Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Long Overdue New Beginnings

Welcome earthlings. You've just entered a new and horrible place where hatred will be spewed, sports will be discussed and, most importantly, I will get the opportunity to share with the world what it's like to be an avid sports nut when you're a short, angry Philadelphian who may or may not have been incarcerated at one time or another. That's for you to decide.

Anyway, this is the site's first post, and there may not be a ton in the coming weeks. But rest assured, this thing will get kicking once the design is set and a few of my other obligations subside. Anyway, enough about me. Time for the topics. First, an honor to the Vet, a horrid place that I miss every day of my life.

This is the Rev. Paul Revere at your service. I want to start things off by saying, per the tagline, I fucking hate Pittsburgh. Things didn't used to be this way—I swear. The Steelers fans and their identically colored other teams weren't on my shit list. That was reserved for the likes of those pussy-ass Cowboys and jerkoff Giants fans (also Mets, Redskins, Rangers). Then I went to college, and shit hit the fan. Turns out, when you go to school in the middle of Pennsylvania, you run into these lugheads that believe Pittsburgh is a real city.

In reality, Pittsburgh is a horrible place full of horrible people. They suck as fans, and they, generally, are borderline retarded. There is no disputing this. Hell, 10 years ago, the freaking Penguins almost went bankrupt and moved the team. You think that shit would ever happen in Philly? Fuck and no! For fuck's sake, the Flyers were the worst team in the league last year (2006-07 for clarification) and still sold out almost every game. Not the Penguins. They almost lost the team. Then, suddenly, when they get Crosby and Malkin and actually become good, the fans come out of the woodworks. Stupid hillbillies.

So this first post is designated to extend my middle finger to you Pittsburgh. You may have topped the Flyers in the playoffs, but hey, how are those Pirates doing? You are all a disgrace, and I'm ashamed to be forced into sharing a state with you. Face the facts Pittsburgh, you are Midwesterners trapped in an eastern state. You don't even have a basketball team for Christ's sake. Enjoy this:

Go drown yourselves in the three rivers while we're busy shooting each other out here in a real city. *Cough* Marvin Harrison/Aaron McKie *Cough*

*Disclaimer—I do know of one Pittsburgher that is actually a tolerable human being. He is the exception that proves the rule.

1 comment:

  1. Yinz can hate on Pittsburgh all yinz want but all I know is I got a ring and a few scars that get me all the homely-girl tail a man could ever want. Plus, I'm one of the many less-talented QBs who will go down in NFL history as better than D-Mac. What a life!