Ryan Howard belted another home run and the offense was rolling. Then again, perhaps we should have all known better — Cole Hamels was on the hill after all, and we all know the Phillies don't score runs for Cole.

Of course, they didn't. Facing a Chris Capuano and his pedestrian 4.62 ERA, the Phillies managed to scrape together just four hits all night and one run — and even that was more luck than good hitting. It took a miscommunication between Ryan Braun and rookie centerfielder Lorenzo Cain to even allow the Phils to score that pathetic run. The number of mistakes on the play were comical.



For starters, the ball was simply a routine fly to left-center off Shane Victorino's bat to lead off the second. It was very clearly and very plainly the centerfielder's ball. Any centerfielder in the majors should have and would have gotten there, called off the leftfielder and made the play … except for Cain. Cain got over there in position, but never once called off Ryan Braun, instead sort of peeling off and letting Braun take it. That was a dumb move, but in fairness to Cain, Braun was calling it the whole way, never stopped calling, and then just let it drop at the last minute. That allowed Shane to get to second, Raul pulled the ball to second to allow Shane to get to third with one out, and Carlos Ruiz chopped one to short, allowing Victorino to score on the groundout thanks to going on contact.

That's how the Phils scored their only run. And it counted as one of their four hits. Not good. Luckily, Cole Hamels was good. Very good. Damn near unhittable good. Hamels went seven innings, surrendering just three hits and striking out 7 without surrendering a single run. Then Jose Contreras and Ryan Madson were perfect in the 8th and 9th, capping off the 1-0 win and pulling the Phils to within a game. Though it was hardly the type of win that justified any sort of confidence in the offense after Thursday's 12-run performance. It almost cost Cole again, who unjustly sits at 9-10 on the season despite rebounding about as well as anyone could have hoped this season.



The way he's been pitching, it's clear he wants to be in first place again. But you gotta wonder at times if his offense does. Because they just haven't had it this year.

Even on Saturday, when the Phils kept pace with Atlanta's win against Florida by beating the Brewers 5-4, the runs weren't easy to come by. Sure, they scattered nine hits, but they rarely strung them together. Sure, they hit two solo home runs, but that didn't even keep pace with Milwaukee's four solo shots off Roy Halladay, who was uncharacteristically missing his spots and serving up meatballs all while fighting himself and the home plate umpire. On more than occasion, Roy stared in at home plate after a ball was called, took long trips off the mound and snapped his glove on throwbacks from Ruiz, clearly showing his displeasure with the strike zone.

It was nice to see them get a win and pick up Roy on a day that he just didn't have his great stuff, but it took an especially awful play by Brewers catcher Jonathan Lucroy to score the game-tying and game-winning runs courtesy of a sac fly by Placido Polanco. I honestly have never seen a catcher literally move out of the way of the ball to avoid a collision as Lucroy did instead of going toward the ball and catching it, let alone watch a catcher compound that by not getting over to cover and block home plate. It was crazy.

Then on Sunday, the Braves fell behind 6-1, came all the way back to tie it, yet still lost 7-6 in heartbreaking fashion, opening the door for the Phils to tie them for the lead in the NL East. So what do the Phillies do against familiar face Randy Wolf? They manage just two runs and seven hits against him, as Randy kept the Phils off-balance all day.



That was absolutely not enough with Kyle Kendrick on the mound, as Kendrick suffered his third straight shit start, giving up five runs on 7 hits in four craptastic innings. Kendrick has done a decent enough job most of the season, but now he's finally beginning to show his true colors. He sucks, and he needs to be trotted out there as little as possible from here on out. Skip some starts, use a Nate Robertson or Vance Worley. Do whatever you gotta go do to keep this guy off the rubber.

