Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Sixers Gunned Down by Wizards

What, too soon?

I don't know what else to tell you about this team besides they suck. There are no two ways around it. Yes, the team has some talent in the likes of Allen Iverson, Andre Iguodala, Thaddeus Young, Louis Williams, Marreese Speight and Jrue Holiday, and yes, the corpse of Elton Brand is a former all-star, and yes, Samuel Dalembert has all the athletic ability in the world. But as a team, these guys stink. They play no defense, can't rebound, have no coach, and generally have no clue. They're terrible. And their record shows exactly what this team has shown on the court: 10-24, 14th in the East, aka fucking terrible.

With the Sixers up 14 at half, I turned the game off and focused on the Orange Bowl, along with Texas-Arkansas. When I checked the score before bed, I saw the Sixers had lost. I was pretty stunned, but not completely surprised, for all the reasons mentioned above. Turns out, the Sixers were leading 90-86 with less than 6 minutes to play when the Wizards went on a 10-0 run to essentially ice the game. Nothing like letting the Wizards out on a 10-0 run late in the game.

Seeing as I didn't watch the second half, when the Sixers turned a 58-44 lead into a 104-97 loss, I'm not exactly sure what went wrong, but I'll take a hunch from looking over the box score. Gilbert Arenas came out guns 'a blazing, putting up 19 points and dishing out 14 assists. Checking out Lou Will's stats, I can only assume he continued to use all his energy on offense and take every possession off on defense: 8-13 from the field, 19 points, and 0 serious attempts to stop Arenas. That looks about right.

Image courtesy of uncle jellyfish

Hmmm, what else do I see? Antawn Jamison putting up player of the game numbers: 32 points, 13-20 from the field, 5-5 from the line, 14 boards. Let's see, Elton Brand/Marreese Speights combined: 14 points, 5-11 from the field, 4-10 from the line, 6 rebounds. Throw in starting "power forward" Thaddeus Young and you get some even more impressive stats: 19 points, 6-17 from the field, 7-16 from the line, 8 rebounds. If my math is correct, Jamison outscored all three players who play power forward for the Sixers combined by 13 points and outrebounded them by six. Combined. I'll say that again, combined. Thad shot 1-6 and grabbed two measly boards. Plus, he missed half his free throws. Brand was even more pussy-ish, grabbing a grand total of one rebound in 23-plus minutes. One. You gonna call yourself out for being a worthless piece of shit against a horrible team, Elton? Of course you aren't, because you're an asshole. Die. Oh, my bad, you did contribute … by scoring 9 points and missing 5 of your 8 free throw attempts. I can make more than three of eight from the line lefthanded and with my eyes closed (and I'm righthanded)! You suck. And Speights gave the Sixers a fantastic 5 points on 2-6 shooting, though he did outrebound Brand and Young combined, with his 5 in 12 minutes. Awesome.

It seems Andre Iguodala (20 points, 8-12 fg, 3-4 ft, 6 boards, 8 assists, 4 steals) and Samuel Dalembert (20 points, 8-13 fg, 4-4 ft, 20 rebounds) did all they could, but not a single other Sixer gave them any help. Yes, Lou Will had 19 points, but he also had five turnovers and "guarded" Arenas. Allen Iverson was awful, shooting 2-6 and turning the ball over 7 times. And not a single bench player did much of anything. Though to be fair, Speights was a +10 and only got 12 minutes despite committing just one foul because Eddie Jordan is a fucking retard. And Rodney Carney was a +5 in his 8 minutes, but it was 8 minutes and it's Rodney Carney. Oh, and the Sixers shot 14-24 from the line. That's 58.3 percent. I'm not even making that up. Pathetic.

What we learned from this game is that the Sixers are worse than a team that has two players who pull guns on each other, and that Nick Young (21 points, 9-14 from the field, 2-2 from three) is better than Thad Young, at least when they play each other.

And Eddie Jordan sucks at life. After all, he's the one who guided the Wizards into the ground. It's only a matter of time before Jason Kapono and Jason Smith are drawing firearms on each other for betting on who'd see more playing time. Watching this team makes my eyes bleed.

BallHype: hype it up!

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