Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Jan Jagla Will Break You

Hey, any of you ever heard of Jan Jagla? No? I don't blame you. He isn't a very memorable fellow.

Jagla is a 7'0, German-born basketball player who spent three years on the Penn State basketball team. He was, for all intents and purposes, one of the worst players in the history of college basketball. I am not making this up. It is fact.

Jagla ventured overseas to Penn State in 2001, where he was a freshman on a putrid team. The Nittany Lions went 7-21 overall, 3-13 in the Big Ten and 0-12 on the road. Jagla, the prized recruit, played in 24 of those games, averaging 7.4 points and 5.8 rebounds in 24.8 minutes a night. Inspiring, I know.

As a sophomore — my freshman year at Penn State — Penn State stayed just as awful, duplicating their 7-21 record from the year before (2-14 in the Big Ten, 0-11 on the road). Jagla, the big man who was supposed to have a great touch and plenty of skill, averaged a whopping 9.3 points and 6.8 boards in 25.6 minutes a night. He shot 39.8 percent from the field. At seven feet tall. 39.8 percent. Seriously. How is that even possible for a seven footer? I'll tell you how: Jagla never, ever went inside. And why would he? He was only seven feet tall, after all. What. A. Douche.

During that freshman year of college, Arkansas Fred and I routinely played basketball at the IM building with some friends. Practically every day in fact. One of the perks of living in East Halls, a short walk to the IM building. A few times, players from the Penn State basketball team would show up. Brandon Watkins was the balls, just killing people on the court, but honestly, it was almost as if there were better players just playing pickup than the guys who wore the school's uniforms.

Jan Jagla was one of the people who made me think this way. When he showed up at the IM Building, he did nothing but hover around the three-point line and pretty much suck. We played against him, watched him play against others, and besides the fact that he was 7 feet tall, you could hardly notice him. Translation: Jan Jagla sucked.

Jagla sucked so much that after a slightly less awful junior season (13.4 points, 7.9 rebounds — still 43.5 percent shooting) in which the Lions improved to an outstanding 9-19 overall and actually winning a game on the road, he left the school and went back to Europe.

All this brings me to an email I received from one of said friends who used to play ball with me all the time in college. It read:

Remember that time Jan Jagla was playing at the IM building and he wasn't good? Apparently he's good enough to lead Germany over Russia.

He then kindly provided this link:

Earlier, Germany upset defending champion Russia 76-73 behind 19 points and 11 rebounds from Jan-Hendrik Jagla.

Jan-Hendrik Jagla. As in Jan Jagla. From Penn State. The same player that I saw completely and utterly suck at the IM Building. He's still alive, and not only that — he actually plays professionally in Europe. I'm not making this up. I couldn't even if I tried.

Russians must be really horrible at basketball.

BallHype: hype it up!


  1. your a dumbass. you really have nothing better to do than rip this guy? 13 points and 8 rebounds in the Big 10 sucks?! hahahahahaa your outta your mind. Get a life.

  2. Who knew Jan Jagla read this blog.