As bad Kendrick was, and as bad the bats were, the Phils still had a golden opportunity to make it a game again in the 8th against righthander John Axford. Axford walked both Ryan Howard and Shane Victorino — Howard after getting Placido Polanco to ground out and Shane after striking out Jayson Werth. That brought up the 7 spot in the order, at the time occupied by Ben Francisco. Everyone in Citizens Bank Park and every Phillies fan watching, myself included, expected Charlie to go to his bench full of lefthanded hitters to pinch-hit for Francisco. Raul Ibanez was available. So was Ross Gload. Even Dom Brown and Greg Dobbs were on the bench. And Brian Schneider too. The entire bench as was a god damn leftorium.



In that spot, a three-run home run would have tied the game (the score was 5-2 Brewers). Naturally, you wouldn't go with Brown because a) he's a rookie and b) he's struck out a ton and looked awful of late. And you wouldn't go with Dobbs because Dobbs hasn't been remotely good since 2008. Schneider isn't the greatest hitter in the world either, so that left either Raul or Gload. Either player would have been a good choice. Gload is a pinch-hitting specialist, and one who hits all sorts of home runs. Raul is an everyday player and a guy who hits his fair share of homers as well.

Personally, I favored Raul because Gload is just coming off the DL and hasn't had that many opportunities to get his timing back. Either way, I would have loved to have seen one of those guys up there. And I should have. But I didn't. Because Charlie stuck with Ben Francisco — the same Ben Francisco who had struck out his last two at-bats. Unsurprisingly, Francisco fouled off two very hittable meatball fastballs before flying out weakly to right to end the inning and the threat, and for all intents and purposes the game. That's what you call horrendous managing, leaving the right-handed Francisco in the game when you had two power-hitting lefties on the bench, both of whom are better hitters in general than Francisco. Way to go, Charlie. Way to go.

That was one way to waste an opportunity to finally get back in first, but it certainly wasn't the worst way. No, that happened yesterday in the opening game of the day-night double-header.

With the Braves inexplicably continuing their downfall by losing to the Pirates, the Phils did one better (worse?) by allowing a rookie who hadn't even gone past six innings all season in the minors to pitch six innings of one-hit, shutout ball in an embarrassing 7-1 loss. And Adalberto Mendez probably would have made it even more embarrassing for the Phils if he hadn't left the game after injuring himself running to first on a single.

Even though Vance Worley, who was called up from Lehigh Valley to get the spot start, picked up the loss, you can't fault him. He surrendered just two runs in his five innings, striking out five and instilling more confidence than Kyle Kendrick has of late. The offense was just lifeless again. Against a rookie. Then Chad Durbin and Mike Zagurski got rocked.

Durbin has been tremendous practically all season, but this is a little cause for concern. It's his second bad outing in a couple of games, perhaps raising a red flag that he's out of bullets. Hopefully not, because the guy has been a vital part of the pen this year. Zagurski, well, he just proved yet again that he's not major league material. His resemblance to Pukemon certainly doesn't help things.



Thankfully the Phillies' bats woke up in the nightcap, specifically with a five-run inning in the 2nd, to finish Labor Day a half game behind Atlanta and get Roy Oswalt the win. Shane had three hits, an RBI, a run scored and two stolen bases batting leadoff. Placido was 2-for-4 with a double, triple, two runs and two RBIs. Chase also went 2-for-4 with two RBIs and a run. And Raul had a two-hit game of his own, scoring a run and driving one in. Even Jimmy got in on the action, singling and scoring, while Curbball got an RBI on a bases-loaded walk and scored a run himself. The man is clutch. The same cannot be said of most of the other hitters this season.

Thanks to that Braves loss, the Phils had a chance to be in sole possession of first place by taking both games of the double-header. That did not happen, as they split.

For a while now, the Phils have been inching closer and closer to the Braves. Now they're as close they can be to first without actually being at least tied for first, but it hasn't been pretty. The Braves have been trying to hand the division over to the Phils for some time. Now is as good a time as any to finally take it. And run with it.

Somebody should tell the bats.

