A Lot Happened and I Have Nothing to Say About It

Friday: Jamie Moyer found the fountain of youth, pitched an improbable two-hit shutout, facing just one batter more than the minimum, all while striking out five — making history doing so to become the oldest player ever to toss a shutout, and becoming the only major league pitcher to throw a shutout in four different decades.



The moral of the story? Jamie Moyer is old as shit, and Phillies fans enjoy vagina. True story.

Jayson Werth also hit a three-run bomb, because Jayson Werth is awesome, and Shane Victorino showed off his golden glove.

Oh yeah, and Simon Gagne returned in style.



And Chris Pronger tallied a goal and an assist. That guy is good.

Saturday: I got really drunk and the Phillies lost. I'm glad I missed it.

Sunday: Cole was skating around trouble all game long … until it finally caught up with him the fifth. But no matter, Werth and Polanco had his back, the bullpen shut things down to the tune of four perfect innings, Shane added a homer for some insurance, and Lidge got his first save of the year. Hats off to Chad Durbin and Jose Contreras, or as I like to call them, the only reliable Phillies relievers. Thank god Danys Baez didn't have to come in.

Rajon Rondo — beast: 29 points, 18 rebounds, 13 assists.



Please, everyone, vote for Chooch:

.465 OBP, good for first in the National League at any position
.325 BA, eighth in the NL
21 walks, eighth in the NL (and remember, as a catcher, he gets more days off than other position players)