Cole Hamels Fucking Sucks

I have no idea what happened to Cole Hamels this offseason, but I'd sure as hell like to find out. Because this season's Cole Hamels is so god damn far from last season's version that it's not even funny. Coming off an October in 2008 that saw him go 4-0 with a 1.80 ERA in 5 starts en route to winning both the NLCS and World Series MVP as the ace of the World Fucking Champions, Cole has now started four games this postseason, each one shittier than the last.



First, gave up 4 earned runs and 7 hits in just five innings against the Rockies in game 2 of the NLDS to pick up the only loss in the series for the Phils. Then in game 1 of the NLCS, he somehow got the win despite giving up 4 runs on eight hits including two home runs in just five and a third. Then in game 5, which the Phils miraculously came back to win and close out the Dodgers, Hamels lasted just four and a third, giving up three runs on three solo home runs and five total hits. Finally, last night, in the World Series, Cole again went just four and a third, giving up five runs on five hits while walking two and surrendering a long ball. He was just awful. Painfully awful. Cole Hamels completely and utterly sucks, and he's the main reason the Phils now find themselves down 2-1 to the Yankees.

The toughminded, stone cold ace from last October is long gone. Now, Cole is a fragile, weakminded pussy of a pitcher. There's really no other way to put it. After getting squeezed on a 3-2 pitch to Mark Teixeira in the fourth, Hamels did what he's done all season -- lost his focus. Instead of pounding Alex Rodriguez inside, which the Phils had done in the first two games to the tune of forcing A-Rod to go 0-for-8 with 6 strikeouts, Hamels threw a fastball out over the plate and Rodriguez sent it off a camera above the right field wall to make the score 3-2. Then the wheels came off. In the 5th, Cole hung a curveball to the struggling Nick Swisher on the inner half of the plate. Swisher was flailing at every pitch away, but Cole yanked a curve inside, and Swisher ripped it down the line for a leadoff double. Then, after getting Melky Cabrera on strikes, he decided to throw a first-pitch curveball to Andy Pettitte, a pitcher. A pitcher that showed absolutely no chance at catching up to a fastball. So Cole decides to throw an off-speed pitch to speed up his bat, and wouldn't you know it, Pettitte smacked an RBI single to tie the game. Now, I don't know if that was Cole's decision or Carlos Ruiz's but throwing anything other than a fastball is just inexcusable and stupid. And it was costly. Cole, clearly flustered and letting it get to him as always, then gave up another single to Jeter followed by a double to plate Pettitte and Jeter by Johnny Damon, another struggling Yankee. Pathetic.

The worst thing about Jamie Moyer tearing his groin is that it wasn't Cole Hamels instead. Because if it was Cole, he wouldn't be able to kill the Phillies by completely shitting the bed on the mound. Right now, I'd rather have just about any other starting pitcher in the world out there than Cole. I don't know how it's possible to go from one of the greatest postseason performances of all time to quite possibly the worst, but that's exactly what Hamels has done. I hope he gets hit by a fucking bus before he gets sent back out there again. What an asshole.

Not that the Phils were short on assholes last night. Besides Jayson Werth, who looked like the only Phillie to give a shit last night, just about everyone was pathetic for the Phils.



Werth did his best, clobbering two solo home runs, but he didn't get enough help from his teammates. To me, the biggest killer of an at-bat came in the one inning the Phils actually got something going, the 2nd. After Werth put the Phils ahead 1-0 with his solo shot, Raul Ibanez struck out. But then Pedro Feliz doubled, Carlos Ruiz walked and Cole Hamels dropped a perfectly placed bunt to load the bases. Then Pettitte walked Jimmy Rollins to force in a run and make it 2-0 Phils. Up came Shane Victorino, who put forth the single worst approach I've ever seen.

Andy Pettitte had just walked Jimmy Rollins with the bases loaded to force in a run. Two batters before that, he had walked Carlos Ruiz. So what does Shane do? He goes up there and swings at the first pitch. Not only that, it was nowhere near the strike zone. Then, he swings at the second pitch, another one that was not even close to being a strike, and suddenly he's down 0-2. The guy just fucking walked two batters, one with the bases loaded to force in a run. And Shane goes up there hacking. In the World Series. It's one of the most insanely stupid things to do. Pettitte was wild, and he had already walked in a run. He threw two awful pitches. If Shane simply would have used his head, had he simply played sound, smart, fundamental baseball that they teach you in little league, he would have waited to see a strike, and he would have been up 2-0, putting all the pressure on Pettitte. Instead, he fell behind 0-2 and had to protect. Yes, he still got a sac fly to make it 3-0, but he also became the second out and shortened what could have been an even bigger inning. Hell, the pitch he hit was probably a ball too, meaning he would have been up 3-0, maybe walked in another run to make it 3-0 with the bases loaded and one out for Chase. But he was stupid, and the Phils couldn't get any more than three. Terrible, horrible at-bat.

Speaking of horrible at-bats, Chase, Howard and Ibanez went a combined 0-for-12 with 7 strikeouts. All three looked lost and pathetic at the plate, against a lefthander who struggles against lefthanded hitters. They all chased low, outside breaking balls to strike out. And they completely and utterly killed any real chance the Phils had at any comeback. Ryan Howard, Raul Ibanez and Chase Utley gave the Phillies no chance whatsoever to win that game. They were terrible.

And so was the bullpen. J.A. Happ came in and gave up a solo home run. Then, when Jay Werth tried to wake his teammates up by getting that one back on his second long bomb of the night, Chad Durbin came in and couldn't find the strike zone, surrendering that run right back. To top things off, Brett Myers made it three innings in a row of relievers giving up a run when he gave up a pinch-hit homer to Hideki Matsui with two outs in the 8th.

Essentially, the Yankees took the initial shot by the Phillies and countered. The Phillies could't punch back. In fact, they showed no fight at all, well, no one besides Jayson Werth. After that game, Werth should have free reign to punch every single one of his teammates in the face. And he should start with Cole Hamels, because he sucks so incredibly bad that he should probably change his name to Adam Eaton. Cole Hamels fucking blows.

Somehow, these guys need to wake the fuck up and find a way to win three more games.

LET'S GO PHILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where I Make Amends With Cole Hamels

If you search "Cole Hamels" on this absurd piece of Internet real estate I created in the summer of 2008 — a mere four months before the Phillies became World Fucking Champions by the way (Coincidence? I think not!) — you'll find a ton of posts mentioning the man. Hell, there's 64 of them tagged with his name alone.



In those archives, you'll find me both praising and bashing Cole Hamels throughout. Truthfully, I've been slow to blindly hand out praise for Hamels, scarred from years and years of can't-miss Phillies pitching prospects that, wouldn't you know it, missed, but quick to give him credit when he pitched well. Seriously, I've run the gamut on the guy, from asking why his teammates hate him and never score runs the way they do for Jamie Moyer despite Cole being about 8 million times better than the old man to declaring he's no ace just yet before what turned out to be an historic playoff run.

I've crowned him king, and told him he won me over (how could he not?) after pitching the Phillies to the title and winning both NLCS and World Series MVP honors. I officially declared him an ace and vowed to never say another bad word about him.

Then 2009 happened, and it was back to the drawing board. As Cole struggled through the worst season of his life and did a complete 180 in the playoffs, I broke my vow, going so far as to say Cole Hamels blows and even ridiculously harshly titling a post Cole Hamels Fucking Sucks after blowing up against the Yankees in the World Series.

It's been quite the love-hate relationship between Cole and me, and by that I mean I've loved him and hated him while he has consistently gone through his life without knowing I even exist. Last season, there was far more good out of Hamels than bad, and the harsh criticisms of him subsided around these parts. But I'm not sure I ever properly acknowledged his maturation and the admiration I've gained by watching him these past few years. You can blame that on Cliff Lee and Roy Halladay stealing away a very large portion of my attention.

Now I think is the perfect time to make my amends with Hamels, fresh off one of his most impressive outings of his entire career. In case you were stuck in a cave, you know Hamels did something he rarely does last night, pitching a complete game in a 4-1 victory over the Nationals — a complete game in which he surrendered just five hits and one run on a solo homer to Mike Morse while striking 6, including Jayson Werth in the 9th. Oh, and he got the offense going with a two-out triple in the third and scoring the game's first run when Jimmy Rollins singled him home. Hamels later added a single to finish 2-for-4 on the night in addition to his tremendous pitching performance. It was quite a night for him.



