It's Friday, Time to Dance

In honor of the Phillies locking up Shane Victorino and Joe Blanton for three more years, I think we should all do a quick little jig to this background beat of a totally awesome Starter hat commercial:



Yeah, that's right, D.J. Jazzy Jeff, Lenny Dykstra and Rodney Dangerfield all under one roof.

In Case You Were Wondering, Yes, the Pirates are Still an MLB Team and Links

To outsiders, Pennsylvania may seem like one northern hickish state with two major metropolitan areas — a state united by its stupidity and obeseness.



In reality, Pennsylvania is made up of two entirely different places that might as well be in different nations, let alone states. There is the Philadelphia area, and the rest of the state that sucks incredibly hard. There is no disputing this. I know. I'm a born and bred Philadelphia area young fellow who spent his college years in the middle of Pennsylvania surrounded by mongoloids from the west. They don't like us. We don't like them. That's science. There is no overcoming this.

I feel a greater connection to the shithole that is New Jersey than my western brethren in my own state. That should tell you something. I prefer New Jerseyans to western Pennsylvanians. They and their six Super Bowl rings and their three Stanley Cup championships can go get fucked. Damn right I'm jealous, but just of the rings, not of anything else. You're practically West Virginia.

Of course, I bring this all up because tonight the sorry excuse for a franchise from the west comes to our great (crime-riddled, racist?) city, where you're God Damn right our very nation was founded! I thoroughly look forward to the impending sweep to wrap up an outstanding homestand before the All-Star festivities embark on Monday. Pittsburgh sucks.

Let's link …

-When is an appropriate time to break out the "C" word? When some lady goes to a Phillies game and instead of watching the action, reads a fucking Vanity Fair.



Full disclosure, I watched the Curb Your Enthusiasm last night where Larry David calls the gay guy from HBO a cunt during a poker game. That episode is fantastic.



-Apparently, Antero Niittymaki is signing with the Lightning.

-Penn State lands another quarterback recruit:



-Former Eagles receiver Donte Stallworth got drunk and high, got behind the wheel and killed a guy. Now he's been released from prison after serving 24 days. For DUI manslaughter. Seriously, 24 days. America and the courts make absolutely no sense at all, via Deadspin.

-Antone has a little fun with the whole LeBron getting dunked on Nike-gate business:



-As if you didn't already miss Harry enough having to listen to the insufferable Tom McCarthy every night, Iracane, who is headed to Philadelphia for the weekend, posted this:



I miss Whitey and Harry so freakin much.

-How Lenny Dykstra invested his money.

-Daniel Murphy: He's the best … and the worst:





-Adam Gretz profiles two former Flyers who are free agents, then shows his stupidity by calling Marty Biron "the weak link in Philadelphia the past two seasons." Clearly he didn't actually watch the Flyers whatsoever, because if he did, he'd know the defense was the weak link in Philadelphia the past two seasons. Perhaps you should have said scapegoat instead of weak link, especially seeing how Biron played out of his freakin mind in the 2008 playoffs. Sometimes I wonder if these guys even watch sports.

Yeah, that's pretty much it for me today. I'm tired. My back hurts. And it's entirely too nice to be inside an office with horrifying neon lights. Stay in college, kids, as long as humanly possible. Even if you're stuck with people from Pittsburgh.

The Reverend Rankings — My 5 Favorite/Least Favorite Players: Phillies

Let's face the facts, yesterday's playoff games were some of the suckiest games that ever sucked. The Lakers steamrolled the Rockets and Orlando toyed with Boston in two of the most boring game sevens ever played. Then the Red Wings came out and put a third-period beatdown on the young Blackhawks, making for an all-around hideous playoff day.

If it wasn't for Raul hitting bombs this weekend, there wouldn't have been any sports worth watching.



Yes, sweeping the Nationals is nice, and Raul is a beast, but really, the weekend was unremarkable. (And Chan Ho Park still, despite a little two-start mirage, looks like Adam Eaton.) So now seems like a perfect time to begin a little series I've been cooking up in my head the past few weeks. In the coming weeks/months, with basketball and hockey going the way of football and nothing happening except the dog days of summer, I'll be publishing my own personal lists of my five favorite and five least favorite players of the four major Philadelphia sports franchises.

