At Least the Phillies Can't Lose Today

As you are all well aware of, the Phillies just finished off a craptastic week by getting swept by the worst team in the American League East, the Baltimore Orioles, extending their losing streak to 6 games, thanks to getting swept at home by the Blue Jays and Orioles.



Awesome. And as if that wasn't enough of a slap in the face, this morning, when I awoke to get my daily shower, I turned on the water and nothing but ice water came out. I cranked that shit all the way over to the hottest possible setting. No dice. Still colder than the Phillies at home this year. So yeah, I had a 30-second shower that got me about as clean as Anna Benson's lady parts.



What a wonderful start to the week.

Not that the weekend was any better. After the Bastardo didn't look so magnificent Friday (although he didn't pitch terrible either), I had the unfortunate displeasure of attending the game on Saturday. A friend of mine is getting married, and the lovely bride and groom to be had a joint party starting at Chickie's and Pete's for a food and boozefest, culminating at the Phils game Saturday night.

Well, the majority of the party was coming down on a bus from Bucks County, because they are all suckers that live in the northern suburbs. I, being a Philadelphia resident, simply hopped on the subway and hoofed it the couple blocks to Chickie's. Turns out, the bus was delayed, so I began drinking alone a solid half hour before the rest of the party arrived. The rain was coming down, the party was late and I was drinking solo — I should have taken this as a bad omen.

But stupid me instead had a great time getting drunk and eating food, then getting even more drunk in the parking lot as the skies cleared and then getting even more drunk inside the stadium.



I watched as J.A. Happ struggled with his control yet somehow kept the Orioles from busting the game open. He routinely skirted around trouble, though the Phils fell behind 3-0. And in our section in the bleachers, as I was away fetching a beer, a woman who clearly could not handle her alcohol puked all over our seats. Pleasant. Then, one of the partygoers got into a funnel cake food fight, covering plenty of people in powdered sugar. Time to get the hell out of there.

Lucky for me, a few friends of mine were sitting up in section 422 with a couple extra tickets, so I gladly joined them. Moments later, the Phillies mounted their comeback with a leadoff double by Shaner, followed by a double to plate him by Chase, a single by Stairs, a pop out by Werth and a single by Dobbs plating Utley to make it 3-2 Orioles. Then, the flu-stricken Ryan Howard came in to pinch-hit, at which time I turned to my buddy and said, "He's definitely striking out right here."

Um, not exactly. Instead, Howard crushed a 3-run bomb to center to give the Phils a 5-3 lead.



I should know better than to question the big man. Finally, I was feeling good, happy and drunk. That's a great trio. But that quickly faded, as Ryan Madson did his best Jose Mesa impression, coughing up a 2-run lead by allowing two home runs — a solo shot to 38-year-old Greg Zaun, he of the 1 home run prior to that this year, and a two-run bomb to Brian Roberts, he of the 68 career home runs in nine seasons (that's less than 8 home runs per year, by the way).

Now, I have to admit, I was pushing for Ryan Madson to take on the closer role and sending Brad Lidge to the DL until he sorted out his issues. In fact, I thought the Phils should have done it a lot sooner, seeing as Madson was dealing and Lidge was sucking. Well, now I see why the Phils were waiting so long. Madson has been every bit as horrible as the unhealthy Brad Lidge was earlier this year, and Saturday was just another display that he isn't ready for the role.



The Phillies need Brad Lidge to get healthy and get back as soon as possible. Madson has proven he can't handle the role, the rest of the bullpen has been asked to do more than they're capable of, and the relievers that were so reliable last season are looking more and more shaky by the minute. This team is struggling right now, and they need to get healthy and right and back to form badly.

Luckily, the rest of the division is playing just about as awful as the Phils, so here we are, with the Phillies still holding a 2-game lead in the division.

But something's gotta give here sooner or later. When the team's hitting, they aren't pitching at all. And the few times they actually get good pitching, the bats go silent. Like yesterday. With Cole Hamels flat-out dealing, the Phils managed just three hits off Orioles starter Jeremy Guthrie (he of the 5.09 ERA) through seven innings and just four the entire game, wasting a brilliant 8-inning, 2-run, 10-strikeout gem by Hamels to cap off the sweep with a 2-1 loss.

That's frustrating. I know that this time of year is the Phils' annual suck donkey balls against the AL in interleague play stretch that inevitably creeps up, but damn, six straight losses and 8 defeats in the last 9 games — all at home — is beyond terrible. I mean, the Phils now are 13-22 at home, just one game better than the freakin Nationals, who have the worst home record in baseball at 12-23.

Why do you hate us so much this year guys? Going to a Phils home game right now is like waking up and finding out there's no hot water for the shower. Frankly, I'm getting sick and tired of it.