Anyway, back to making amends. The more I watch Cole Hamels, these past two season especially, learning from the likes of Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee and Roy Oswalt, I see the guy we've really been waiting for. The reason I and countless others in Philadelphia have been so hard on Hamels is because we've seen the potential this guy has to be great. He showed it as a rookie and kept getting better. But he never really nailed down this ace thing until that incredible 2008 playoff run. And as wonderful and magical as that was, something neither Cole or any Phillies fan alive would trade for the world, it expedited everyone's expectations.

Coming off that performance, everyone expected Hamels to take Major League Baseball by storm and become a perennial all-star, if not Cy Young candidate. What we forgot was he was still in his professional baseball infancy, forgot that he was coming off his shortest offseason ever, forgot that with success and expectations comes even more pressure. And Hamels didn't meet our expectations or his own in 2009, angering all parties involved. His immaturity really showed, and it looked like he lost all the confidence he had so much of the year before.

But instead of bitching and moaning and pouting about it, no matter what we thought, Hamels used it as fuel to focus even further on his craft. Working alongside Lee and Halladay and Oswalt no doubt has helped, and last year Hamels really started to tap that potential on a whole new level. So far this season, he's taken yet another step. After last night's outstanding outing, Hamels is now 4-1 on the season. He has a 2.66 ERA, good for 10th in he National League. His 40 strikeouts place him 7th in the league, and his 1.01 WHIP has him at 6th in NL. All those numbers are better than teammates Cliff Lee and Roy Oswalt. So far this season, Hamels has been the second best pitcher on the National League's best team, trailing on Roy Halladay statistically. He may have pitched like shit in the game I was at, but he's really been coming into his own early on this season. Truthfully, it really started last year.

Hamels tasted the ultimate success in 2008 and hit rock bottom in 2009. Now, at 27 years old and in his 6th Major League season, Cole Hamels is the pitcher we were told he'd become. On his ascent, I was pretty harsh on him, as were so many of us here in Philadelphia. Consider this me making amends for that.

And oh by the way, Jayson Werth showed a ton of class last night in his first at-bat, tipping his cap to the real fans that gave him a standing ovation and a chorus of cheers — (very classy by Cole as well, not even toeing the rubber until Werth got his props from the crowd).



For those of you in attendance who booed, I'll refer you to my friend Chase Utley.



Normally, I'm 100 percent in favor of booing if you want to boo — if a player is playing badly, not showing maximum effort, if a guy says something bad about the team or the players or the fans, if the opposition is particularly hated or does something that is an affront to the city, if the team is lacking energy or effort, etc. But to boo Jayson Werth in his return to Philadelphia after all that guy did for this franchise, well, you're the reason Philadelphia fans get a bad rap. And you're an idiot. And an asshole.

Sure, Werth left Philadelphia for an enormous contract in Washington — an astronomical raise for a guy who had never had a huge contract in his career. Who in their right mind would turn down that kind of money? (And don't say Cliff Lee. Sure, Cliff took fewer dollars to come back to Philadelphia, but he's still making $100 million over 5 years, whereas Werth was making far, far less during his time in Philadelphia than he is now in Washington.) It was his one chance at a big payday, given that he was almost out of baseball before signing with the Phillies and is now in his 30s. So he left instead returning for a hometown discount, and wasn't all that pleased when he found out his expensive friend Cliff Lee was making his return to the Phillies. Fine. I get that.

But Jayson Werth never said anything bad about his teammates or the fans that adored him for four seasons as a Phillie. In fact, he embraced them. Fully. And he played his ass off for us. He turned himself from an injury-proned platoon player into an all-star. He stole two bases off Billy Wagner to ignite this streak of playoff appearances. He was an integral part of the World Fucking Champions. He busted his ass every day, truly bringing damn near everything to the table: speed, defense, a rocket arm, power, protection. Jayson Werth did a whole hell of a lot for the Phillies, and without him, this franchise isn't in the position it's in right now as one of the elite in baseball.

Those of you who don't realize that and can't appreciate that enough to just not fucking boo for one at-bat, well, you are retarded. And I mean that in the most negative way possible. Boo him his second time up, boo him when he takes the field, boo him for the rest of his career if it makes you happy. I wouldn't harbor any ill will toward you for that. But to boo him at that moment was classless. And stupid. And you're the reason Philadelphia fans have the reputation they do. You're also probably the ones who complain about that reputation the loudest. Congrats for that.

Sometimes you get the recognition you deserve. Sunday night was Philadelphia at its finest. Last night, those who booed Werth during his first at-bat only gave the haters more fuel for the fire.

P.S. Jimmy loves him some leadoff. Rollins looked a whole hell of a lot more like his old MVP-ish self last night at the top of the order, going 2-for-4 with a run, an RBI, a triple and a steal. Probably best to leave him there even though he's the most frustrating leadoff hitter in the history of ever, because when Jimmy hits, the Phillies win. Simple as that.

P.P.S. Zoo With Roy's Sag-O-Meter worked perfectly, as Raul broke out of his 0-for-80 billion slump with a rocket ground rule double to center. Way to go, Raul. ZWR is a genius!

Giants Get a Big Lump of Cole

With the final month of the season rolling around the Phils having off on Monday, all talk seemed to focus on the potential postseason match-up between the Phillies and Giants with San Francisco coming to Philadelphia as the calendar flipped to September. For weeks, maybe even months now, the Giants have been hailed as the team no one wants to see in the playoffs, especially with the nearly unhittable tandem of Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain in a short five-game series.



My roommates and I discussed the merits of that fear, and I agree that Cain and Lincecum are a frightening pair to face, but I argued that I'd rather see the Giants than the Cardinals. The reasoning is pretty simple in my mind. The Cards have an almost equally as potent 1-2 punch with Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright, plus they cary a much more dangerous hitting team. They have Albert Pujols after all, not to mention Matt Holliday and the rest.

My thought is the Phillies have the edge against San Fran because Cliff Lee and Lincecum are basically a wash, and while Cain is having a much better season than Cole Hamels, after that, I like Joe Blanton and J.A. Happ more than Jonathan Sanchez and Brad Penny/Randy Johnson/whoever else San Fran throws out there. Plus, the Phillies are way more potent offensively. I mean, it's not even close really. But the Cards compare more favorably offensively, especially now.

However, upon watching Cole's performance last night, I came to one simple conclusion: If Hamels pitches like he did last night, like he did last postseason, I'm not scared of anyone in the NL. Not the Giants, not the Cardinals, not even the Dodgers or Rockies.



This is the Cole Hamels we've all been waiting for. After going 8 superb innings of no-run baseball his last out against Pittsburgh, Hamels finally followed up with an encore. And what an encore it was. Last night, against a hapless Giants lineup, Cole was simply dominant in his complete game shutout performance: 9 strikeouts, just 1 walk and 2 hits surrendered. He was simply toying with the Giants out there, hitting his spots with deadly accuracy, throwing all three pitches for strikes, and most importantly, owning the game and the pace with his tempo.

And that changeup, man, it couldn't even be touched last night. It was a thing of beauty. That's the Cole we've all come to expect, and if these last two starts (17 straight scoreless innings) are any indication, it's the World Fucking Champions everyone should be scared to death of.

Now, some of you may be telling me to settle myself down. After all, Cole's last two starts, as great as they were, came against the Triple A Pirates and a Giants team that has trouble scoring runs. It's not exactly like facing Pujols or the Yankees here. But Cole looked just so dominant last night that it has to get you excited, especially considering he performed nearly flawlessly in a complete pitchers' duel.



Jonathan Sanchez was plain dealing last night, giving the Phillies fits: 6 innings, 8 strikeouts, 3 hits, 1 run and 3 walks. The Phils were nearly as anemic against him as the Giants were against Cole. Thank goodness for the red-hot Ryan Howard, who drove in the only run of the game with an RBI double to plate Shane Victorino in the 4th, because beyond that, Sanchez was matching Hamels pitch for pitch.

He was throwing so well that I was stunned he didn't come out for the 7th, though it hardly mattered. Brandon Medders came in and tossed two shutout innings in relief, putting the pressure squarely on Cole's shoulders. And Hamels thrived with the game on the line.

After a leadoff single by Rich Aurillia to start the final inning, I quietly thought to myself that perhaps this was where Cole would unravel. But then he picked off the pinch runner (anyone else think he was safe?). No one on, one out. Hamels followed that up by walking dangerous pinch hitter Pablo Sandoval, his first walk of the game, and that was all she wrote. He struck out Bengie Molina on three pitches and got Edgar Renteria to pop out in foul territory to first to end the game. It was a gem, and it was just what Hamels and the Phillies needed.

