Monday, December 28, 2009

Is Macho Harris Cut Yet?

Because if he's not, he should do all us Eagles fans a favor and just kill himself.

Get the fuck off the field

And while you're at it, drop the stupid fucking nickname, because there's nothing macho about your game, Victor. Hitting a defenseless receiver after your teammate just intercepted a pass and returned it to midfield — no matter how annoying the rule itself is — to bring the ball all the way back inside the 5 is not macho. Fumbling not one but two kickoffs, with one of them leading to a touchdown, is not macho. And generally sucking all season long is not macho. Your name is Victor, you stupid jerk. And from here on out, I shall never refer to you as Macho again.

Back in September, I actually wrote this about Harris:

"Oh, and from what I saw, Macho Victor Harris looked like a real player. I think I'm going to like that guy."

I've never been more wrong in my entire life. I hate Victor Harris. Everything about him. His stupid nickname, the way he looks, his suspect returning, his terrible defense, everything. He somehow won the starting free safety job out of training camp and then has progressively gotten worse and worse each and every week. He's horrible at football, and that may be putting it kindly, and he's a moron to boot.

With the Eagles up 27-10 in the 3rd quarter, the Broncos were driving and looking like they were about to score. Then Asante Samuel did what he does best, picking off a pass and returning it to the 50. Only one problem: Victor Harris hit a defenseless Tony Scheffler, bringing the ball all the way back from the 50 to the 4. So instead of working a short field and being in good shape to put up more points, the Eagles were backed up, got stopped and had to punt. That flipped field position, as the Broncos started at the Eagles' 25 and scored to cut it to 27-17.

On the ensuing kickoff, Victor Harris was swinging the ball around so wildly that I could hear LeSean McCoy on the sidelines even telling him to tuck the damn thing away. He did not, got completely leveled, fumbled and the Broncos recovered, getting the ball at the Eagles' 16. Two plays later, Knowshon Moreno was prancing into the end zone, and a 17-point lead turned into a 3-point lead. Two boneheaded, backbreaking plays by Victor Harris, two Denver scores and a big lead cut to a thin margin.

To make matters worse, Andy Reid and Marty Mornhinweg completely went away from what was working in the first half — whether it was because of the Broncos or their own stupidity — and abandoned the run altogether. Because they are morons. In the first half, the Eagles torched the Broncos for 20 points and could have possibly put up even more. They were extremely balanced, working Brian Westbrook back into the game, getting Leonard Weaver his touches and giving LeSean McCoy some running room.

That opened up the passing game, allowing DeSean Jackson to make a couple of big catches and then when Denver started to take DeSean away, opened up the field for Brent Celek to run wild.

Celek completely killed the Broncos in that first half, getting wide open on a few occasions, making a sick one-handed catch to get going and finishing the half with 4 catches for 121 yards and touchdown, including three catches of more than 30 yards. The guy is having a Pro Bowl season and really should make it, but he probably won't because people are stupid. No matter. Celek has been huge for the Eagles, and he was huge in that first half. And Donovan McNabb was incredibly sharp, finding the open receiver seemingly every pass play, especially Celek. As a result, the Eagles held a 20-7 lead and looked generally unstoppable.

Then in the 3rd quarter, everything changed. Up by 13 points and looking to secure a win and put pressure on Minnesota for that 2nd seed, you'd expect a smart team to continue being balanced, relying even a little more on the run to help wear down the defense and run the clock. Instead, the Eagles do what they are wont to do from time to time and get pass-happy. Extremely pass-happy. On the first drive, McNabb hit Jeremy Maclin for 25 yards, then threw an interception. Two passes. On the second drive, the Eagles ran the ball three times — an 11-yard run by LeSean McCoy, four yards by McCoy and a four-year run by Westbrook. They also threw three times, completing just one pass, which happened to be the touchdown off the tipped pass from McNabb to Jason Avant. It was the only time the Eagles stayed balanced in the 2nd half, and it resulted in their only touchdown. Three runs, three passes, 7 points, 27-10 lead.

It was all downhill from there. From there on out, the Eagles went three-and-out four straight times, calling just two running plays on those four possessions. Two runs in four possessions, zero first downs. This is not rocket science. The Eagles refused to run, meaning the Broncos could just sit back and play the pass, which made the Eagles easy to defend, which resulted in three-and-out after three-and-out and a 17-point lead turning into a tie game.

And to make matters even worse, after Harris had already gift-wrapped 14 points to Denver with his boneheaded hit and terrible fumble, on his very next chance to return a kickoff, he fumbled again. Motherfucker just cost his team 14 points, just fumbled the last time he touched the ball. You'd think he's make sure to secure the ball, run with two hands on it the whole way if he had to. But he didn't. Instead, he again swung the ball wildly and fumbled. I wanted him to die a horrible death right then and there. Lucky for him, Victor Abiamiri was there to fall on it, but that play made it abundantly clear: Victor Harris should never again be allowed to touch a football. If I see him back to return just one more kick ever, I will lose it. Quintin Demps can't get healthy soon enough. And even if he doesn't, put someone — anyone — else back there. Because Victor Harris sucks, and should be put down. I hate him. I hate him so very much.

The way the second half was going, it had all the makings of an epic collapse. But once the Broncos finally climbed all the way back into it, tying the game at 20, the Eagles turned it on. And it's a good thing, because this team still has a chance to catch the Vikings and still has not wrapped up the division.

On the final drive, Jeremy Maclin made the play of the game, McNabb led the Eagles into the field goal range, and David Akers sealed the game. It was wild, and watching that second half was one of the most frustrating things all season, but they somehow pulled it out for their sixth straight win. That's a nice way to cap off Brian Dawkins' homecoming.

I have to say, watching him come out of that tunnel again and doing his thing made me miss him even more. Sure, once the game started and things got going, it was easy to forget about Dawkins and his homecoming, but watching the ineptitude of Victor Harris, the weak play of Sean Jones of late and the health issues hitting Qunitin Demps, not to mention the general poor play out of the safety position for Philadelphia this season, and well, it makes me miss the guy even more. Brian Dawkins didn't stand out on the field yesterday. He didn't have a great game. But he still led the Broncos in tackles, he still was firing up his troops on the sidelines and he certainly didn't do anything to hinder Denver's chances. He has made the Broncos a better defensive team. And he would have made the Eagles a much, much better defensive team this season. And no matter how many times we see it, that No. 20 Denver jersey will just never look right. Brian Dawkins belongs in Philadelphia. It was nice to see him back in the city that grew to love him and he grew to love right back, even if for just one game.

Oh, and Andy, you do know that Leonard Weaver is on this team and has played pretty well, right? Just making sure, because you seemed to completely forget that he existed in that second half.

And I hate Victor Harris. He should be cut. And shot. Along with Sav Rocca. I hate him too.

BallHype: hype it up!


  1. Dude, you're an ass.
    Go suck a nipple you big baby!
    You suck at life-kill yo self fool!

  2. I do like sucking nipples, so count me on that. And yes, I am an ass. I thought I've made that abundantly clear.

    What I don't understand is why Victor Harris is reading this obscure blog.