There will, of course, be personal caveats that I may or may not explain, and again, these are my favorite and least favorite players, not the best and worst players. And there's a chance that these lists may have extended editions or later editions to add more to them, but for now, we'll try to keep it to five.

Since it's baseball season, we'll get things started with the Phillies, today chronicling my five favorite Phillies of my lifetime. The five least favorites I'll save for another time.

Favorites:

1. Lenny Dykstra.



I'm a child of the 80s, and as such, I grew up watching a putrid baseball team with a bunch of putrid players, with the exception of that glorious, glorious 1993 season. Well, the best position player on that squad was without question the Dude. Chemically enhanced or not, Lenny Dykstra put forth one of the greatest statistical seasons for any leadoff hitter ever, batting .305 with a .420 obp, .482 slugging, .902 ops, 194 hits, 143 runs, 44 doubles, 6 triples, 19 home runs, 66 RBIs, 37 steals and 129 walks in 1993. He played in 161 games, notched 773 plate appearances, and tortured pitchers by seeing about a million pitches per at-bat.

He also finished second in the MVP vote, losing to Barry Bonds. And in the postseason, he tormented the Braves after Bobby Cox unjustly snubbed Dykstra from the All-Star game. Fuck Bobby Cox.

I loved Lenny Dykstra because he was a great outfielder, incredible base-runner and was the prototypical leadoff hitter. He made sure his teammates behind him saw pitches, fouling off strikes and taking balls so everyone could see what the pitcher was throwing from the first at-bat. And the guy always hustled. Always. Say what you want about Lenny the man, or businessman, but Lenny the player was a joy to watch.

2. Curt Schilling



Historically, the Phillies have had shit for pitching, especially during my childhood. The one lone exception, prior to Cole Hamels, was Curt Schilling.

With Schilling, there was no middle ground, you either loved him or hated him. People hated him because he was outspoken and during the World Series he put a towel over his head in the dugout as Mitch Williams was fucking up his world. I loved Curt Schilling because he was outspoken and wore a towel over his head in the dugout as Mitch Williams was fucking up his world. I mean, who didn't want to cover their eyes when Mitch came in? Everyone did, because Mitch Williams was the worst pitcher in the history of Major League Baseball, Adam Eaton included. Fuck you, Mitch.

Oh, and I loved Curt Schilling because he was insanely good on a team that lacked insanely good players. Schilling was a workhorse, routinely pitching over 200 innings, finishing games, and struck out way, way more batters than he walked. Every time he pitched, it felt like the Phils would win. Every time he didn't, it was almost inevitable that they'd lose.

Schilling struck out 300 batters twice as a Phillie, pitched 61 complete games in 8 and half seasons (61!), including 10 in 1992 and a ridiculous 15 in 1998, and won at least 14 games in five of his eight full years in Philadelphia, despite the fact the Phillies sucked every single one of those years with the exception of 1993.

And in the '93 season, Schilling really shined in the playoffs, winning the NLCS MVP and giving it his all in the World Series. Curt Schilling was the shit, while the rest of the pitchers in the 90s were just shitty.

3. Shane Victorino



When the Phillies didn't resign Aaron Rowand, most of Philadelphia was up in arms. How could the Phils let go such a hard-working guy who played Gold Glove caliber defense, was the cry. Simple, they had a much, much better centerfielder playing in right. Aaron Rowand, for all his grit, hustle and determination, is nowhere near as good as Shane Victorino in the outfield. Is Rowand an very good centerfielder? Absolutely. Is he Gold Glove caliber? Not even close. Just because you run face-first into a fence doesn't mean you're as good as Torii Hunter.

Rowand is just too slow to be put in the same breath as guys like Hunter, and yes, your reigning World Fucking Champion Gold Glove centerfielder, Shane Victorino.