With the depth of the starting rotation — Lee, Hamels, Blanton, Happ — and the most explosive offense in the NL, there isn't a team in the senior circuit that strikes fear if Cole is going like this. In fact, the only team I fear is the Phillies themselves, with their penchant for leaving runners in scoring position and the ever-shaky closer spot. But with Lee and Hamels throwing the way they're capable of, a closer hardly matters.

Oh, and how about that stolen base for Cole? That was pretty awesome.

'You're Gonna Win Those Games. You're Goin to the World Series'

Last season, after the Phillies defeated the Dodgers in Los Angeles to advance to the World Series for the first time in 15 years, Charlie Manuel relayed the story of the final conversation he had with his mother before she passed away during the playoffs. June said, "Charlie, you're gonna win those games. You're going to the World Series." I think Charlie and his team may have thought she meant the Phillies were going to win those games and go to the World Series forever, because that's what they've done ever since, now two years in a row.



This season has been a rocky road to say the least. Then again, so was last year. Yeah, in 2008, Brad Lidge was perfect and the bullpen was awesome, but lest we forget, the No. 2 starter in the postseason was sent down to the minors, the shortstop was injured and the starters were shaky. Oh, and Adam Eaton was on the team. But the Phils put it all together, got on a run and won the World Series. In a season where the shortstop was in a major slump, their No. 2 starter went down to injury, the bullpen imploded, the closer was the opposite of perfect and the ace regressed, the Phillies find themselves four more wins from another parade down Broad Street. These guys just know how to win, and they know how to put teams away. They proved that again last night.

Last postseason's golden boy, Cole Hamels, was on the mound for the second straight year with a chance to eliminate the Dodgers and send his Phillies to the World Series. Unlike last year, Cole didn't didn't dominate. Far from it. In fact, Cole couldn't even get through five innings, and I think it's officially time to state the obvious: the 2009 version of Cole Hamels stinks. I'm tired of hearing about how close he is, how he's just a few pitches off, how unlucky he is. The numbers don't lie, and his numbers aren't good. They haven't been all season. Sometimes you have to call a spade a spade. You are, as they say, what you are. And right now, Cole Hamels is a bad starting pitcher. Even worse, he's a dumb starting pitcher.



The first-inning home run he surrendered to Andre Ethier came on a horrendous pitch — a pitch he should have never thrown. Hamels was ahead of Ethier 1-2. He threw a changeup and a curveball to get those first two strikes. Then he pumped Ethier five straight fastballs. Five. On the fifth, Ethier sent it to the bleachers. Repeatedly in the at-bat, Hamels shook off Ruiz, who I can only assume was calling for that disappearing changeup at least once or twice with two strikes. The changeup is Hamels' putaway pitch, his strikeout pitch, his best pitch. And he refused to throw it. He's refused to throw it ever since Manny hit that three-run bomb in game 1. Instead, he thought it was a good idea to pump fastballs to Andre Ethier. Horrible, horrible pitching.

Then in the second, he gave up another home run on a 1-2 pitch, this time to James Loney. Guess what kind of pitch it was … yeah, a fastball. Instead of, again, going to his strikeout pitch, his swing and miss pitch, Hamels tried to sneak a fastball by Loney high and inside. He did not. Loney was all over it, crushing it to right field. The most maddening part was it was very similar to the pitch Loney hit out against Hamels in game 1. What I'm trying to say is, Cole is stupid and sucks. He went out and got himself a hat trick, giving up a third solo home run to Orlando Hudson in the fifth. And guess what, it was on a fastball up in the zone. All season long, Hamels has been getting burned on fastballs up in the zone, yet he continues to pump his straight, 90-93 mph fastball up and over the plate. Major League batters feast on those pitches, and that's why Cole Hamels has sucked this year. It's why he's sucked in these playoffs. But hey, both games he started, the Phils won. Still, I don't want him anywhere near that Yankees lineup in the World Series (assuming they get there). He better not be the game 2 starter. I think Pedro Martinez has earned that right, while Hamels has squandered it away.

Luckily for Hamels and all of Philadelphia, the offense wouldn't let it bother them. Right after Hamels gave up a run in the 1st inning, the Phils answered. Chase Utley worked a two-out walk to tie Boog Powell's record of reaching base safely in 25 straight postseason games. Then, finally tired of seeing Ryan Howard terrorize LA pitching, Vicente Padilla pitched around Howard, walking him on four pitches to get to Jayson Werth. Not a bad idea, considering Howard has been killing it while Werth, Ibanez and Feliz have struggled. But clearly, Werth was offended. Intentionally walk someone to get to me? Intentionally walk this.



What a great at-bat, and when he hit it, I was trying to will it out. Out it went, and off I went on Padilla, screaming, "YOU FRAUD! I KNEW YOU WERE A FRAUD! FUCK YEAH!" among other things. Boom. Game over. Sure, the Dodgers answered with Loney's home run, but this game was over right then and there. When these Phillies smell blood, they pounce. Sure, Loney answered. So fucking what? Pedro Feliz, who looked more lost at the plate than balloon boy in this postseason, smoked a liner the opposite way and into the right field seats to get that 2-run lead right back. Welcome to the playoffs, Pedro. Nice to have you. After an uneventful third, the Phillies pounced again. Jayson Werth, who simply is the man, led off with a single, and Raul followed with a double to drive him in, putting the Phils up 5-2 and chasing Padilla back to his rightful spot among shitty starting pitchers. You can fool people for a while there, Vicente, but we all knew you couldn't possibly be this good. And you're not. At least not in Philadelphia, in that ballpark.

Before it was all said and done, Shane Victorino was getting hit by a pitch with the bases loaded and before they even knew what hit them, the Dodgers found themselves in a 6-2 hole. After Cole surrendered the home run to Hudson and finally left the game after giving up a double to Rafael Furcal, cutting the lead to 3, the TBS announcers were at it again. A three-run lead is nothing in this ballpark. The Dodgers had gotten to the Phillies bullpen. Now they had a chance. Seriously, have these assholes watched this series? That supposedly weak Phillies bullpen has been pretty damn good. And last night they were awesome.

After Happ walked a guy and got one out, Chad Durbin finished off the 5th. Then the 6th, breezing through all four batters he faced — getting Manny to ground out, Kemp to strike out, and Loney and Martin to ground out. He did a phenomenal, phenomenal job. And how did this great, incredible, unhittable Dodgers bullpen react? The same way this overrated, overhyped set of arms has all series. They wilted under the pressure, showed their fear and gave up runs.

In came the untouchable Clayton Kershaw with his great stuff. Buck Martinez said his stuff was so good, his fastball so good, that Kershaw didn't even have to make great pitches. He just needed to throw it over the plate. The Phillies hitters would have a hard time catching up. Really? Have you watched this team once all season? Hell, have you watched them at all this series? If I recall, some guy named Jimmy Rollins smoked a pretty damn fast fastball the game before:



Really, you think pumping fastballs to a team that absolutely annihilates fastballs is a good idea, Buck? Well, how'd that work out for ya?

Chan Ho Park then came in and pitched a brilliant 7th, and skating around bases loaded trouble caused by Park and his own doing, Ryan Madson regained his dominant form, getting three straight batters with the bases loaded and no out to limit the damage to 1 run. The Phillies relievers, who had to pitch four and two-thirds, gave up one run combined. Meanwhile, the remarkable, outstanding, cannot-be-scored-upon Dodgers bullpen pitchers surrendered four runs by three different pitchers. Yeah, the pen is mightier. The Phillies pen.



Jayson Werth added another home run to his already insanely awesome night, and the Phils tacked on another for good measure in the 8th to go up 10-4. Then Brad LIdge came on for the 9th and showed once again, without a shadow of a doubt, that he is back, striking out Mark Loretta, popping up the eternally overrated Rafael Furcal and getting Ronnie Belliard to fly out to end the game and the series, sending the Phils back to the World Series:



Back-to-back National League Champions. Back-to-back World Series. These guys are good. Really good. I went out and celebrated with silver fox, downing a few beers and closing out the bar while taking it all in. The Phillies are in the World Series. Again. Four more wins from another title.

And Ryan Howard, for the first time all postseason, failed to drive in a run. He won the MVP anyway. Dude is a monster.