The Most Bizarre Final Innings Ever

Last night was game 1 of our three-game slow-pitch softball championship series, so I missed most the Phils game. (We won, by the way.) The last thing we heard, the Phils were up 2-0 and Roy Oswalt was tossing a two-hit gem in his second outing as a Phillie. The next thing we know, we walk in the door and the Phils trailing 4-2 in the top of the 8th. Awesome.

We found out later that J.C. Romero walked in a run as the wheels came off in the 7th, with Oswalt giving up a single and walk to start the inning, then Romero and Contreras blowing it even further from there. Man does this bullpen stink.



Then the 9th inning happened, one of the weirdest, ugliest, unbelievable innings of baseball I've ever seen in my entire life. Down two runs with a flame-throwing youngster on the hill, the Phils had the heart of their order coming up to face a guy that had thrown some 30 pitches the night before. You really couldn't ask for a better setup to try and redeem another choke job from the bullpen. And things got even brighter when Placido Polanco started things off by reaching on an errant throw by Hanley Ramirez. I don't what's worse, the Phillies' bullpen or Florida's defense. Seriously, those guys suck hard at fielding.

That was all the spark the Phils needed. Over the past three seasons, the Phillies have been a team that absolutely punishes opponents late in games, capitalizing on mistakes and coming from behind to win. That's been mostly absent in 2010, but as the Phils get hotter and hotter, even with their two offensive stars and starting centerfielder out of the lineup, you can see these guys beginning to get that come-from-behind confidence back. And that was on full display last night.

Following Ramirez's error, Ross Gload, wearing an 0-for-4 collar on the night before this at-bat, roped a sinlge up the middle. I was beginning to get excited. Then the red-hot Raul Ibanez stepped to the plate and took a mighty hack. When he hit it, I thought for sure it was a fly out. He got so far under it and hit is so high, there was no way it was going out. Except that it almost did. Carrying through the humid Florida air, the ball disappeared against the white of the Goya sign in left-center, and for a moment, I thought it had cleared he wall for the go-ahead three-run homer. It didn't, but it did result in an RBI double, plating Polanco to make it a one-run game with runners on second and third and still no one out.

Jayson Werth followed with a great at-bat himself, singling just past the drawn-in, diving Ramirez, tying the game at 4-4, still no one out and runners at the corners. Sweet.



That's when things really turned screwy. Everyone's favorite late-season rookie sensation Domonic Brown (who had already singled and scored a run on Curbball's two-run double in the 6th) stepped to the plate. I called for his first home run, feeling almost certain he was about to get his first in grand fashion. Instead, he ripped a single to first. Ibanez was off on contact, and got gunned at the plate. No run, runners on 1st and 2nd, one out. With Carlos Ruiz at the dish, a guy who has been absolutely crushing the ball of late, especially against the Marlins, the Phils were still in a great spot, especially considering Chooch had already driven in two runs.

But then, inexplicably, Jayson Werth got picked off of second. It was like he was trying to steal on first movement, and he was a dead duck, with no chance to get back. Two outs. It was unbelievably bad. I understand his thinking, getting to third with less than two outs, giving Ruiz a chance at a sac fly to take the lead, or even scoring on a wild pitch. But if you're gonna go, you have to make it, have to know for sure you're going to make it. Turns out, Werth wasn't even sure that Nunez was going home with the pitch. And he was toast. That right there killed the rally, even if Ruiz was still up with a runner on.

That 9th inning alone was sort of a microcosm of Werth's season this year. He does some great things, then just looks completely awful. He started the season out playing as good as anyone in baseball, tearing the cover off the ball, playing flawless defense. Then he couldn't hit a beachball, flailing and lunging and getting caught looking, while he uncharacteristically made a few bad errors in the field. Then he got hot again, then cooling off this series. And last night, he ties the game with an RBI single in the 9th, then gets picked off of second in the very same inning to all but assure the Phils wouldn't take the lead that looked inevitable.

