In case you haven't heard, the rumors are whirling about a possible return of Theo Ratliff to the Sixers, thanks in large part to the injury to Jason Smith.
Now, if you know anything about me, you know that I want nothing more than for this to happen. I love Theo Ratliff. If you don't (fuck you, Simmons), then you can just stop reading this site right now. The long arm of the law would be a welcome addition. He could go out there right now and get three blocks in 10 minutes, and let's be honest, with the 2008-09 edition of the Sixers, that's all Theo would be expected to do.
Bring him back. And yes, if he does come back, Elton Brand should be forced to give up the No. 42, so it can go back to its rightful owner, Theo Ratliff.
Well, it certainly looks like Cole's speech to the team paid off. Kinda. A little bit.
After all, they did manage to explode for two whole runs, which was finally enough for Hamels to get off the schnide. Cole pitched eight strong innings, scattering seven hits while surrendering just one run to finally pick up his long overdue 10th win of the season. Jimmy Rollins, free from the tyranny of boos, scored the first run of the game, and then proceeded to do squat the rest of the way. But no worries, a man who can take a good booing and like it, Pat Burrell, played hero, launching a solo shot in the left field seats for what wound up being the winning run.
Last night's win wrapped up a cheer-worthy 2-5 west coast swing that saw the Phils go from two games up to two games back of the Mets in the division. Jimmy Rollins' batting average is now down to .266. Make sure to give him a standing ovation tomorrow night. Clearly he's earned it.
As far as the weekend went, the Phillies were way down on the list of things that were fun for me. Sure, Brad Lidge looked great again, getting two saves in two opportunities to remain perfect on the season, but even his electric slider couldn't compare to Michael Phelps.
On Friday night, I was giving my dad shit for turning off football, even it was preseason, to watch swimming. I most profess, I usually hate swimming. But I knew my dad wanted to watch, and honestly, deep down, so did I. I wasn't disappointed. As I watched the 100-meter butterfly, with Phelps racing for his 7th gold, I was certain he lost. Serbian Milo Cavic looked to finish milliseconds ahead of Phelps, crushing the run to perfection.
But the scoreboard said Phelps finished first, by the slimmest of margins, 1/100th of a second. I couldn't believe it. I watched the replay, and upon first glance, it showed what my eyes saw the first time around. Phelps lost. I was certain. In fact, the American was still in a full windup of a stroke as Cavic reached for the wall. Another replay, and I still thought there was a mistake. Then, they showed the underwater angle, confirming that Phelps, indeed, touched the wall just before Cavic. It was amazing—a script that couldn't even be written.
On Saturday, I had the displeasure of spending the evening in New York. Actually, truth be told, I had a great time, seeing as I was completely shitfaced by 8:30 p.m. thanks to a bachelor party. And as I was drinking like Kerry Collins, race time approached for Phelps and his U.S. teammates. When it began, the entire bar, packed full, went ape-shit nuts, yelling the entire race and roaring when the U.S. won. It was pretty cool. From what I remember.
So cool, in fact, I decided to celebrate by more drinking. It was fun. And fucking expensive. Take a guess at what it cost me to order a round (10) of carbombs? $150 with tip. New York blows.
As a borderline midget myself, I'm drawn to short guys that can truly hoop it up. Nate Robinson is one of those guys.
Since he was at Washington, I've been a huge Nate Robinson fan. Although I find it annoying he was given the Dunk Contest undeservedly over Iggy (and he plays for the Knicks), I still am a big fan. This video, courtesy of Dime, shows why.
The little man dropped 51 in the game. That's pretty nasty.
And in this edition of Time to Dance, I present Byron Evans, one the most underrated linebackers in Eagles history.
Gotta love a linebacker end zone dance, especially when it comes against the stinking Giants. I think Time to Dance is here to stay, every Friday. Mark Bavaro, you got served!
I really don't want to discuss Jimmy Rollins too much longer. Let's face the facts, there were some real things going on last night like the Eagles playing, looking pretty good and winning, and the Phils getting swept by the Dodgers, which according to Rollins is deserving of cheers.
But seeing as I only watched the first quarter and missed the Phils entirely due to my decision to go to a bar and get drunk, there's something that pissed me off even more about Jimmy. Last night on "Daily News Live," Rollins explained his comments via phone. Now thinking back on it, I can't even remember if it was live on "DNL" or an excerpt from "The Best Damn Sports Show Period," which clip is here at The700Level.
Jimmy basically says that the word frontrunner means something different to him. Come on. How stupid do you think we are, Mr. Rollins? Frontrunner, in the context you used it, has only one—I repeat, one—definition. It means fans that only show up and root for the team when they are winning, out in front. A synonym is fair-weather fan. You know this as much as the next guy. To pretend otherwise is ignorant on your part, which you have truly proven to be.
Further, after now listening to you talk on "The Best Damn Sports Show Period" again, you are even less intelligent than I thought. In the interview, you talk about how booing, this time of year, at home, in a pennant race, can negatively affect the team. It's not the appropriate time to boo, because it makes things difficult. Then, at the end of your interview, you say that the fans can boo you and it won't bother you, won't affect you because you're out there to win games. So we shouldn't boo because it affects the team but we can boo because it doesn't affect you? Make up your God damn mind you unapologetic, ungrateful "punk."