The coolest thing for me was watching the interview on Comcast with Ruben Amaro by Michael Barkann and Ricky Bottalico. They asked how Ruben was so calm, so reserved, at least considering. Ruben's response was priceless. He said he was proud of the great accomplishment, reaching the World Series again, but he said, just like the players, he truly believes and they truly believe there's still one more step. That they still need four more wins. Something tells me they'll get them. Four more wins. Four more.

Oh yeah, and did anyone else happen to flip to Fox's coverage after the game for the gathering on Cottman? Well, there was a girl who flashed her tits, and it was right on the live broadcast. And it was awesome. Nice boobs, lady. Nice boobs.

LET'S GO PHILS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brad Lidge Sucks, Cole Hamels Blows and Vice Versa

Anyone ever see the movie "Vice Versa" besides me?



For those of you who haven't seen it, basically, it's a movie from 1988 where the guy from Beverly Hills cop (Judge Reinhold) and the kid from The Wonder Years (Fred Savage) play a father and son who wind up switching bodies when the two touch a mysterious Thai skull at the same time. That's the '80s for you.

Well, on my way to work this morning, that movie popped in my head for whatever reason and gave me an idea. See, outside of Eric Bruntlett and for a stretch there Jamie Moyer, Brad Lidge and Cole Hamels have been by far the worst players on the Philadelphia Phillies. The two men who were incredibly integral to last season's success have both done a complete 180, sucking more balls than John Amaechi. Hamels has a robust 6.75 ERA in the month of August, and his numbers on the season are pitiful: 7-8, 4.78 ERA, 1.35 WHIP, 157 hits and 22 homers surrendered in 139.1 innings.



He has the fifth highest ERA in the NL, and opposing hitters are batting .285 against him. He blows.

And Hamels' numbers look good compared to Lidge's: 0-6, 7.33 ERA, 56 hits and 11 home runs surrendered in 46.2 innings, 1.80 WHIP, .299 batting average against and 9 blown saves in 34 chances. That's a 74 percent success rate in save situations … and that's rounding up!



Last night, after the Phillies battled back from a one-run deficit in the ninth to take a one-run lead, Brad Lidge not only blew the save, not only lost the game, but the guy failed to get a single PITTSBURGH PIRATE out. For the record, the Pirates are 52-71 this season and traded away every half-decent player they had from the start of the season. And Brad Lidge blew a save against those guys … without even getting a single out.

So what does this have to do with the movie Vice Versa? I'm glad you asked. Now, I don't want to spoil the movie for you, but Marshall Seymour and Charlie Seymour learn an awful lot about themselves and each other after switching bodies. In the end, they're both better off for it.

Well, I propose we try our own little social experiment, taking a page out Jeffrey Lurie's book. Let's find this magical skull and get Lidge and Hamels to touch it, effectively switching bodies. Brad can see what it's like being Cole, the pussy pretty boy who carries his puppy in a backpack.



Something tells me Lidge will never be more happy that he was born Brad Lidge, the badass closer with the shitty intro music, than that pussy-ass Cole Hamels. He'll realize what he has as the closer, bear down and get his shit together, because he doesn't want to show any weakness like Cole. He'll have to prove his manhood all over again. Maybe that will do the trick.

Meanwhile, Cole will be thrust into the high pressure cooker that is the closer role. He'll realize how good of a gig he has a starter, where one mistake won't necessarily kill you because the team has plenty of chances left to pick you up. Maybe he'll realize it would be a good idea to shut down the opposition early so there's not so much pressure on the bullpen late. And maybe he'll regain his form, because the closer role is a very pressure-packed one and we all saw just how well Colbert pitched last October when the pressure was never greater. Maybe that would do the trick. And maybe he'll toughen up a little bit and not bitch about chiropractors and resting his arm and whatever else bothers him.

If not, fuck it, just send Lidge out back and shoot him and replace Cole with Jamie. Anything is better than those two right now.

I don't care how loyal Charlie is. I don't care how piss-poor the other options are. The Phillies cannot go into the postseason with Brad Lidge as the closer and Cole Hamels as the No. 2 starter pitching like this. They just can't. Move Cole to the fourth spot. Put anyone — Madson, Chan Ho, Myers — in the closer spot. Or find that skull to set these two straight. Otherwise, nice knowing you.

What have Hamels and Lidge ever done for us anyway?

The Bridge is Swaying but Phils Still Standing

Despite doing everything in their power to give the Dodgers the upper hand, not even Cole Hamels and Ryan Madson could blow this one last night. No, because Curbball, Howard and Raul simply wouldn't let them. Not this night.



Yesterday, I had a good feeling about last night's game, about this series. And I thought it would get kick-started by the left arm of Cole Hamels. Boy was I wrong about that one. After the Phils went down with just three batters to start the game after Shane Victorino got picked off first, Cole gave up two singles in the first inning, but he did avoid surrendering any runs. That didn't last long. When the Phils again went down in order in the 2nd, thanks to both Jayson Werth and Raul Ibanez caught looking — at which point I went fucking ape-shit, yelling at them to get the god damn bat off their shoulder — Cole Hamels went out and gave up a home run to James Loney, a lefty who not only rarely hits homers off lefthanded pitchers, but a guy who rarely hits home runs in Chavez Ravine. 1-0. Dodgers.

Thankfully, Cole settled in after that, getting the next three batters and breezing through the 3rd with a 1-2-3 inning, but you could tell something was off. Cole wasn't commanding his pitches, not by a long shot. Sure, home plate umpire Randy Marsh had a tight strike zone, but he was consistent on both sides.



That wasn't Cole's problem. He simply wasn't hitting Ruiz's glove, leaving many hittable pitches over the plate. But he was getting outs. On the other side, the 21-year-old Clayton Kershaw was cruising, one-hitting the Phils through three. But in the 4th, after a two-out walk to Howard, Kershaw grooved a 2-0 fastball middle in to Jayson Werth. When he swung, I thought it was gone, but it didn't quite have the right sound. Instead of what I thought was a 2-run home run, Werth got it a little off the end of the bat, and the Phils still trailed 1-0 … and still had yet to get a hit off Kershaw since Shane's first-inning single.

But after Cole got his second straight 1-2-3 inning — striking out Casey Blake and getting both James Loney and Ronnie Belliard to pop out — the Phils finally pounced on the young southpaw. Raul Ibanez got things going, leading off the 5th with a single to left center. That seemed to rattle Kershaw, who after getting a first-pitch strike to Pedro Feliz, completely lost command. He threw a wild pitch that allowed Ibanez to advance to second, and threw four straight balls to Feliz, putting runners on 2nd and 1st with no outs. Carlos, who took note of Kershaw's erratic control, took the first two pitches for balls, making it six straight balls by Kershaw, and taking a mighty rip at a 2-0 fastball. He missed it, fouling it off, but he sure as hell didn't miss the next one, turning on a fastball up in the zone and depositing it into the left field stands.



My roommates and I were going berserk, jumping around off our seats in our customary playoff baseball fashion. Curbball, you magnificent bastard. You can hit .220 in the regular season the rest of your life. I know you're just saving it for October. 3-1 Phils, still nobody out in the 5th. That was essentially all she wrote for Kershaw. Clearly rattled and losing it, he walked Hamels on four pitches. Then he fell behind Jimmy Rollins 3-1, but was bailed out by an impatient Jimmy, who chopped a 3-1 pitch to third, reaching on a fielder's choice as Blake got Hamels at 2nd. Then Kershaw came back and struck out Shane Victorino, but his tough inning wasn't through. Chase worked a great at-bat for a 7-pitch walk to get Ryan Howard to the plate, and once again, the big boy delivered, ripping a 1-0, low and inside fastball to right for a two-run double. There was never a doubt Chase was scoring from 1st.



5-1 Phils, and even with a long way to go, we were all feeling all sorts of good. With the way Cole has pitched against Los Angeles in his career, it was all set up for him to continue that wild success. Only he didn't. In this position a season ago, Hamels was lethal. After getting a lead, forget about it. He didn't just have shutdown innings, he had shutdown finishes. And that's what the Phils needed here, a shutdown inning after scoring five runs in the fifth to take a four-run lead. They didn't get one.

First, Cole gave up a leadoff double to Russell Martin. When he followed that up with a strike out of pinch hitter Orlando Hudson, I thought Cole was going to pitch out of it and lock down the Dodgers. I really did. Especially after he went up 0-2 on Rafael Furcal. Naturally, on an 0-2 pitch, I was expecting a changeup off the plate and in the dirt. That's Cole's best pitch, his putaway pitch, and another strikeout would be huge. Instead, he and Carlos Ruiz opted to go with a high fastball, trying to get Furcal to chase. One problem: Furcal is and always has been an excellent fastball hitter, and true to form, Furcal slapped that high 0-2 fastball through the hole on the right side for a single. I was pissed at the pitch selection immediately. For the life of me, I can't figure out why with an 0-2 count and in need of an out Cole wouldn't throw his best pitch. That decision was costly.