To put a capper on the weirdness, Domonic Brown got caught stealing to end the inning. Admittedly, with Ruiz already having two strikes on him, I was on the same page as Brown and the Phillies. I send, "They should send Brown now, try to get him in scoring position." Problem is, the Marlins were on the same page too, pitching out and getting Brown easily. Unbelievable. The Phils had just mounted a great comeback, taking advantage of an ill-timed error, to tie the game AND had runners on first and third with no one out. Then they ran into three outs, not getting another run. I honestly don't think I've ever seen that before. Ever. Stunning.

At that point, Adam EatShit said what we were all thinking, that the Phillies were definitely going to lose this game now. Given this team's bullpen and the way it had squandered what could have been a gigantic inning — albeit tying the game in the process —  it seemed like a gut-wrenching loss was on the way. Especially with the top of Florida's lineup due up. Little did we know the inning was about to get even weirder.



Predictably, things started out terribly, as head case Ryan Madson hit Hanley Ramirez with a pitch. He did redeem himself by getting Logan Morrison on strikes, but now he had to deal with Gaby Sanchez. That's when this happened. After Hanley stole second, Sanchez absolutely ripped one down the third-base line, destined to be the game-winning hit. Adam's prediction had come true. Only it didn't, because somehow, some way, third-base umpire Bob Davidson called the ball foul. My roommate and I looked at each other. Immediately, before any replay was shown, he said, "That was a fair ball." I said I thought so too. And upon further review, it absolutely was. No doubt about it. The ball was scalded, hit the third base line before the bag, bounced over it and then landed a good six inches or so in fair territory on the other side of the bag. Unless, as either Wheels or McCarthy put it (I don't remember which one it was), it took a Bugs Bunny turn, that ball, by sheer physics, had to have gone over the bag.



It hit fair and landed fair. But Davidson called it foul. And on the very next pitch, Madson struck Sanchez out. Talk about getting a second chance. Sanchez was rightfully pissed off in the dugout, slamming down his equipment and clearly yelling obscenities. That's when Adam reversed course, and said,"Now we're definitely winning this game." Madson then intentionally walked Dan Uggla, and struck out Cody Ross on three pitches to end the inning.

With a second life and a fresh count thanks to Dom getting caught stealing, Curbball came through yet again, crushing a solo homer run to give the Phils the lead in the 10th. Ruiz must think it's October or something. I love that guy.

You know who I don't love? Greg Dobbs. Not even a little bit. You know why? Because he sucks. Really, really, really sucks. Following Ruiz's awesome home run, Dobbs struck out and didn't even come close to doing anything with pitch. He's now hitting .191 on the season. Seriously, .191. This a year after batting .247. He hasn't had a hit in forever. And he can't field even a little bit. Say what you want about Cody Ransom and his shitty sub-mendoza line average, but at least that guy can field a little bit. Dobbs is worthless, and there's absolutely no reason whatsoever, even with all the injuries, that a guy who is batting .191 with a .254 on-base percentage and cannot field is still on a team and playing for a squad that is in the midst of a tight division race in August. Greg Dobbs shouldn't even be sent to the minors. He should be sent into retirement. He's awful. There is absolutely no way this guy should be on the Phillies anymore. It's not 2008 anymore. Send him packing.

Sorry, got a little off-track there. After Dobbs did what he always does these days, it looked as though Ben Francisco had given the Phils a much-needed insurance run, demolishing a pitch down the left field line. When he hit it, from the angle we were shown live, I was certain it was a home run. But Davidson called it foul, and I thought for sure he had fucked up the call again. However, video replay confirmed that, yes, the ball was indeed foul, no doubt about it. And even if it had been fair, it would be hard to complain, seeing as the Marlins would have won and all if he made the right call in the 9th. So thanks, Bob. We appreciate it. Francisco wound up flying out to center and Jimmy continued his epic season of suck at the plate, striking out to drop his average to .241, which is still 50 points higher than Dobbs.