The one thing you got right, Jimmy, is that you can't be no punk in Philadelphia. Too bad you just made yourself one. It is the hardest thing to have to turn on you. You've been one of my favorite players in the city, and one of the few players ever in this town that has been unconditionally supported before this. Hell, even Mike Schmidt can't say that. Now, you threw it all away. I can't wait until you get booed back to Oakland. You betrayed us, Jimmy, and no explanation, apology (which clearly will never come) or spectacular play will ever make up for that.
As long as you are a Phillie, the fans will hope you do well on the field to help the team win, but I can guaran-damn-tee they, we, I will never, ever respect you ever again. You are a two-faced punk, and you don't deserve the fans of Philadelphia. They're too good for you. Bet you never thought you'd hear that.
I just bought a bag of Skittles from the vending machine in my office. It was by far the worst bag of Skittles in the history of Skittles.
It had exactly 2 red, 1 orange and 4 yellow. It was mostly green, which sucks, and too much purple for my liking. What's the deal with this bag here Skittles?
It is official. Chad Johnson is my favorite athlete alive. I cannot get enough. And note to Mr. Rollins, Chad actually made it a point, when he wanted out of Cincy, to say he loved the Cincy fans. Man may be crazy, but he loves him some fans.
Both courtesy The Fightins (the second is fake, in case you weren't sure, but it's pretty funny)
This is the dumbest thing uttered about this city since Travis Lee called us low-class. I actually hope Rollins gets a career-ending injury. I will never, ever like him again. Let's hope the Phillies can win in spite of him, not because of him.
I actually respect Scott Rolen more than Rollins now, and that is a ridiculous statement that should have never been uttered. At least Rolen never dogged it, and he actually had the sense to leave when he couldn't take the heat in Philly. Rollins is just a scumbag that made his name in this city, a city that has done absolutely nothing but support the guy since he came to town, and now he's shitting all over it—not just with his statements but with his putrid, no-hustle play. After 8 years, we finally see his true colors: Jimmy Rollins is nothing more than an overconfident, prima-dona asshole who has all the gifts and talent in the world, but doesn't do jack shit to nurture his talents and get better. He does not give a fuck about anyone but himself. I will never, ever respect Jimmy Rollins again. If he died today, my only concern would be who will play shortstop tomorrow.
I hope I don't see you around town Jimmy, because rest assured, I will fucking murder you with insults until I am forcibly removed from where I am. Fuck off, Jimmy Rollins. You deserve all the bad things that will come your way. And when you hear the boos next week, just remember that you brought this entirely on yourself. Asshole.
This is for the kid in left field that says, "Hit it to me, Jroll." FUCK YOU JIMMY. I've had some time now to sit down and ponder the statement, "I'm gonna catch some flak for this, but they are frontrunners." And it turns out, that after thinking about it, I still hate you Jimmy Rollins.
Philadelphia fans have been behind you from the start. They have done nothing but cheer you for pretty much your entire career in Philadelphia. You are an amazing shortstop. You really are. You play great defense. We have applauded you for this since you were called up in the end of 2000.
Last year, you had one of the best offensive seasons in a long time.
162 games played 139 runs 212 hits 38 doubles 20 triples 30 home runs 94 RBIs 41 steals .296 average
Thats awesome, really awesome. We applauded you for this as well. With chants of "MVP, MVP, MVP" filling up Citizens Bank Park. You earned the MVP award. You really did. You also have been one of my favorite players on this team since you first came up. I've always sat in the stands and clapped when you came up and yelled your name.
BUT IT'S OVER. All of it is out the window. You go on TV and call the fans that have been there for the past 8 years of your career, cheering for you and the Phillies, FRONTRUNNERS? Really? You really said that? You called the fans of a team that has won ONE world series in its entire existence, FRONTRUNNERS?
I'll be the first to admit that there are a bunch of idiots in the stadium these days that don't know anything about the Phillies and don't deserve to come to a game. Personally, I don't think you should be allowed in the stadium unless you can name the starting lineup, including pitcher before the game. But you didn't call those people frontrunners. You called all of Phillies fans frontrunners. The people that have been there and followed the team and lived and died with the team from their births. And believe me, there has been a lot more dying then living.
That is below the belt. You want us to be like Cardinal fans? Encourage you when you suck. Tell you everything will be all right when you go 0 for 5 in the middle of a pennant race. Well it's not fucking all right. This is a pennant race you douchebag. You come off the best season of your career and you let it get to your head. You don't run out ground balls. You rarely work counts. You aren't a leader. A leader doesn't come late to a game against their most hated rival and he certainly doesn't think it's not a big deal. You don't say that you disagree with Charlie for benching you when you are an asshole and can't get to a stadium on time. Frankly, with the way you have been hitting, you should be arriving every day 4 hours early to work on your hitting. Hit the fucking ball on the ground. Drag bunt once in a while. Work the count. Show the other batters what the pitcher has. Grow up, stop swinging for the fences.
I'm at the point now, where I would rather see Eric Bruntlett playing. You disgust me that much. How are you going to call, "THE MOST PASSIONATE FANS IN BASEBALL" (from your commercial) frontrunners. A frontrunner, to me, doesn't have passion in their description. A frontrunner only shows up and cares about their team when you are in first place and out in front. How often over the past 8 years have those cheers you had come when you were in first place? Not that fucking many.
