Correspondence With a Red Sox Fan

Like the majority of people outside of New England, I have a general dislike toward Boston sports teams and their fans. However, I am actually good friends with a die-hard Red Sox fan from Maine who I met in college.

And when I say he's a die-hard Red Sox, I mean to the core. He eats, breathes and sleeps Red Sox (and alcohol, lots of alcohol). He is also a big, frightening human being who could easily kill any living thing with his bare hands. I am certain of this. He's like Paul Bunyan on steroids. Or maybe Babe.



Anyway, he's a scary dude, but I like to fuck with him from time to time, especially when he starts it.

Well, Monday night, he started it. Right after Shane and Stairs each hit 2-run homers in the eighth, my friend from Maine sent me this message:

i am sorry...but i dont see how the nl could even begin to match up w the al...the pitching alone takes it down 3 notches. nl starting pitching is a joke.....

To which I replied:

Yeah cuz beckett's been real good.

He sent back:

haha-almost as good as moyer...dont u worry chump, beckett will come-and what wins baseball titles??? PITCHING

And you know what, he's right. Pitching does win titles. And right now, Boston has absolutely none beyond Dice K. In the last three games of the ALCS, three straight losses mind you, the Red Sox have surrendered 9, 9 and 13 runs. Beckett got shelled for 8 earned runs in 4 1/3 innings Saturday, Lester surrendered 5 runs, 4 earned, in 5 2/3 and ex-Phillie Paul Byrd followed with 4 runs in 3 1/3 in game three, and last night, Tim Wakefield got shelled for 5 runs in 2 2/3 of an inning. And the bullpen sucked too, giving up eight more earned runs.

So with all that going on last night, I sent my friend from the north this message:

What was that u said about nl pitching?

His response brought out the typical Boston retort you'd expect:

hes a knuckle ball pitcher u fuck....thought u were smarter than that fag....we used our shit portion bullpen to take the loss....either way u fucking idiot, u

and

keep praying-ur shot for philly championship is as good as the scent of my big shit on ur aunts chest

and

eat my ass flumbo

and, finally, a realization that, just like the Phillies, the Tampa Bay Rays are up 3-1, just one win away from going to the World Series and getting rid of all things Boston, Manny included:

kill me please....what a joke-so much better than this

Now, I normally don't take joy in the misery of my friends (OK, sometimes I do), but this makes me incredibly happy to see someone else suffering. And tonight, our suffering could get one step closer to vanishing, as the ace, Cole Hamels, take the mound with a chance to send the Phils to the World Series.



If he does, it will only take 4 more wins to reach the unreachable. So go out there and dominate, Cole. Show my friend that the NL pitching is far superior than the joke of a performance Boston is putting forth. Show you are the ace of the playoffs. And punch that ticket to the World Series.

LET'S GO PHILS!!!!!