Cole fell behind Andre Ethier 3-1, and I was starting to really get on Hamels. Ever since his brilliance last season, Cole hasn't been the same. He admittedly wasn't prepared for the start of the regular season, saying maybe he spent a little too much time making the interview rounds. When he should have been working on developing consistent command of that curveball, he was out talking to Regis and Kelly. And the guy hasn't had it all season long. He didn't have it game 2 of the NLDS. What made me think he'd have it last night? Because he didn't.

Yes, on that 3-1 pitch to Ethier, Cole made a fantastic pitch, jamming Ethier to force a dead double play ball. Unfortunately, Rollins couldn't get the ball out of his glove initially, throwing off Utley's timing at second. And while the Phils did get Furcal at second, Utley's throw sailed into the dugout, allowing Martin to score and putting Ethier on second with Manny coming to the dish. Cole was visibly frustrated, showing his disgust with his mannerisms, and he let it affect him. Yes, the play should have been made. It was a tailor-made double play ball. But it wasn't. It was Cole's job to settle himself down and go after Manny.



All game long, the announcers were talking about how Manny has been struggling with the inside fastball for over a month now. That's how Cole got him out the first at-bat, and how the Cardinals had gotten him out the series before. But Cole decided to not challenge Manny, throwing three straight changeups, and the third one, Manny launched deep to left center field, 5-4.



Honestly, it wasn't even a bad pitch. Manny hit it off his shoe tops and launched it. That's why he's been one of the greatest players of this generation. But the approach by Hamels was suspect, and he clearly let his emotions get the best of him. After being awarded a four-run lead, Hamels gave three of them right back. An ace isn't supposed to that, but then again, Cole hasn't been an ace since last October.

My patience has evaporated with Hamels now. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt in the NLDS for his poor performance, but last night was simply inexcusable. He wasn't focused, hasn't been focused all year, and that's on him. He needs to wake the fuck up and stop whining and pouting out there and just make his pitches. Worry about what he can control and stop letting everything else around him affect him. You're a big boy now, Cole. Start fucking acting like it.

The Dodgers clearly had all the momentum in the world, and then they brought in rookie Ronald Belisario. Somehow, I had gone all season long ignorant to Belisario, and I don't know how. That fucker threw the most undecipherable fastball I have ever seen. Every damn pitch moved about a foot between his hand the plate traveling 96, 97, hell even 100 mph, and he set down the Phils easily in order. Charlie sent Cole back out for the 6th, with his spot coming up to lead off the 7th, and hoped he'd refocus. Instead, he gave up back-to-back one-out singles and was done for the night. And the second sinlge was particularly maddening. Again, after getting two strikes on Ronnie Belliard, Cole refused to throw his changeup. Ruiz called for it a few times, but Cole kept shaking him off. Manny's home run made Cole shy away from his best pitch, and instead of throwing his putaway pitch to get Belliard, he threw him a fastball and let him get a hit. Another shitty performance in a season's worth of shitty performances from last year's ace. At least he left with the lead.

Chad Durbin and J.A. Happ combined to end the inning unscathed, but there was a sense that the Dodgers were in a very good position. All we've heard in every preview and prediction under the sun is that the Dodgers have a vastly superior bullpen, and with both teams in the pen of a one-run game, surely L.A. would come out victorious. There wasn't an analyst out there who thought the Phils could win a game that came down to the battle of the bullpens.

With Belisario dealing and then Kuo coming in and getting a pretty easy 7th, it looked like those predictions were coming true. And it looked even more like things were going to go true to form when Charlie sent out rookie Antonio Bastardo to start the 7th in a one-run game in the NLCS. A guy who had barely pitched in the big leagues and a guy who was, without question, a surprise addition to the postseason roster. And Bastardo failed miserably to do his job. He was brought in to face one hitter and one hitter only, lefty Andre Ethier, to get him out. Instead, he surrendered a leadoff double, bringing the always lethal Manny Ramirez to the plate with the tying run on second, representing the go-ahead run himself.

Charlie called upon a familiar face in Los Angeles, Chan Ho Park, who had been brilliant out of the pen last season for the Dodgers. No one quite knew what to expect from Park. He had been great all season since moving to the bullpen, but he had also been out since the middle of September. Well, in his first appearance in a month, in a very sticky situation no less, Park looked like he hadn't missed a beat.



Firing fastballs that were hitting 96 on the gun, he got big, bad Manny to ground out. Then he struck out Matt Kemp, and forced Casey Blake to hit a grounder to second. A leadoff double with Manny at the dish turned into nothing for the Dodgers. Park was magnificent. And he let his teammates and the world know he was feeling the rush of adrenaline, mimicking taking his pulse in the dugout and showing his heart was beating fast. This year, Park's on the right side, and he wasn't going to be the one to screw it up.

The 8th inning rolled around and the game was incredibly tense. The Phils had gotten to Kershaw in a big 5th, but the Dodgers bullpen had closed the door. Now the Phils had to find a way to hold on. L.A. sent out lefty George Sherrill for the 8th, a player they acquired from Baltimore for this exact situation — to face the Phillies' tough lefthanders. Well, that's when this great Dodgers bullpen imploded, specifically Sherrill. He walked Ryan Howard on five pitches, and then duplicated that at-bat against Jayson Werth. Against his first two batters, Sherrill threw 10 pitches, 8 of them balls, and walked both players to start the inning.

I turned to my roommates and said, "You think Raul is taking here? He fucking better be." I mean, the guy had just thrown 10 pitches, 8 of them out of the strike zone. Of course you make him get one over, right? Not exactly. On the very first pitch he saw, Raul took a mighty cut and shut me right the hell up, hitting a high home run that just cleared the right field fence.



A tense, 5-4 game had just turned into an 8-4 lead for the Phils in the 8th. I couldn't fucking believe it. Not only did Raul swing at the first pitch, not only did he hit it out, but it was a god damn breaking ball, not even a fastball. Like I said, he should be swinging there. What the fuck? I couldn't believe it. If he had gotten out on that pitch, my head might have exploded. Under no circumstance would I have even allowed Raul to swing. I'd have put the stop sign on. Again, that's why I'm a stupid 25-year-old moron and Charlie Manuel has the ring. And that's why Raul Ibanez is still mashing the baseball nearing 40 in the big leagues.

I leapt so hard out of my chair that I broke the damn thing. Raul, shit, I fucking love that guy. A four-run cushion with 6 outs to go. I liked those odds.

And then Ryan Madson came in. Last season, when Madson suddenly started throwing in the high 90s and becoming an unhittable force, I was completely baffled as to where this all came from. And now, I'm completely baffled as to where that dominant setup man has gone. Plain and simple, Madson is a headcase, much in the way Brad Lidge is.

Madson struggled as a starter when he came up, moved to the bullpen full time and had a great year. Then he sucked for a good while, then became OK, then sucked again, then became unhittable. This season, he looked unhittable as the setup guy for a while, but when Lidge struggled and Madson was thrust into the closer's role, he blew donkey balls, and he's never been quite the same since.



He was terrible in his last outing in Colorado, and he was even more terrible last night. Throwing basically nothing but fastballs, Madson continually spit the middle of the plate, and the Dodgers took advantage. Three straight singles to lead it off by Loney, Belliard and Martin to make it 8-5, and I was ready to literally murder Madson. That stupid fuck was working with a 4-run lead and instead of getting the game to ninth with that lead, he put on his best Cole Hamels performance, giving those runs right back. He got Juan Pierre out and then Furcal hit a sac fly to make it 8-6. When he surrendered a single to Andre Ethier, I was ready to cast him off into oblivion.

Time for the hook, Charlie. But then again, all he had left was Brad Lidge and Scott Eyre out in the pen, and with the double switch leaving Ben Francisco in the game, who had made the last out in the 7th, for Raul, the pitcher's spot in the order could come up in the top of the 9th. Unless he was going to use Blanton in the 9th, Charlie had no choice but to stick with Madson against Manny. That was a scary thought, and none us of particularly thought this was going to end well. But it did. Madson somehow, after completely shitting the bed to start the inning, got Manny to ground out to Pedro to get to the 9th with a 2-run lead.