I regret every time I had ever said, "let's go JRoll" or "you're the man, Jimmy." I really do. I don't want to cheer for someone that doesn't appreciate me. I'm taking your giveaway bobble head and statue and breaking them in half. I really am. And next time I'm at the park, I'm going to boo the shit out of you. This isn't St. Louis, Jimmy. I'm not going to cheer every fucking player on the team. You have to earn my cheers. I assume we should thank So Taguchi for being the worst defensive replacement in major league history. Or how about we cheer Carlos Ruiz for grounding into a double play every single time he is up to bat?
So in conclusion, Jimmy Rollins sucks at life and should punch his own face off, and I'll never cheer for him again. I'll root for the Phillies because I have been doing it my whole life. Every year they were in last place, 5th place, third place, it didn't matter to me. I cheer for them wherever they are in the standings and have been doing it long before Jimmy got here and will be long after he leaves. YOU ARE DEAD TO ME. DEAD.
So Jimmy Rollins decided to call the Philadelphia fans FRONTRUNNERS last night on the "Best Damn Sports Show Period."
Is he even kidding? Fuck you Jimmy. Fuck you. You are a douchebag and are officially dead to me. I can't even fathom that. The fans that showed you so much love last year? Those fans? Fuck off you fucking faggot. You haven't won jack shit since you been here. One division title? That's it. That ain't shit. I can't even think straight right now. I'll have more to say about this when my head clears.
I had no idea John Tesh wrote the NBA song for NBC, and just as surprising, I had no idea it was called "Roundball Rock." I really don't know what to say. I'm blown away by this.
I just have a few things that I would like to mention. First of all, am I the only one that thinks Michael Phelps is retarded? Take a look at this guy's smile and tell me that he is not mentally slower then most people.
Number two, despite what you might have read on this site, previously, Trevor Laws is NOT on the physcially unable to perform list for the season. You can be put on that in training camp and taken off it. He was on it for two days so they could add someone to the roster while he was hurt and was taken off it. So he is probably going to be the third tackle.
C, anyone who bought a Jets Favre jersey, should kill themselves. Also, anyone that likes the Jets should kill themselves.
And another thing, I am the greatest man that ever lived, I was born to give and give and give. Andre Iguodala was given about 20 million dollars too much. Mike Richter in the hall of fame? Really? Mike Richter? Stupid Flourtown. If he made it in, then Rod Brind'Amour should make it in as well.
Some crazy things out there these days. Right off the bat, did Andre Iguodala sign or didn't Andre Iguodala sign?
No one knows, but the deal seems to be almost done. Good to have him back, but $80 millions?
That's a lot of dough. In more Philadelphia news, Broderick Bunkley got robbed when the Birds were in Pittsburgh to take on the Steelers. Missing: guns. Lots and lots of guns. Good thing he wasn't home. That could have been ugly.
On a brighter note, Tom Gordon is done for the year, which I actually think is good news, although the Phils bullpen didn't fare too well last night.
Oh yeah, I flipped off the Phils for a few moments to catch the Michael Phelps races. Seriously, that cat is nasty. He's now 5-for-5, and the lead he got the Americans out to in the relay last night was unfair. I'm pretty sure he's not human.
And this video is cool.
Update: Thanks to MJD for these other fantasy football videos.
Getting ever more frustrated by the lack of run support his teammates keep providing, Cole Hamels has finally had enough and decided to address the team after last night's 4-3 loss to the Dodgers, where Hamels pitched brilliantly again (7 innings, 5 hits, 2 runs, 7 strikeouts), left with the lead, only to see his team fall yet again. Here's what Hamels had to say:
Hamels: guys … guYS … HEY, GUYS! All of you shut up! Just shut up!
What the hell is the matter with you guys? Do you hate more or something? Is it something I said? Maybe that time I failed to pick up the check last year? Seriously, what's the deal?
I know I can be a baby at times, but all I ever wanted was a chiropractor and some run support. Is that so much to ask? I mean, I'm a good teammate right? I never call you guys out for completely, utterly neglecting to score. I know that might be a regular occurrence for some of you guys (I'm looking at you Bruntlett), but King Cole is used to scoring, if you know what I'm talking about. Sex. With my wife. She was on "Survivor" you know.
Hamels: Shut the fuck up Kendrick! You're the motherfucker eating up all my runs! I mean, look at this kid. He's got more wins than me!
What's so special about this guy that you all decide to give him run support? Huh? I mean, look what I'm doing. I'm third in the NL in strikeouts. My ERA is 3.32. I'm even lefthanded.
But that doesn't matter to you little assholes does it? No. We'll score all the runs for Kyle, with is 4.74 ERA and complete lack of any real pitches, or that 95-year-old Jamie Moyer, who, oh by the way, has more fucking wins than me too! I hate you guys.
I really just don't get it. What's so hard about getting a few hits, scoring a few runs? Damn, I'm better at it than most of you—and I only hit once every five games!
Earth to Jimmy Rollins. Earth to Chris Coste. Earth to Pat Burrell. Earth to Jayson Werth. Earth to Pedro Feliz and Geoff Jenkins and Ryan Howard and So Taguchi and Eric Bruntlett and Carlos Ruiz: I have a higher fucking batting average than all of you! Me! Cole freaking Hamels! I'm a pitcher fucksticks! And did I mention I love "Zoolander"?