Of course, this game was still far from over. You know, because Brad Lidge was coming into the game to try and somehow not blow a save. Adam asked us what we thought, and my roommate and I both agreed that we thought Lidge would get the job done, but we also both agreed to set the over/under on base runners at two and both took the over.



When heralded rookie Mike Stanton led off the inning with a scalded single, our bet looked safe, and we all became nervous. But then, even with starting out 1-0 to the next two batters on extremely high fastballs, Lidge looked like a new man. He struck out Wes Helms with filthy slider, then did the same to Brett Hayes. Suddenly the Phils were one out away from an improbable, incredibly victory, with the fast yet not very intimidating Emilio Bonifacio at the dish. Lidge got him to fly out harmlessly to right, as Dom Brown squeezed to close out the game.

It was definitely one of the weirdest endings I had ever seen. The comeback, the base-running blunders, the blown call, everything. But in the end, the Phils came out victorious, finished off the sweep of the Marlins, something this team has not been able to do all that much over the years. Now they've won four in a row, are 8-2 in their last 10 games and remain just 2 games behind the Braves in the division and just a game-and-half behind the Giants in the Wild Card.

Lately, the hero has been Curbball, and last night was no exception. Ruiz continued his hot streak and impressive season, going 3-for-5 last night with two doubles, three RBIs and a run scored, along with that game-winning homer in the 10th. He's now batting .298 on the year. And it's not even October yet. Curbball's doing everything in his power to make sure the Phils get back to the playoffs, where El Senor Octubre can shine.

What to Watch This Weekend

The Eagles get the earliest possible bye week of the NFL season, meaning no Birds for you this weekend. So what to watch? Well, the Phillies begin a three-game set with the Marlins tonight to wrap up the regular season, but to be honest, it's hard to conjure up much excitement about it, even with home field on the line. After locking up the division, there isn't much drama left, especially with all four NL participants locked in. Now it's just a matter of when and where the Phils will take on either the Dodgers or the Rockies.



And let's be honest with ourselves: As much as I believe the Phillies can beat anyone in baseball, this isn't the same indestructible force that steamrolled through September and October last season. The bullpen is a mess. The starters have been up and down all season long. And the bats still go through their cold spells. Sure, they can still do it, but it doesn't quite feel like it did last year, does it?

Speaking of not feeling like last year, Penn State plays again this weekend. And by not feeling like last year, I mean this team will not repeat as Big Ten champs. Because last week, it actually felt exactly like last year, losing to Iowa again as Daryll Clark had a horrible game again. That part felt exactly like last year. The rest, not so much. There is no A.Q. Shipley, Gerald Cadogen and Rich Ohrnberger, and that means there will be no Big Ten title. Just not happening.

But Penn State does have a chance to get away from State College after that horrific loss and rebound against a struggling Illinois team tomorrow at 3:30. And rebound they better because if this team loses to an absolutely dreadful Illinois squad, I might just give up.





I miss George Paterno … and LaVar for that matter. But I digress.

Penn State has to beat Illinois. They just have to. And I think they will, but not everyone feels that way:

On the surface this looks like a good game for Penn State to shake off their disappointing performance from last Saturday night and get back to winning games. The Illinois offense couldn't find the endzone if you gave them a map and a GPS. Juice WIlliams is handing out turnovers like it's a bake sale. There's nobody in the backfield to compliment him in the running game. Their defense looks just barely tougher than Strawberry Shortcake. By all measures, this game should be an easy win for a team that won the Big Ten Championship a year ago.
And yet, I'm scared. We are now five weeks into the season. The hope that things are going to get better or work themselves out is fading away like the green in the autumn leaves. Until I see otherwise, I don't believe this offensive line can play any better. I don't think Evan Royster will find any room to run. I don't think Daryll Clark can handle even the slightest amount of pressure, and when things go bad he sulks rather than shake it off. I don't think he can get through a game without throwing one or two interceptions. I don't think we can return a kick past the 20 yard line. I don't think we can prevent our opponent from returning one past the 30. I don't think our place kicker can hit a field goal outside of 35 yards. And I don't think any of these problems will magically go away this week.
I think the defense will play well and keep the Nittany Lions in the game, but in the last two games against Illinois Arrelious Benn has absolutely killed them with big plays. This young secondary hasn't been tested against a beast like him. Miss an assignment against Temple and it's just a 36 yard gain. Miss an assignment against Benn and it's six points.
I just have a bad feeling about this game. It's the first road game of the year, and we all know that means PUCKER PUCKER PUCKER. I think it's going to be aggravating to watch as the Penn State offense bumbles and stumbles. I think the defense will be playing with their back against the wall often, and in the end the offense and special teams blow it. God, I hope I'm wrong.
Penn State 16, Illinois 20

I hope you're wrong too. Because a loss to this average-at-best team would be devastating and I'd be pissed off beyond belief.

At least there will be minimal stress on Sunday. With no Eagles, it's the perfect time to sit back and enjoy the Red Zone Channel in all its awesome glory. And if you don't have the Red Zone Channel, may I suggest killing yourself? I know I would if I was at the mercy of Fox and CBS. It's 2009, people. Get with the times.

A letter to the Marlins

Dear Florida Marlins,
Guys, I know you have nothing to play for, but for the love of God, just win. I hate the Mets. You hate the Mets. Go out there and kick the shit out of them. You guys are young, talented, and have six months off after Sunday. All I'm asking is that you go out there and give the Mets hell. Also, please throw a fastball at Jose Reyes' face. If you want to throw at David Wright's wrist and break it, you can do that.




Thank you,
Every Phillies fan alive.

For a team facing one of the worst teams in baseball with a one game lead and three games left, I do not feel very good right now. I try not to be a pessimist(Ed note: Really?), but dang it, I'm nervous. Maybe it's because the Phillies have made the postseason so few times in my lifetime so I'm not used to the Phillies playing important games, but I'm downright nervous right now. With their offense, there should be no question that they could win, but who knows what starting pitching staff will show up? I don't want the wild card either for the Phillies. I want the NL EAST and I want to tell every New York Mets fan in this area to shut the fuck up again you dumb, arrogant motherfuckers. This is it Phillies. Don't get scared now. You have your entire season in your hands. Just fucking beat the Nationals and you are the NL EAST champions again. If they make the playoffs, they will face either the Dodgers or Brewers. Two teams you just swept. Things could not look any better for you. Yet somehow I'm still nervous.

Also, in University Park, Penn State has a chance to show the entire country that their offense is the real deal. A night game in Beaver Stadium, with an entire stadium white out, they face the Fighting Illini. (I think White outs should be meant for student sections only. If you are alumni and want to act like a student, try standing on your feet the whole game and screaming your lungs out while the Nittany Lions are on defense.) A huge win over Illinois will put fear into the hearts of the entire Big 10. This is a top 25 ranked team and a team that beat them last year.(That was Anthony Morelli's fault by the way. The guy decided to throw 4 INTs in the last 18 minutes of that game.) The stadium should be electric and with Mo Evans back, the d-line should get much needed help.



Also, Juice Williams does not scare anyone. I've seen Juice Williams play before and let's just say I'm not impressed. Complete a few more passes and we'll talk. This should be a 28 point win. Anything less and I'm punching someone on College Ave after the game.

Spectacular Sunday

Aside from the fact that both the Phillies and Eagles were on at the exact same time, this was one of the better Sundays in recent memory. But seriously, why the hell were the Phillies and Marlins playing at 4? Really. Can anyone explain this? I had to do all sorts of channel-flipping. That was annoying.