From there, we all knew it was going to be Lidge, no matter what. And the Phils didn't give their fans any insurance in the 9th, meaning we'd all have to hold our breaths yet again with a 2-run lead and Lidge in for the save. But for some reason, I had complete confidence in him. Perhaps it was his two saves in Colorado. Perhaps it was just a hunch. Either way, I was comfortable with Lidge out there.

After a leadoff single to Kemp, that confidence wavered a bit. But then he induced a double play by Casey Blake, and I was ready to officially declare Brad Lidge back from the dead. But then, with a two-run lead and two outs, he walked James Loney to bring the tying run to the plate. I was killing him for that. Well, until he got Belliard to pop out to end the game. 8-6 Phils, 1-0 series lead. Lights out looks like he just may be back just in the nick of time.



That's 3-for-3 in save chances this postseason. The Phils have four wins in the playoffs. Brad Lidge has saved three of them. He's still perfect in October as a Phillie. Unlike the Dodgers bullpen. How about that huge Los Angeles bullpen advantage?

LET'S GO PHILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Curious Case of Cole Hamels

As you may have heard, the Phillies took two of three from the Mets up at Citi Field this weekend, drawing to within two games of the Braves in the NL East and pulling even with the Giants in leading the Wild Card. That's good news. However, things didn't start out so great up in Flushing.



We all know that the Phillies had no luck whatsoever in the new ballpark last time, getting swept without scoring a single run over three games. But since the all-star break, the Mets have been awful and the Phils have been rolling, so it was safe to think the Phillies would roll up to New York and make a statement in that first game. They did not, instead getting shut out for the fourth straight game at Citi Field, losing 1-0 to R.A. Dickey, the same R.A. Dickey who I witnessed get shelled in Citizens Bank Park a week earlier. To make it even worse, not only did Dickey shut out the Phils for the second time this year, but the only hit he surrendered came at the hands of opposing pitcher, Cole Hamels.



And that brings me to my main point. Cole Hamels has started 24 games this season for the Phillies. He has a very good 3.33 ERA. He's struck out 157 batters — tied for 4th in the NL —  while only walking 48 in 154 innings. Which is all to say, Cole Hamels has been really, really good in 2010. Yet here he sits, on August 16, with a losing record at 7-9. His last two outings, he's pitched 15 innings of two-run ball, losing both games 1-0. He's surrendered more than three runs just once in his last nine starts, yet only has one win to show for it.

If you recall, Cole suffered a similar fate in 2008, when he finished the regular season with a 3.09 ERA, 1.08 WHIP, 196 strikeouts to just 53 walks in 227 and a third innings, yet only finished 14-10. For one reason or another, the Phillies just don't score runs when Hamels is on the mound. On Friday, they didn't even get a hit for him, not a single one. Cole had to do that himself.

So the question has to be asked, why? Why do his teammates seemingly refuse to score runs for him? I think we all know the reason:

I Feel Like I Just Got Punched in the Gut

The Eagles won, embarrassing the Giants 40-17. Penn State won, easily steamrolling Northwestern in the second half to win 34-13. The Flyers won, exploding offensively in a 6-1 victory against Carolina. Hell, even the 76ers won twice, beating the Bucks in the home opener Friday and outgunning the Knicks 141-127 Saturday night. But the one team that I really cared about, the one team that mattered, went 0-2 on their home field to fall behind 3-1 in the best of seven World Series. I'd trade all those wins from the Eagles, Flyers, Nittany Lions and Sixers for one or two Phillies wins this weekend. All of them.



First, Cole Hamels shit the bed, and then last night happened. It was the most painful loss this side of Joe Carter. It really was. The Phillies, one strike away from facing Mariano Rivera and impending doom in the 8th inning, came back on the mighty Yankees. Pedro Feliz, who played the role Jayson Werth played Saturday night for the Phillies, put Joba in his place and tied the game. My angst, anger and frustration melted away. I went off on Joba, calling him a fat fuck fraud. I was certain the Phils were going to win. They had avoided Rivera, tied it up and stolen the momentum. A 3-1 series hole was about become a 2-2 tie, best of three sprint to the finish.

Then it wasn't. Brad Lidge, who had fooled us all into thinking he was perhaps back, got two quick outs … and then came undone. Single, hit by pitch, double, single, and 4-4 suddenly became 7-4, with the hammer of Mariano Rivera about to come down. A-Rod and company might as well have come to my house and punched me right in the gut as hard as they possibly can, because that's what it felt like. There was no anger. There was no huge blowup. I just went numb, grasping for air. We were all Lidge'd once again:

I got nothing.
This series ain't over. But it's close to being over. Don't have a post in me right now.
Absolutely, totally, utterly deflated.

The thing about last night is that for the first time in a long time, everything went wrong. Everything. For starters, Charlie Manuel put his players in a terrible position. He just did. I love Joe Blanton, I'm a huge fan, but after Cole Hamels blew up for the fourth time this postseason on Saturday, Charlie had to, had to come back with Cliff Lee last night. Not because Joe couldn't get the job done. In fact, Joe kept the Phils in the game against CC. But he had to go with Lee because, well, you have look at the entire series. By going with Blanton over Lee, and having Lee pitch tonight, he essentially has put the ball back in Cole Hamels' hands if there is a game 7. The same Cole Hamels who has failed to perform even moderately well in a single start this postseason. And that's not a good thing, not by a mile.



Whether he's pitched on three days rest before or not, you just had to get Lee out there so he could be ready for three games in this series. Something tells me Cliff would have been just fine. Then come back with Blanton tonight, Pedro for game 6 and then Lee again on game 7. Now the Phils need to get wins out of Cliff Lee and Pedro Martinez just to get to a game 7, where CC Sabathia would face off against Cole Hamels. That might as well be Cy Young pitching against Adam Eaton.

Also, facing a 2-1 deficit, I'd rather have Lee on the mound in a game that will determine a 2-2 tie or 3-1 hole than anyone else. That's just me. And this isn't hindsight talking here. I said all this before the game last night. I just don't agree with not going with Lee last night.

Having said that, Joe Blanton didn't lose that game, though he certainly didn't win it either. He came out and spotted CC two runs right off the bat. Derek Jeter led off with a single and Johnny Damon followed with a double. Of course, both players scored, and as much I try to dismiss Derek Jeter as over the hill or whatever, man, that guy is just so fucking good. Watching him this World Series makes it easy to understand why he's deified in New York. He is incredible, and he's earned every bit of his reputation. When October/November rolls around, he simply becomes the most reliable, most clutch player there is. He and Johnny Damon have killed the Phillies the past two nights, and they did it again.

The thing was, the Phils answered that early bell. Back-to-back doubles in the bottom of the first by Shane Victorino and Chase Utley cut the deficit to 1 and Pedro Feliz tied the game up with an RBI single in the 4th to plate Ryan Howard. But the Yanks wouldn't back down. These certainly aren't the Dodgers or Rockies or Rays. When the Yankees get pushed, they push right back.

The Phils needed an all-important shutdown inning in the 5th. What they got was a disaster. Joe Blanton led things off by walking Nick Swisher, hardly a threat with the way he's swung the bat this postseason. Chase Utley followed with yet another boneheaded defensive play. For starters, I have no idea why he wasn't closer to the bag, at normal double play depth. He seemed to have to go a long way for a ball up the middle that should have been easy to get to for a second baseman playing at double play depth. But he did get to it, and instead of taking the ball out of his glove and getting the sure out at second with a good toss, Chase tried to flip it to Rollins right out of his glove. That didn't work, as the ball went straight up in the air and the runners were safe all around.

You give the Yankees extra outs and they'll kill you. And of course they did. Jeter and Damon each struck again, each knocking in a run with a single. The two-run hole the Phils clawed themselves out of was back as soon as it vanished. That's no way to go about winning a baseball game, especially against the team with the best record in all of baseball.

The Phils showed no quit, however. In fact, their very next at-bat, Jimmy Rollins led off with a single and Victorino followed with a walk. Maybe the Phils could answer. No such luck. Sensing danger ahead, CC used his wits, quick-pitching Chase Utley on a two-strike count. Utley wasn't prepared, check swung and popped out. Then Sabathia got Howard to pop out to almost the identical spot, and again with a two-strike count on Jayson Werth, CC quick-pitched him to get Werth swinging. The middle of the lineup failed to come through, and Raul Ibanez hasn't helped whatsoever.