Hitting isn't that hard. I swear, it's not. Just get your heads out of your asses. I mean, twice this year, I've had to break up an opposing pitcher's no hitter! I'm sick of this shit.
If you guys don't wanna win when I pitch, just tell me. I'll stay here in Southern California, retire to my home area and bang that "Survivor" chick until my dick falls off.
So what do you say guys?
Jimmy Rollins (just arriving): Hey, what's up guys? Did I miss anything?
All right, enough is enough! It's almost lunch time, and I have all afternoon to bitch about work. There's been a shitload of happenings I haven't had a chance to address, so here goes.
Rich Hoffman of the Daily News basically says in this piece of garbage that you can't take anything out of the preseason. Rich Hoffman also would like everyone to know that internships, college and practice are pointless. Oh, wait, he might have a point.
While I basically did a lot more drinking and playing Madden in college than going to class, found more ways to get out of work than trying to do shit in my "internship" and never really enjoyed practice in any sport unless we scrimmaged, I did learn important things. And while the preseason may be boring as fuck and matter not one bit in regard to how the team will perform, it does offer valuable learning experiences for younger players and let's us all take an early assessment of things. Plus, it's fucking football. In August. That sure as shit beats watching the Padres take on the Pirates in game No. 8,000 of the baseball season.
On the Olympic front, I gotta say, handball is by far the gayest sport ever. Period. If you like watching it, there is something wrong with you. Michael Phelps is an android from the planet Fuck Mark Spitz, programmed to obliterate the swimming competition. Volleyball is exciting to watch. Beach volleyball has better things to look at.
The USA will win gold in basketball. We have Kobe. And Lebron. And they're friends! And this commercial is fucking awesome.
And I'm a little excited to see the people run really, really fast.
And in more Penn State news, former soccer goddess Aubrey Aden-Buie will be playing field hockey this season. For those of you not familiar with Ms. Aden-Buie, she spent the last four years as a starter on the Penn State women's soccer team and was granted a fifth year of eligibility, which she will take to play field hockey. And she looks like this.
Cute, but I've always been a Zoe Bouchelle/Ali Krieger/Tiff Weimer kind of guy myself. Call me old-fashioned.
In even more Penn State-related news, my uncle sent me this e-mail:
St. Louis Rams cornerback Justin King's rookie season is over before it started after he tore a ligament in his left big toe in Saturday night's preseason opener against Tennessee.
The injury will require season-ending surgery.
"He said it was just a fluke deal and said he got it trapped under a guy's foot or stepped funny and rolled over it," coach Scott Linehan said.
King will be placed on injured reserve. The fourth-round draft choice from Penn State had made a strong early impression in camp and was working as the team's third cornerback against Tennessee.
Thought to be more of a raw prospect than an instant contributor, King proved to be more ready for game action than originally thought. He was playing regularly in the team's nickel package against the Titans before coming out with about 2 minutes left in the first quarter.
"It's a weird kind of deal," Linehan said. "I feel bad for him because he worked really hard and was really going to push for a lot of playing time."
Looks like someone should have stuck around for his senior season. Or maybe he should have just made some real attempt at covering James Hardy. I'd probably have done that if I was him.
Well, I guess that's it for now. I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that I, just like Donovan McNabb, still wish the T.O. situation could have worked out longer in Philadelphia, and I'm keeping up hope the Phillies will get on a 2006 Cardinals roll come late September/October. Fuck work, son!
I would love to write something about sports here, but I'm absolutely fucking swamped at work and people are asking me to do more shit. I want to do this so bad right now:
I hope everyone in my office dies a horrible, slow, painful death. Today fucking blows. Oh yeah, and Kyle Kendrick needs to be shot any time he throws a pitch above someone's thigh.
I gotta tell ya, it was one hell of a glorious weekend for this guy.
Things started out with a sports fan's wet dream Friday night, what with the Phils and Eagles taking on those black and gold hicks from the retarded side of the state. Unfortunately for me, we do not yet have two televisions in the living room to accommodate my sports addiction, so I was forced to flip back and forth. Luckily, we'll have another TV mounted above the one we already have in time for the NFL regular season. Seeing as it was the Phillies' 115th game of the year, I opted to focus most of my attention on the Birds.
My verdict for the first preseason game of the year? An optimistic thumbs up despite the 16-10 loss. Donovan McNabb looked like the Pro Bowler he used to be, moving around effortlessly and picking apart the Pittsburgh defense, leading the Eagles to 10 points in his only two drives of the game, capped by a touchdown pass to Jason Davis.
Rookie DeSean Jackson looked very strong at receiver, showing off great instincts and excellent hands while hauling in 5 catches for 51 yards.
The defense looked pretty pathetic on the first drive, letting the Steelers march right down the field and score, but they did rebound for a stop on the second series. However, conspicuously absent were the young trio of linebackers, with Stewart Bradley, Omar Gaither and Chris Gocong doing absolutely nothing. Quintin Mikell, on the other hand, played an excellent game, blowing up a few Steelers and proving once again he is head and shoulders above Sean "I Can't Tackle" Considine. I won't lie, about midway through the second quarter, I headed back to the Phils for the night.
