Friday, January 8, 2010

Cowboys? Eagles? Playoffs? Time for the Hate

Today, a co-worker of mine came to my desk and began to discuss the Phillies' pitching and asking if I am at all concerned about the lack of bullpen arms and the horrible excuses the Phillies are trotting out there as potential fifth starters. We discussed the topic for a pretty substantial length of time.

I bring this all up because tomorrow the Eagles will take on the Cowboys in the $1 billion palace in the playoffs. Yet here we were talking about the Phillies. Oh how the times have changed. Then again, that's what happens when one team wins a championship, then gets back there the very next year, then goes out and gets the best pitcher in all of baseball … while the other loses in disheartening fashion again, then fails to re-sign its emotional leader and best player at his position ever for the franchise, then loses to the Cowboys, and then loses to the Cowboys again by laying an egg in only the most important game of the entire season. But you know what, fuck that shit! This is Eagles-Dallas, in the playoffs. Time for the hate!

I hate everything about the Cowboys. Everything. Their uniforms. Their owner. Every single one of their damn players. Their star. Their coach. Their fans. Everything. And rightfully so. You are arrogant organization with a bunch of arrogant, idiotic fans under 40 who had no idea who the Dallas Cowboys were before 1993. Oh no, some asshole, terrible propagandist spit on our star! On a football field! How dare someone spit on our field! Die. A slow, horrible, painful death. Every single one of you. Your team doesn't even play in Dallas. They play in Arlington. You are the Arlington Cowboys. It's almost as bad as the Giants playing in New Jersey. Everything about you is a lie.

Oh sure, you have your fancy 5 Super Bowls and your 24-0 shutout to brag about. You know what else you have? Huh? Do you? An overrated quarterback with exactly ZERO playoff wins.

You know what else you have? An incompetent, overweight coach with exactly ZERO playoff wins. As in none, nada, zilch. Suck on that. You fucks.

As for you, Philadelphia Eagles. You assholes better get your shit together. You've already ruined two weekends for me (actually, three!), and sure as shit better not do it again. There is no excuse to lose to the Cowboys three times in one season. None. And yes, I'm talking to you, Sean McDermott and the defense. You better man the fuck up and leave that pussy shit at home. Hit Romo. Hit him square in the mouth. All game long. Do that, and you know his sorry ass will fold.

And yes, I'm talking to you offensive line, do your damn job and block somebody.

And yes, I'm talking to you, receivers. Run the right routes and catch the damn ball.

And finally, yes, I'm talking to you Donovan McNabb. After all, you wouldn't want your last game (Ed note: I do not believe in any way, shape or form McNabb is done after this postseason as an Eagle to be a third straight loss to the Cowboys, do you? Of course not. Losing your last two games, both at the hands of Dallas, is hardly a way to leave a lasting impression. (Seriously, McNabb will be back next year. He just will.) Get your head out of your ass, make some good throws and use those damn legs. I don't want to see any overthrows. None. I don't want see and passes behind the receiver. Not one. And I sure as shit don't want to see any god damn grounders. Nothing but perfectly placed balls hitting your playmakers in stride, got it? And run every once in a while if you have to. You have legs for a reason, you know.

So man the fuck up and win, you bunch of assholes. This is the playoffs. Time to prove you can actually beat a playoff team this season (something you failed to do during the regular season). Just fucking win.

For real.

So far, we're off to a good start, thanks to Sports Illustrated.

Hopefully the SI jinx will be in full effect, the Eagles will win and all will be right with the world. Because I cannot handle losing to the Cowboys again. Fuck the Cowboys. I hate them so very much.


BallHype: hype it up!

1 comment:

  1. The hatred is overwhelming.

    You know, I rarely talk trash before an Eagles game, and tomorrow will be no different. Okay, it will be right before the game, but out of respect (and fear) of my favorite player of all-time, I always think the Eagles have a great shot to beat us. I just find it hard to believe we will beat the Eagles three times in a season. Then again, with a new decade comes new opportunities. We shall see. I would make a wager with you, but I don't hate the Eagles enough for it to be equal. With that said...