Raul had a tremendous season for the Phils, came up with some big hits in the first two series. But right now, he looks completely lost at the plate. He can't even make contact, let alone get a hit, and he's becoming an albatross in the 6th hole. His struggles have really killed this lineup. Without him picking things up, the Phils have no chance at the improbable comeback. None.

Of course, the Phils kept fighting. Chase hit another homer of CC to make it a one-run game, and the Phils were still breathing. The thing is, I think Charlie made another misstep with the way he handled the bullpen. Chan Ho Park had an easy 7th inning, and the pitcher's spot was nowhere near up in the lineup. I think he should sent him out for the 8th and then used Madson in the 9th. Instead, Charlie went with Madson in the 8th, which is fine, and when he got out of it unscathed, I would have left him in for the 9th, especially after Pedro tied it up and with the pitcher's spot coming up to lead off the bottom of the 9th. Charlie did not. He went with Lidge, and Lidge imploded. Again. It was his 9th loss of 2009. His 9th. He's a closer. Cole Hamels, in all his shittiness, had 11 losses in the regular season and has two this postseason. That's four more losses than the team's closer. Brad Lidge has had a 2009 to forget. Sadly, we won't ever be able to, not after last night.

He came in and got two quick outs. Then he lost a battle with Johnny Damon, for some reason abandoning his slider after Damon fouled two of them off. Damon singled to left on a fastball. Then he hit the struggling Mark Teixeira to bring up A-Rod with the game on the line. He threw Rodriguez two straight fastballs. The second one went to the left-centerfield fence, 5-4 Yanks. The Jorge Posada ended any hopes of a comeback by plating Teixeira and A-Rod. Now the Phils are down 3-1, and I feel like even with great outings by Lee and Pedro, this thing may be all over. Because if the Phils do somehow miraculously manage to win the next two and force a game 7, they'll be relying on their most unreliable starter this postseason, Cole Hamels, to outdeul CC in New York. Things seemed so much better Friday night. Now it's turned into a nightmare. Three more wins never seemed so daunting. This weekend sucked.

If you want to check out some highlights of teams actually playing well, here you go. I don't have the energy to write anything about them, because frankly, I had everything invested in the Phillies. Talk about a bad investment.











Oh, by the way, Brandon Jennings is all sorts of good, in case you were wondering.

Cole and Kendrick Suck, Dwyane Wade Does Not, and Draft Notes

I'm just going to come right out and say it: Right now, Cole Hamels sucks. Yes, four starts is an extremely small sample size, but you know, 36 starts isn't. That would be the amount of starts Cole has had since the beginning of last season, not including his horrific playoffs.



In his last 36 regular-season start, Hamels has pitched 218 and a third innings and given up 107 earned runs, giving him a a 4.41 ERA over that span. Last year, he was 10-11 with a 4.32 ERA and 1.29 WHIP, and opponents batted an absurdly high .273 against him. So far this season, he's been even worse. In his four starts, he's 2-2 with a 5.11 ERA and 1.30 WHIP. Opponents are hitting worse against him thus far, batting .255, but that number still isn't good. Most troubling has been how he's gotten to those numbers again.

This was supposed to be the bounceback year for Cole, where he put all the distractions aside, focused on his craft and matured. Instead through four games, he looks exactly like the underachieving pitcher from 2009 that completely imploded in the postseason. His stuff is there, good as ever, but there just seems to be that one inning, that one moment when something goes wrong and Cole comes off the tracks. It's become a troubling problem, one that seemed impossible following his impressive run in the 2008 postseason, where he earned NLCS and World Series MVP honors. Nothing rattled him then. Everything rattles him now, and has for more than a year.

In his first start this season, against the lowly Nationals, he allowed Washington to tie the game twice after his teammates gave him the lead. He did get a win and didn't pitch poorly, but it wasn't the lockdown performance you want your former ace to display. Five days later, he followed that up with another game against the Nationals in a performance that can only be described as shitty. Again, yes, he got the win, but that was thanks entirely to his bats, who bailed him out with 7 runs. Hamels dug the Phillies a 4-0 hole, highlighted by a three-run fourth where Cole got wild and came undone with two outs, giving up a two-run double to opposing pitcher Jason Marquis (though to be fair, Marquis is a great hitting pitcher).

His last outing prior to Friday, Cole finally did look the way we all want him to, the way he's supposed to, going 8 innings, giving up just two runs and striking out 8, only to lose. Crazy shit. He pitches average or worse in his first two outings and wins, then tosses a gem and loses. Still, that start gave us all hope. In his third outing of 2010, Cole Hamels looked much more like the 2008 version than the 2009. Then he took two giant steps backwards on Friday.

There was Hamels, working with a 2-0 lead in Arizona going up against the remains of Kris Benson in the 4th inning. Then bam, the wheels came off. Two-run homer to Mark Reynolds, followed immediately by an Adam LaRoche homer, followed by a single and then a third home run, this one by Chris Snyder, 5-2 Diamondbacks. Hamels gave up a fourth home run in the 5th for good measure, completing the collapse. One home run set things off. It's situations like that where you learn a lot about a pitcher. Aces go out there and more often than not respond to a home run or tough situation by coming back and getting out of it, limiting the damage. Hamels has more times than not over the past year-plus done the complete opposite, just as he did Friday night. One homer became two, then three, then four. That's all she wrote. As Bill Parcels was so fond of saying, you are what you are, and right now, for more than a year now, Cole Hamels is a shitty pitcher, an average Major League starter at best. He's still young and talented and has plenty of time this season to turn things around, but the fact of the matter is he was supposed have done that by now. We waited for it all last season and it never came. How much longer are we supposed to wait before it's determined it's never coming back? Hopefully we won't have to wait much longer. Hopefully Cole gets his shit together and becomes that ace he was destined to be. But the longer this goes on, the unlikelier that gets.

However, if you put Hamels up against Kyle Kenrick, well, he looks a whole heck of a lot better.

Let's stop with this whole "Kyle Kendrick is a Major League pitcher" joke and move on, shall we? The guy sucks. That's a fact. He doesn't belong anywhere near a major league clubhouse, unless it is to deliver hot chocolate to the real players.



Yesterday, he did his best Cole Hamels impression, imploding in the fifth inning to the tune of five runs, turning a 3-0 lead into a 5-3 deficit, and eventually the Phils lost, despite actually coming back to take the lead at 6-5, with a little help from Danys Baez and his 6.43 ERA blowing a save and David Herndon and his 7.04 ERA continuing to suck. The 5-inning, 8-hit, 5-run, 4-walk outing by Kendrick "improved" his numbers to a 7.71 ERA and 1.77 WHIP, with a .316 opponents batting average and an impressive 1:1 walk/strikeout ratio. Awesome. Joe Blanton can't get healthy soon enough. Man do I wish the Phillies really did trade Kyle Kendrick to Japan.



Even an injured Cliff Lee looks more impressive than Kendrick and Hamels right now.

Speaking of looking impressive, I hope you were all watching what Dwyane Wade did yesterday. If you didn't you missed quite a show.



The Celtics, trailing by six at halftime, turned it on in the third quarter, taking a lead into the fourth. Then Wade, who was already having a great game, went bonkers. He completely took over, refused to let his season end, hitting every conceivable shot you could imagine. With 25 seconds remaining in the third, Boston took a commanding 75-68 lead, which looked as though it had turned the tide in Boston's favor. Then Wade came out with a three to close the quarter, then hit a two, then hit another three, cutting Boston's lead to one. After Sheed hit a free throw, Wade made yet another three, giving Miami a 79-78 lead, and that was that. The Heat never looked back, as Wade dropped two more threes before it was all said and done, hit some free throws and jumpers, and kept his Miami Heat career alive for at least one more game. He finished with 46 points on 16-24 shooting, made five three pointers, grabbed five boards and passed off five assists. It was simply remarkable.

As Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson said during the broadcast, even if LeBron wasn't a free agent, teams would be shedding salary and opening up their cap space to sign Wade, he's that good. Sometimes people may forget that, with LeBron (understandably) receiving all the pub, all the hype. But in case you needed a reminder, Dwyane Wade is pretty damn good too. Shit, the guy is shooting nearly 60 percent from the field in this series, and yesterday he won that game practically on his own. It was awesome to watch.

Now let's touch on the draft a little bit. As Ed said on Friday, this was one of the most confusing first rounds in NFL Draft history, and it didn't get any less confusing for us Eagles fans over the weekend.