And that turned out to be a major mistake. For what seemed like the millionth time this season, the Phils' bats went silent against a bad team. Granted, Paul Maholm has been on a roll for the Buccos, but this alleged potent offense went limp, wasting a brilliant one-hit, seven-strikeout performance over seven innings by Joe Blanton.
The game went extras and Les Walrond proved once again that he is not, in fact, a Major League pitcher, surrendering 2 runs on three hits to bring his impressive ERA to a lofty 16.20. To add insult to injury, Brandon Moss made an impressive diving catch in the bottom of the 12th to rob Chase Utley of a potential game-tying double and end the game. That was annoying.
On Saturday, I made my 20th? (a guesstimate) trip to The House That Glanville Built this season, and for some reason got there around 4 p.m. for a 7:05 start.
Let's just say that after a 30-case of that, some grilled food and a couple games of washers, I was more than ready for the start of the game. Luckily for Brett Myers, none of my drunkeness produced any hatred whatsoever, certainly helped by his continuation of his recent success. Brett had no trouble handling the pathetic Pittsburgh offense, and his only problem came with Charlie Manuel taking him out before he could finish the 8th. You just know he wanted to punch Charlie.
J-Roll continued to answer his critics of late, going 4-for-4 with two triples to lead the Phils to a 4-2 win. It was pretty sweet, even though Chase put up another 0-for and Brad Lidge failed to come in for the save due to shoulder tightness. Note from Donovan McNabb: He didn't say tendinitis. He said tightness.
After the game, I celebrated by getting even more drunk, which turned out to not be the best life decision I've ever made, but I'm getting older by the day, so I'll take any reason to drink I can get.
And I have to tell you, I was never more happy for a rain delay than yesterday. 1:35 was just too early of a start for my hung-over ass, so I took a solid nap and awoke about a half hour before the rain relented. The game was a pretty shitty watch most of the way, but man was it great to see Chase launch that two-run bomb in the seventh to not only put the Phils ahead for good, but to break out of another one of his mini-slumps. Let's hope he has no more of those.
All in all, it was a pretty sweet weekend. Shawn Andrews finally reported to camp. The Phils are two games up in the division. And it actually wasn't incredibly hot in Philadelphia. Now we get a little West Coast trip, so get ready to stay up late this week kids.
Oh yeah, Vince is a whiny little bitch. Happy Monday!
Maybe somebody on here can help me out with something. I was flipping to the opening ceremonies of the Olympics during commercials of the Eagles game and I noticed something peculiar. Puerto Rico has a national team. Now, I have noticed this before and have never understood it. Puerto Rico is owned by the U.S. I believe that they can vote and everything. No passport is needed to travel there. Why are they here? They are pretty much the 51st state. I don't get it. They are not their own country. There were also other examples of this where little nothing islands that are part of a larger country sent competitors. Why? If someone would please explain this to me I would greatly appreciate it.
Also, why the hell is Iraq allowed in. They were banned and now they are not? Bullshit.
P.S.- The U.S. Olympic team looked awfully gay in their sportcoats and old man hats. Just throwing that out there.
I know what you're thinking. "Can he start?" Well, no. "Can he hit?" Not exactly. "Oh, so the Phils bolstered what has been the strongest aspect of their team instead of addressing a real need." Yeah, that pretty much sums things up.
Sure Eyre is a lefthanded reliever, which is a hot commodity in baseball. However, unlike some people, I'm not so pumped about the move. Eyre's ERA this season: an Eaton-esque 7.15. Granted, he only pitched in 11 games and has had some success in the past. Let's hope he can turn around his season in Philly.
You see, Brett Favre, at one time, was a really, really good, hell, great quarterback for the Green Bay Packers. He won three MVPs, went to two Super Bowls and brought home a ring to Wisconsin. He made the Packers relevant again and was, without question, the best quarterback in the league. And since he did all that earlier in his career, he's gotten a free pass from the media and fans in Green Bay for every playoff game since then where he singlehandedly cost the Packers games with interceptions a retarded, blind, fifth-grade amputee wouldn't throw.
Lest you forget, 4th and 26 could have been all for naught had it not been for Brett's perfect pass to Brian Dawkins.
Now, Brett takes his retired, unretired, flat-out tired act to New York, a place where the fans and media are notoriously harsh. If A-Rod can't be loved in New York for his playoff failures, just wait until they get their hands on Favre. Golden Arm Brett will get booed like he's never been booed before when his first pick (and there will be plenty) costs the J-E-T-S a game. I cannot wait for this. And judging the way Brett has been acting, we should all get familiar with these sites:
Brett Favre, sucking since 1999. Now he'll be sucking in New York. Good luck with all that.
It's weird how 8, count them, 8 players from Georgia were arrested in the past offseason and there is only a 20-second blurb about it on ESPN. It's very frustrating that they would single out Penn State instead of say a school that is ranked NUMBER 1 in the country or a school where half the team was suspended for cheating, Florida St., for an "Outside the Lines" episode.
Joe Paterno never hurt anybody. The guy has done nothing except build an entire university, pretty much by himself. Would anyone go to Penn State University if he didn't build one of the best college football programs in the country there? No, obviously not. The place is surrounded by nothing but farm land and mountains. There is nothing there. He, with the help of his assistant coaches, made Penn State the amazing place that it is.