I love Shane Victorino. Everything about him. He's an incredible fielder, has a rocket for an arm, can fly around the base paths, has some pop and genuinely enjoys playing baseball. And hell, the guy ended a game with a walkoff throw in Atlanta. Brad Lidge wouldn't have been perfect without it.

As if I didn't already love Shane enough before last year, he went out and raised his game to even greater heights in the postseason. Who can forget this:



Not to mention his sick catch and that bomb to tie the game against the Dodgers. Is Shane Victorino the man? No questions asked.

4. Mickey Morandini



Mickey Morandini is never going to be confused for Chase Utley. Not even close. But Morandini was one of the more reliable fielding second basemen of his day, and during his time in Philadelphia, he turned himself into a pretty good hitter. As a youngster, he was my second favorite player on the team behind Dykstra. Maybe it was simply due to the fact that Harry Kalas did such a majestic job announcing his name.

Plus, Morandini provided two of my most fond memories watching Phillies games. One, his grand slam off Dave Righetti in 1993, and of course, the rarest of rare in baseball, his unassisted triple play.

And to put the icing on the cake, Morandini was traded to the Chicago Cubs for none other than patron saint Doug Glanville in December of 1997. So not only is Morandini a favorite of mine for his playing days in Philadelphia, but without him, there would be no House that Glanville Built.

5. J.C. Romero



Historically, last year not included, the Phillies have had some of the worst bullpen pitchers of all time. J.C. Romero is not one of them. No, Romero has been brilliant as a Phillie. Sure, he had that whole steroid screw-job thing, but he'll be back in the bullpen in no time. Frankly, I can't wait.

Romero is a perfect pitcher for Philadelphia. He wears his emotions on his sleeve, and you know with every pitch that Romero cares just as much as the fan sitting in the top row of the 400 section. That's something plenty of athletes fail to portray. When they do, we love it.

Plus, the guy won two games in the World Series. No other Phillies pitcher did that last year. He's been nothing short of dominant since coming to Philadelphia, and I'm excited to see him dominate again in a couple weeks.



There you have it, my favorite Phillies of my lifetime. Of course, I love guys like Chase Utley and Ryan Howard, John Kruk and Darren Daulton, but as you'll take notice, my favorite players, for the most part, tend to be players other than the majority fan favorites. I still love those guys like everyone else, but I tend to have an affinity for some of the other guys as well.

Oh, and Raul is quickly entering the discussion. The fact I drafted him for my fantasy team certainly helps that out a bit, but even if I hadn't, his play has given all Phillies fans more than enough reason to put him near the top of their favorite lists.

And fuck Mitch Williams. Right in the ear. OK, I better stop. I'll get to him later.

The Balls on the Dude

I have to tell you, it's great having a Philadelphia boy running the largest sports blog in the world, because he always seems to be interested in entertaining the Philadelphia faithful when he can.



The Balls stumbled across another Lenny Dykstra interview, this time after a court hearing.

Yesterday, Dykstra appeared in a Manhattan courtroom to fight over $139,000 owed to him by a Manhattan accounting firm. Luckily, some one stuck a tape recorder in his face after it ended:

• [They] folded like Mitch Williams in the ninth," Dykstra said about the firm that sued him as he made reference to a former Phillie teammate who served the winning homer to the Blue Jays' Joe Carter in the '93 World Series. "There was no case. There was nothing."

Making fun of Mitch Williams, just another reason I love Lenny.

The Dude Abides

I don't know what possessed me to YouTube Lenny Dykstra today (perhaps because he is my favorite Phillie ever?), but I came across something quite interesting:



That's the Dude singing along with the band Joe Popp—who just so happen to hail from Tampa—for a Fox commercial in 1996. Kind of ironic, don't you think?

LET'S GO PHILS!!!!

If You Don't Like Lenny You Can Just Get the Hell Out

Excellent, excellent find once again over at You Been Blinded. Apparently some fellas put together a "movie" about Lenny Dykstra. Check it out.



Say what you want about Dykstra, but it will be difficult for anyone to supplant him as my favorite Phillie of all time.