There was a plethora of talent in this class, especially at the safety position. A slew of familiar faces patrolling the secondary were available, and the Eagles definitely needed a safety. I really wanted Taylor Mays, given his size, speed and the fact he hits like a truck, but the guy was falling quickly on the draft boards, including Philadelphia's. The Birds picked Nate Allen, who by all accounts is going to be really good and fits exactly what the Eagles need: a playmaker in the secondary with the ball-hawking skills and range to make a great pass defender. I'm excited to see him play, though I was bummed that out of all the safeties out there, the Eagles drafted the one I knew the least about. I didn't watch South Florida play much the past couple years, but hard to argue with the pick.



I was more than stunned that the Eagles took another defensive end with their third pick, taking Daniel Te'o-Nesheim out of Washington. Perhaps this is prejudice, but all I think of when I hear his name is Chris Gocong. I can only hope he's a hell of a lot better than Gocong. A couple rounds later, they picked a third defensive end, Ricky Sapp out of Clemson, who was without question a value pick at that point. It was odd seeing them go with three defensive ends, but Sapp has a ton of talent as well, so I really liked the pick. They also got a corner in Trevard Lindley from Kentucky, picked up linebacker Keenan Clayton from Oklahoma, quarterback Mike Kafka from Northwestern, tight end Clay Harbor from Missouri, as well as three guys in the seventh round that more than likely won't make the team.

Two of the more intriguing picks to me though happened late as well. Riley Cooper is a tall, lanky receiver that could challenge Hank Baskett for that fourth wide receiver spot, perhaps perfecting the fade pattern in the end zone we heard so much about with Baskett but never actually saw. And Charles Scott out of LSU, the bruising back, could provide a nice developmental complement to LeSean McCoy, Mike Bell and Leonard Weaver with his big, physical style. If he can play special teams at all, I suspect this will be the end of the Eldra Buckley era. It's always nice to bring a short-yardage back into the fold given this team's struggles in that area during the Andy Reid era.

As far as Penn Staters go, Jared Odrick went in the first round to Miami (28 overall), joining Cameron "don't call me Derek" Wake. Sean Lee kept up the tradition of accomplished Penn State linebackers getting drafted by NFC East teams not named the Eagles, going in the second round (55 overall) to the hated Cowboys, following in the footsteps of LaVar Arrington (Washington) and Brandon Short (Giants). Unlike Short and Arrington though, Lee was never one of favorite players, though is all sorts of good.

Speaking of Penn State linebackers, Navorro Bowman went to the Niners in the 3rd round (91 overall) in what can only be considered stunning to me. I'm stunned that Bowman wasn't taken in the 2nd round, because he has late first-round/early second talent. And stunned that Lee went before him. But I really like where Bowman ended up, and I think I'm really going to like the 49ers. They now have Navorro, Patrick Willis, Michael Robinson and drafted Taylor Mays as well, giving them four players I absolutely love.

Rounding out the Penn Staters, Andrew Quarless went to the Packers in the 5th round (154 overall), and that could be a steal. Quarless entered Penn State as a highly touted, highly talented tight end prospect, and he showed flashes of brilliance early on. Then he got in the dog house, getting in trouble and being an immature kid. But in his senior year, he quietly had a really, really good season, doing all the things he was expected to do. At 6'4", 254, he has the size to play in this league, and his speed allows him to get out in patterns and beat his man. He should become a very good pass catching tight end in the NFL. He has to work on his blocking no doubt, but I think Quarless could be a potential steal down the line. Green Bay may not be the best fit with their talent at the position, but don't be surprise if in a couple years Quarless turns out to be everything L.J. Smith was supposed to be. That's who Quarless sort of reminds you of, an L.J. Smith guy, talent wise and even with the struggles. Hopefully he'll put it all together and become the reliable, consistent player L.J. couldn't. He does have this going for him: Unlike L.J., Quarless can actually hang on to the ball.

Mickey Shuler also got drafted but will probably never play, going in the 7th round (214 overall) to Minnesota, and in the single stupidest move ever, the Rams selected Josh Hull in the 7th (254 overall), just wasting everyone's time. Josh Hull is an awful football player who was too slow and took too poor of angles to the football in college. There is absolutely no shot he can be even remotely effective in the NFL. If he sees a single snap in a regular season game, I just may quit watching football forever (no I won't). He sucks. I hate him. And the Rams are assholes for even letting that guy get his named called.

Oh, and Daryll Clark didn't get drafted. Because he's a choke artist. Kind of like Cole and Kendrick these days. Basically, the complete opposite of Dwyane Wade.

This Town is Big Enough for 2 Roys

I hated the Cliff Lee trade No. 2. Everything about it. That moronic decision to trade the greatest man who ever lived, combined with Raul Ibanez's ill-advised contract, the Joe Blanton extension, the Jamie Moyer extension that unnecessarily included a second year and the Danys Baez signing, put me at my wit's end. Then …



Talk about pulling yourself out of a self-imposed hole. The Phillies absolutely robbed the Astros blind with this deal. Roy Oswalt, a former 20-game winner who currently has a 3.42 ERA, 1.109 WHIP and 120 strikeouts to just 34 walks in 129 innings, is now a Philadelphia Phillie. All the Phils had to give up was J.A. Happ — a young lefty who has pitched very well for the Phillies, but a guy who also throws very straight pitches, has probably overachieved thus far, and is coming off an injury that took him forever to recover from, rendering him so ineffective that he wasn't even recalled to the big club when he was healthy — and marginal prospects Anthony Gose and Jonathan Villar. Oh, and the Astros are paying $11 million of Oswalt's remaining contract. Thanks, Ed Wade!



You can complain all you want about the Phils trading away Cliff Lee — god knows I have — but it's evident that Ruben and the Phils realized they made a mistake, so they did their best to go out and correct it. Look at the top of the rotation now, compared to both 2008 and 2009. In 08, when the Phils became World Fucking Champions, their top three were Cole Hamels, Brett Myers and Jamie Moyer, with Joe Blanton as the No. 4. Last year, it was Cliff Lee, Hamels, Pedro Martinez, and then Blanton. Now, they have Roy Halladay, Cole Hamels and Roy Oswalt, followed again by Blanton. And they have that Roy, Cole, Roy combo for at least this year and next, potentially for 2012 as well. Right now, the Phillies rotation is a lot better than it was in 2008 or 2009, and it's one that will be together for at least two runs toward October. We now have the Royz N the Hood.



Just like that, the Phillies have gone from dead in the water merely a week ago to within 2.5 games of Atlanta for first place in National League East and 1.5 games of San Francisco for the Wild Card. Suddenly, they are the NL East favorites again, hell, the National League Pennant favorites again. And potentially World Series favorites — no starting rotation boasts as fearsome a trio as Halladay-Hamels-Oswalt. Sure, the Yankees, Rays, Giants and Cardinals have some big names and great pitchers, and the Padres and Rangers have excellent rotations, but three guys as good as Roy, Cole and Roy? I don't know about that.

That doesn't mean the Phillies are destined for their third straight trip to the World Series. Not by a long shot. In fact, they still have work to do just to make it to the postseason. But this move again proved that the Phillies aren't scared to make big moves, that Ruben Amaro and company are determined to give this team a chance to continue its recent success. Say what you will about several of his moves, most notably Cliff Lee No. 2, but Ruben has shown some brass balls these past few years. And in the past year alone, he's brought in three 20-game winners — Cliff Lee last year, Roy Halladay this offseason and Roy Oswalt now. Actually, make that four, if you want to include Pedro Martinez. That's three Cy Young winners and another 20-game winner, a remarkable feat no matter how you slice it.

Just as I was beginning to get excited about the Eagles, the Phillies go make a big splash. There's nothing but excitement once again in the air at Citizens Bank Park. The Phillies are hot, starting their annual second-half tear, now winners of eight straight. They're right within striking distance of first place. Roy Halladay has been everything we expected and more. Cole Hamels has returned to form. And even with the offense struggling and the injuries piling up, the team is still afloat. Domonic Brown finally made his long-awaited debut in impressive fashion. And now Roy Oswalt is a Phillie, making his first start for the Fightins tonight in D.C., just like the other Roy did, beating the Nationals 11-1 all the way back on April 5 by tossing 7 innings of 6-hit, one-run ball with 9 strikeouts. Now it's the other Roy's turn.

Believe me, this town is big enough for the both of them. It's still a great time to be a Phillies fan. If the bullpen can hold up and the offense starts to produce like it can — and the team gets healthy — there's no reason the Phils can't get back to the World Series for a third straight time.

Welcome to Philadelphia, Roy. We're happy to have you.