Also, if 31 of your career wins come while coaching at Samford, then you probably are not actually the winningest coach in college football history. You and your program are idiots, Bobby Bowden.
Also, Mo Evans is going to most likely become the greatest defensive end ever created this year. (Ed Note: Maurice Evans was created August 14, 1988)
Also, what if D Will actually became the best recruit ever that he was supposed to be this year?
Also, Jamie Moyer starts are some of the worst events to be at in baseball history. It takes the guy three hours just to get through 5 innings most of the time. I am putting a personal ban on attending Jamie Moyer starts from now on.
Also, I want to give a shot out to the lack of traffic on the way down to the Phillies game last night. I went 70 mph down the 76 last night almost all the way to the Vine Street Expressway. It was glorious.
That's what Deadspin Editor and Philadelphian A.J. Daulerio seems to be hinting at here, and I gotta tell you, I don't disagree with the guy.
A.J. does a brilliant job laying out the questionable nature of Andrews, and his arguments are eloquent, thorough and well though out. A.J. doesn't say Andrews is necessarily lying, and neither am I, but I agree with him 100 percent that there more than a few reasons to be skeptical about the whole thing. Read it. The man makes some great point.
Sick video of Kevin Durant dropping 62 points in the Goodman League over at Dime.
Also, depressing news for me via SLAM: Earl Boykins will be playing in Italy next year.
As a vertically challenged male myself, I'm sad to see Earl go. He gave hope to short people everywhere. However, I am happy for him that he'll be the highest paid player in Italy. We'll miss you Earl.
That's right, Roger Goodell and the NFL actually is implementing a code of fan conduct that basically prohibits every, single, solitary action that NFL fans partake in at every, single, fucking NFL game. Particularly damning to Eagles fans is a rule that forbids fans from verbally or physically abusing opposing fans. Apparently Fuhrer Roger has never actually been in an NFL stadium.
Looks like there will be no one in the seats at any game in any city this year.
KSK and You Been Blinded each have some pretty hilarious takes on the subject. I hope something very horrible, very hypocritical happens to Roger Goodell and his family. He sucks.
I had the unfortunate displeasure of heading to the real, live House That Glanville Built last night to see Jamie Moyer trot his 45-year-old left arm to the mound against a team he was a perfect 10-0 against in his career. Jamie Moyer can be seen here, although for some reason he's wearing a Red Sox uniform (he probably just wanted to wear the jersey of a champion once):
Sadly, Moyer could not remain perfect against the Fish. In fact, he was far from it, struggling with his control and halting the game to a pace only the Slowskys could love.
Personally, I prefer the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They were all about kicking ass, eating pizza and doing it at an anti-turtle pace, despite actually being turtles.
But I digress. For one reason or another, Arkansas Fred and I weren't the least bit surprised. In fact, when we decided Monday we were going to last night's game, we both said Moyer would probably lose—he was due for a bad performance after all. And Old Man Moyer did just that, unable to get past the fifth inning.
However, last night's loss was hardly the fault of Moyer's. No, that blame should be squarely put on the shoulders of the Phils' bats. Save for Shane Victorino's "home run" in the seventh, the Phillies were shut out by a team with a 4.52 ERA, good for 22nd in all of baseball. They left 22 freaking runners on base. It was another maddening night watching perhaps the most inconsistent offense in baseball. Sure, the numbers look good, but one game they score 10, 11 or 20 runs. The next they score two. It's enough to make you pull your hair out.
A couple things that bugged me, besides the overall sucktitude of the team: Bringing in Les Walrond in the sixth inning. It was a nice visit to the Majors Les; now get ready to pack. He's got to be headed back down almost immediately. He was horrible. My problem, however, wasn't so much with Walrond. He's a 31-year-old career minor leaguer. Everyone knows he's garbage. My problem lies with the only person on field level that was actually older than Moyer—Charlie Manuel. At that point in the game, the Phils were down just two. J.A. Happ had pitched well in the few chances he had this year, and that was the perfect time to bring him in. He's been a starter, so he could give you a few innings if need be, and hopefully keep the Phils close.
But no. Charlie goes with the 31-year-old career minor leaguer, who promptly surrenders two runs to make the uphill climb that much steeper. Now, Happ did enter later and looked pretty awful himself, giving up four runs in just two innings, but still. I trust Happ over Walrond every day of the week.
Another thing that bugged me, and not just last night but all season, is this whole Greg Dobbs situation. I mean, shit, Dobbs is without question the best pinch hitter in baseball this year. What he's doing is incredible. But honestly, why in the world can't the guy hit when he actually has to take the field? It's the most mind-boggling thing in the world to me, excluding women, why people like Mitch Williams and why eating Oreos and potato chips at the same time tastes so fucking good (if you don't believe me, fucking try it. It's awesome). I know Dobbs didn't start last night, but he did have to take the field after pinch hitting, and he came up again. The results? 0-for-2. It's crazy.
To make last night's shitting of the bed even worse, the Mets won as well, meaning the Phils' lead in the NL East is down a measly 1.5 gms over Florida and 2 gms over the Mets. The more I watch this division, the more I'm convinced no one wants to win it.
