Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Would You Eat a Mustard Packet for $10?

I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: I've been the black cloud hanging over the 2011 Phillies. So once again, I was in attendance as the Phillies suffered yet another loss, with Roy Halladay uncharacteristically walking four batters and taking the loss.

I mean, before I was even completely settled, Roy had given up a leadoff double to Rafael Furcal, let him advance to third on a passed ball, scored on a ground out and then gave up a home run to Lance Berkman. Not even an inning in the books and the Cards were up 2-0. And here I thought Doc would clinch home field throughout the playoffs with ease. After all, the guy was on the mound last season when the Phils clinched the NL East with a dominating performance against the Nationals and again on the mound when the Phillies clinched a playoff berth this year. But it was not to be, probably because I was there.

The only wins I've seen this year were when Vance Worley was pitching. That's a pretty remarkable feat given that Halladay and Cliff Lee have been in the Cy Young conversation, Cole Hamels has had an all-star season and Roy Oswalt is on the team. But that's just the way things have gone for me this year.

On the other side, the Cards hit Halladay hard all game, led by Lance Berkman, who was 2-for-2 with the aforementioned home run and another RBI hit, and former Phillie Kyle Lohse picked up the win with 7 and a third of one-run ball, with that run being unearned. I still can't believe the Phils let him walk and allowed Adam Eaton to remain in the rotation for a short while, but I guess it all worked out in the end.

Oh, another former Phillie, Nick Punto, also scored a run and was the one who drove in Furcal with an RBI ground out.

For once, I'd love to see a former Philadelphia athlete not do well against the team he used to play for. It always seems like those guys kill the Phillies (or Eagles or Flyers or Sixers) every time they play them.

Even with the loss, the Phils clinched home field throughout the postseason because the Brewers lost, making the remaining games in the regular season completely meaningless in the standings. Thus the boredom starts to set in, as it did last night, seeing as clinching home field was all but inevitable at some point.

So with the Phillies losing and the atmosphere really not very electric until the 9th-inning comeback that came up a run short, silver fox, Toonces and I had to find a way to entertain ourselves.

Since it was dollar dog night, we had purchased a few hot dogs and grabbed several packets of condiments. That led to me offering silver fox or Toonces, whoever accepted first, $10 to eat a packet of mustard — plastic packet and all. Toonces gladly accepted, then proceeded to struggle for nearly three full innings to get the thing down. A few times, he looked as though he was going to puke. But I'll be damned if he didn't actually eat an entire mustard packet including the plastic.

I then jumped at the opportunity to get $3 of the $10 I paid Toonces back by eating three peanuts shell and all, which is a no-brainer. Hell, my cousin always eats peanuts shells and all because he is weird as shit. Eventually, that led to me offering silver fox the opportunity to eat an entire paper Coke cup for $3, but he wisely declined.

Did I mention that we're all 27 and 28 years old? We are. Yet that's what we still subject ourselves to, because we are idiots. And that Phillies game was boring as hell until the 9th inning.

Anyway, go read about what pitcher I'd choose with my life on the line over at Ed the Sports Fan as well as who the rest of the crew would choose.

But the even bigger question than who you would choose is if you'd eat an entire mustard packet, plastic and all, for $10.

1 comment:

  1. 2 things...

    #1. Do me a favor and attend all three games vs. Atlanta to end the season...yanno, so we can make the playoffs. Please and thanks. #TomahawkChop

    #2. You and your boys are some got damn fools. LOL, next time take video.