Thursday, June 25, 2009

Meet the Moron

You want to know what drives me nuts? Stupid baseball. You know makes me almost as mad? Stupid announcing. Well, last night, we got both thanks to Jayson Werth.

For those of you who don’t know where I’m going with this, break out the DVR and skip to the 4th inning of last night’s game. Matt Garza started the inning by walking three straight batters – first Shane Victorino, then Chase Utley and then Ryan Howard – to load the bases with no one out. So what does Jayson Werth do? He swings at the first fucking pitch and grounds into a 5-2-3 double play. Then Matt Stairs struck out to end the inning.

Now, no matter how you look at it, after a pitcher just walked three straight batters to load the bases, it’s a stupid God damn baseball play to swing at the first pitch. Seriously, Corky from Life Goes On was screaming at Werth, “What are you doing you fucking retard?” Unless you hit a grand slam, it’s not even a good play. I mean, the guy just WALKED THE FIRST THREE BATTERS OF THE INNING!!!!!!

Werth should be benched for swinging at that pitch. Or at least brutally tortured until he vowed to never do it again. And if he ever does do it again, he should be banished from baseball forever. That’s how fucking stupid that play is.

Almost equally as stupid was the comments made by Tom McCarthy and Gary Matthews. In the next inning, McCarthy went on to say there are two schools of thought there in Werth’s situation – the school that you shouldn’t swing after watching Garza struggle to throw strikes and the school that he’s going to groove a fastball, so you can crush it. Well, McCarthy was right on one count – there are two schools of thought there: the right thought and the wrong thought. Swinging at the first pitch is simply a no-no, especially when down 2-0, where even just one run would be huge, and, you know, the GUY JUST FUCKING WALKED THE BASES LOADED!!!! Stop fucking sugar-coating it and call a spade a spade, McCarthy. I swear, if anyone thinks Tom McCarthy is even an adequate baseball announcer, I’d like to punch them right in their stupid face. Tom McCarthy sucks.

To top things off, Sarge decides to add his brilliant 2 cents to the topic. After replaying the horrible, indefensible play in the 6th, Sarge actually said, I shit you not, that Werth "almost hit that one really hard," as if that was a good thing. He grounded out into a double play and caused the Phillies to get absolutely no runs out of a bases-loaded, no-out inning in which the pitcher walked the first three batters. Then, after watching it again, he said you "hope he could pull that foul" there. No, no you don’t. You hope that he wouldn’t be a god damned moron. You hope he would have the common sense and baseball acumen to take a strike, you know, after watching the pitcher just walk the first three batters ahead of you to start the fucking inning.

Fuck. I fucking hate stupidity. And I hate anyone who tries to defend such stupidity. To top things off, Werth decided to get two hits later in the game, with no one on base, the solo home run in the 7th and a two-out single in the 9th. And guess what? He didn't swing at the first pitch in either at bat. Go figure. Brilliant fucking baseball there, Jayson, you fucking tart.


BallHype: hype it up!


  1. I must agree it's pretty stupid baseball, sir. I'm almost glad I missed it, but after reading your play-by-play, it would have infuriated me as well.

  2. Werth has been driving me crazy this year. It seems everytime I watch, he never gets hits, but apparently he leads the team in average with RISP. I find it hard to believe.

    Speaking of announcing, did you hear wheeler say "rock around the cock" instead of "clcok" on tuesday night, maybe 8th inning. haha.

  3. Dude I freaked the fuck out... my girlfriend was like calm down and I said I will not calm down that should never fucking happen. Especially with the infield conceding a run by playing back. Bases loaded nobody out and we don't scratch across a run and on top of that keep Matt Garza's no-no alive.

    Walking three straight batters and swinging at the first pitch is ridiculous follwed by the even more ridiculous Tom McCarthy. HK is a hard act to follow, but we seriously need a decent baseball announcer.

  4. TO, I agree with every last word you just said.

  5. Even my wife was yelling at the TV as soon as he swung.

  6. The Ghost of Harry KalasJune 28, 2009 at 2:38 PM

    Tom McCarthy sucks balls!!! You also CANNOT TRUST HIM either! Don't forget he left the Phillies to go broadcast for the hated Mets.... then came crawling back.