Shawn Kemp's been here for years. Well, no, actually he's been out of the league for five years, but Reign Man confirmed he is coming back to play in Italy in an interview with SLAM where he discussed a wide range of topics including dunking, parenting and drug abuse. Go check it out.
Walkoff Walk takes a close look at Kruk's relationship to notorious bank robber Roy Plummer chronicled by Gary Harki of The Charleston Gazette. It's some pretty wild stuff.
Apparently Kruker grew up with Plummer and the two were best friends. Then, when Kruk was playing for the San Diego Padres, Plummer moved in with Kruk. He was selling drugs and robbing banks without Kruk's knowledge, and then eventually wanted to kill our beloved former first baseman.
Thank sweet Jesus Plummer never succeeded killing Kruker, for we Philadelphians may have never known the joys of the overweight, mullet-donning, beer-swigging, ripped-pants wearing, .300-hitting Kruker. Not to mention "The Best Damn Sports Show Period" would have had no redeeming qualities whatsoever in its history if it weren't for Kruk, and what would "Baseball Tonight" do without Kruk partaking in spots such as this:
Too bad Plummer didn't get to Mitch Williams. That would have saved us all a lot of heartache.
Now I know depression is a serious matter. I've never been diagnosed with depression. I don't know of anyone personally who has. But I can sure as shit tell you that everyone battles depression at some point or another. Brian Dawkins admitted he struggled with depression his first two years in the league.
I don't really want to make light of the situation, but I do have to admit that it kind of pisses me off to hear this. I just don't get it. How can athletes, specifically top-notch athletes that make millions upon millions of dollars to play a child's game, get depressed? Sure, some of them come from tough upbringings and everyone suffers personal loss, but these men are at the top of food chain. Shouldn't they be happy?
I guess it's not that simple. In fact, I'm sure it's not. Today, we learned even more about Andrews. Bob Brookover detailed some of the things that have happened to Andrews since coming to Philadelphia. He lost a close friend before last season. His brother has done two tours of duty in Afghanistan. He's had a gun pulled on him. He had a son.
That's a lot to deal with for sure, but Shawn's not alone. I've lost people close to me. I know plenty of people who've served our country. Shit, I've even had a gunned pulled on me and gone to jail. These are tough things many, no, most people deal with. Life's hard. But sometimes, no matter if you are depressed or not, you have to just carry on. The football field should be a place Shawn can forget about all his troubles for a while. Admittedly, he's been having a hard time and that's why he's not in camp. Maybe getting there will help.
It sucks that Andrews has never really had a grasp of who he was. Hopefully he can see that he has a job that most people would kill to have, and, oh yeah, he's pretty fucking good at it. Hopefully he can see that, yes, life can be hard sometimes, but he's not alone.
Like I said, I don't know much about the clinically diagnosed version of depression, but I've been down pretty low in my life. It was awful. I guess you can say I was depressed. Only I didn't have millions of dollars to help me get myself back up, and I'm sure I'll never be as good at anything at Andrews is at football. I'm not sure what to make of the whole situation, but I can't fathom that staying away from his profession, from his teammates, will help him.
I'm probably wrong, but I think the culture athletes are surrounded in really doesn't help. Their entire lives, they're built up by people around them, told they're the greatest, and given nothing but success. Then when things go wrong, whether it be in life or on the field, they don't know how to deal with it. Maybe that's what Shawn's going through. Maybe it's more. Hopefully, he can get straightened out, because this whole situation is depressing.
I really don't have to add anything else to this since it pretty much sums up the place, but since I am bored, what the hell.
I spent this past weekend in "the Burgh" as those goofy accented midwesterners put it. Let's just say that I am not in love with that place. It is about the fattest city I've ever seen (Ed Note: I find it hard to believe Pittsburgh people are fatter than Philadelphia, but they certainly do suck more). I felt, being of average stature, out of place. 3-4 neck rolls was the norm. Men with breasts the size of Dolly Parton. Women with legs as wide as my waist. Amazing. It was truly amazing.
You may ask "How did it smell?" The answer of course is that it was putrid. I don't know if they don't shower on the gay side of the state or what, but just about everybody in that town smelled like used gym socks and/or jockstraps. I did manage to spit on Jeannette, the home town of Terrelle Pryor. What a fag. Let's see what happens when Sean Lee comes back next year and absolutely crushes him.
Oh yeah, I got stuck in their loud dirty airport for 3 hours. Thanks Pittsburgh.
Well, at least they did this weekend. It all started on Saturday when Pat Gillick's HUGE trade acquisition Joe Blanton was pretty awesome, scattering four hits and one run over seven innings for his first win as a Phillie. It was a delicious performance.
To make fat men around the country rejoice even more, recent minor league sensation Brett Myers was very solid last night, on national television no less!, against Poopholes and his mates, surrendering just four hits and two runs through six. Myers didn't get the win, but he also didn't get a loss. That's two games in a row now with no loss for Brett. He must be back.
The real question, what did the Phils do to get these two portly pitchers back on track? Here's some proposed incentives that may have been laid out for Myers and Blanton:
1. A spot in the Double Stuff Racing League, taking on the likes of Peyton and Eli Manning in a quarterback vs. pitcher team dual.
After reading a piss poor list on espn.com about the greatest clutch performers in college football history, I decided to make a list of the greatest clutch performers in college football history.