What wasn't annoying was the outcomes from the day. After a disappointing loss Friday night, low-lighted by Brett Myers' return to his pre-IronPigs form, the Phils gutted out a nice 3-2 win Saturday with a nice job by Joe Blanton (9 strikeouts and only 2 runs) and an even better job by the bullpen, with Chad Durbin, J.C. Romero, Ryan Madson and Brad Lidge combining for 4 shutout innings.

Then today, the Phils jumped out to a 3-0 lead, and Jamie Moyer continued to dominate the Fish, picking up his 11th career victory against the Marlins in his 12th game against them.



Things got off to a nice start when Chase Utley hit his first home run in forever in the 3rd to put the Phils ahead 2-0. Then the Marlins did what they've grown accustomed to doing, throwing the ball away and handing the Phils a run in the 4th. And after the Marlins cut the lead to 3-2 by squeaking out runs in the 6th and 7th, Pete Happy, who came in after Greg Dobbs injured himself, hit a big two-run homer to give the Phils some breathing room.



Then Lidge came in and notched his 40th save of the season, remaining perfect on the year. The win gave the Phils a 2-1 series win, and, thanks to another choke job by the Mets, who lost two of three from the freakin Atlanta Braves this weekend including a 7-6 loss today, the Phils now lead the division by 1.5 games.

The Braves sure did help us out this year. Deja vu in New York?

Meanwhile, over on CBS, where my attention was concentrated on, the Eagles put forth one of the most dominating defensive efforts in recent memory. Jim Johnson finally came to his senses and listen to me, blitzing the hell out of an injured (and jumpy) Ben Roethlisberger. And it worked. Beautifully.



Big Ben was running for his life all game, and often to no avail. Johnson dialed up the blitz early and often, and the results speak for themselves. The Eagles held Pittsburgh to just 6 points, both of which came off turnovers, and sacked Roethlisberger 9 times. They forced three turnovers, including an incredible interception by Asante Samuel and two fumble recoveries, and recorded a safety.



The Steelers, who had been completely dominant in their first two games of the season, managed just 180 yards of offense--just 147 in the air and a remarkable 33 yards on the ground. Willie Parker, who came into the game as the third leading rusher in the NFL, gained just 20 yards on 13 carries. Roethlisberger, who had the highest quarterback rating in the league, went 13-25 for just 131 yards and a pick before he was knocked out of the game in the 4th quarter.

And Brian Dawkins answered his critics for one game at least, registering 4 tackles, a sack and forcing the fumble--which he recovered himself--by Ben Roethlisberger that sealed the game.



It was a great win to get to 2-1 and rebound from the tough loss Monday night by beating a very good football team. The Eagles were completely dominant, especially defensively, and the game was never really in doubt.

However, it wasn't all good news. Brian Westbrook left the game in the second quarter with an ankle injury and did not return. And let me tell you, it didn't look good. At all. It reminded me of when Donovan broke his ankle in 2002. Hopefully it's just a sprain, but it looked pretty awful and the Birds could be without one of the best backs in the league for a while.

Also, Tony Hunt, after taking a vicious hit where he fumbled the ball on the first drive, looked concussed and did not return. Not sure if he did suffer a concussion, but he got nailed and never returned. That's two losses at running back. The good news is that Correll Buckhalter looked really good, averaging 4.3 yards a carry and nabbing six catches for 44 yards, including a sick 20-yard touchdown, the only touchdown of the game.





Also, Sav Rocca, after one terrible punt, was spectacular, kicking the hell out of the ball, especially in the fourth quarter. He helped change the field position numerous times and pinned Pittsburgh deep on three occasions, highlighted by a 64-yarder and another punt that landed right at the 6 yard line out of bounds. It was a thing of beauty.

Kudos to the Eagles defense and Sav Rocca. The offense left much to be desired, but overall it was a great win. Let's just hope Westbrook isn't out for an extended period time, the Eagles can continue to build off this win and the Phils clinch up the division this week.