1: MICHAEL ROBINSON-#12, PENN STATE MROB is the greatest clutch performer in the maybe the history of the world, excluding Michael Jordan and possibly Tiger Woods. That is a proven fact. If my team is down by 6 points with 1 second left and 99 yards to go, I want the ball in the hands of MROB. He would most likely fire a 99 yard bullet to a streaking receiver in stride or decide to run through 11 defenders and knock them out for the rest of the season. It's what THE MAN does. He makes things happen. God bless him.
That is the entire list. It can't really even be questioned because it's fact.
I have decided that from now on I am going to start fights with guys twice my size with large egos because I am a jackass. Oh wait, I'm not a jackass.
These idiot kids from Penn State have to be some of the stupidest people I've ever seen. Did they not think that they were going to get their asses kicked once they messed with a football player's girl and punched him in the face? If someone did that to me I'd call people I know and hunt them down as well. What a disgrace.
It's not just bad enough that these kids go to PSU, no no, they had Phillies posters on the walls of their apartments. I hate these kids and "Outside the Lines" for dragging out an event that happened a year ago. I hate the kid's dad for being such an idiot to say that the football players should be kicked out, but with no consequences for his jackass son.
What the hell is wrong with this world? How does this get more coverage than half of Iowa's football team being rapists? Where are you on that one "Outside the Lines?" Where???
For no other reasons than it is Friday, Ron Artest was traded and this video is hilarious, check out Ron-Ron's rap skills and dance the afternoon away. (via Tirico Suave)
Like the rest of the universe, I was expecting some big happenings on deadline day yesterday. Turns out, it was one of the most uneventful deadline days in history, save for Griffey moving and the last-minute Manny-Bay-LA blockbuster.
Conspicuously absent from the dealings was the three big players in the National League East. Sure, the Marlins acquired Arthur Rhodes, but that's hardly the earth-shattering move that will put them over the top.
Turns out the biggest transaction in Philadelphia was the Sixers' signing of Louis Williams (which I am pumped about actually). That's wasn't exactly what Phillies fans had in mind. The good news is the Mets and Marlins basically didn't do squat either. This will be a three-team limp to the finish.
And while "Stand" Pat Gillick sat on his hands yesterday, at least the team showed up, actually completing the sweep of the Washington Generals Washington Nationals. Certainly, looking at the record and anemic squad the Nationals sent out makes this sweep seem rather unimpressive. But as a Phillies fan, I know better than that. First of all, the sweep allowed the Phils to reclaim first place (1 gm ahead of New York and 1.5 ahead of Florida), and just as importantly, it showed that the Phils can actually beat teams they're supposed to.
This is something new. Especially against the artists formerly known as the Expos. Over the years, the Nationals have been a thorn in Philadelphia's side. Every season, the Phils are mired in a race to make the playoffs, and every year, the Nationals make it difficult—no matter how far out they are. Hell, before his loss on Wednesday, Tim Redding hadn't surrendered a run to the Phils this year. And last year, last night's starting pitcher, John Lannan, broke Chase Utley's hand with a pitch. Washington is just that kind of team.
But last night, the Phils closed the door on those pesky Nationals, and it felt good. The game was also wildly entertaining. Jayson Werth's early home run to get the lead, Washington scratching out two runs to claw back in it, and then the improbable strikeout/E-2 that allowed Kendrick to reach base, even though he started walking to the dugout, followed by Jimmy's shot. And that was just the beginning. A few hit batters by the Phils, and enter Jesus Colome, the big righty reliever who throws 97 mph. Unhappy with the beating and the beaming, Colome absolutely nailed Utley. It sucks to see Chase get hit, but it was pretty sweet seeing the reaction, with Utley staring Colome down for a second and cursing with his head down on his way to first. I was just praying for a fight. Expect fireworks between these teams in the future.
Unfortunately for me, a fight didn't happen, but the Phils do head to St. Louis with a five-game winning streak and first place. Too bad they couldn't add any pieces yesterday.
Now, onto more pressing matters: I've been discussing this with one my roommates for weeks now. I'm absolutely appalled and infuriated by the Phillies postgame show. The fact that Mitch Williams is allowed to be on Comcast completely blows my mind. I mean, this is THE GUY WHO COST US THE WORLD SERIES! I'm not sure if you all remember this or not, but, you know, Mitch motherfucking Williams blew TWO count them TWO fucking saves in the 1993 World Series—a series Toronto won in 6 games. Do the math. Had he just done his job—the one he was paid to fucking do—and the Phils win in 6. Blame Jim Fregosi all you'd like, but he was just giving the ball to his closer like you're supposed to.
Anything Mitch Williams does should be ridiculed and he should treated with nothing but scorn. He ruined our lives, after all. Yet here we are, subjected to seeing his face after every fucking game. And shit, people even like things he does, like that awful "Yo" commercial. Hell, my fucking roommate even said he thinks he does a good job on the postgame show. Really? How can you take anything he says seriously, especially about how Brett can fix his control problems! Mitch fucking Williams was nicknamed Wild Thing because he couldn't fucking throw strikes. Fuck! I hate that man. And I hate anyone who says a kind word about him. Every time I see that asshole's face on the TV, I want to hit things, specifically Mitch Williams. People who like him should kill themselves. Seriously.
