You see, Arkansas Fred severely disappointed his friends and myself. First, he refused to buy World Series tickets with a friend of mine and myself, citing the reason that he did not want to spend the kind of money we wound up spending. This is a horrible reason because Arkansas Fred is a 25 year old male who lives with his parents. Thus, his expenses are of the bare minimum. The asshole doesn't even have student loans to pay off.
Then, when the Phillies finally won the World Series, something he and I and the rest of us had waited our entire lives for, Arkansas Fred did not show up for the parade. While I was skipping work for two days to celebrate and make sure I was at that parade, Arkansas Fred was in Bucks County acting like a scared little pussy. I work at an actual company. He works at a supermarket. A kid with a college degree refused to skip working at a supermarket for the Phillies parade. That is inexcusable. That moron should be willing to get fired from a job he's had since high school to go that parade. Maybe then he could actually get a real job and move out of his parents' house.
But Arkansas Fred simply decided he'd rather suck at life than celebrate a Phillies championship. He is a jackass, you see. But, seeing as none of these other deadbeats around here write anything, I've decided to allow Arkansas Fred to come back if he so chooses. He does write some clever things, and he's the one who will have to live the rest of his life knowing he sucks.
There are a few stipulations though. Arkansas Fred is not allowed to write about the 2008 World Fucking Champion Phillies. If he does, the second I see the post, it will be pulled. Second, he cannot even write about the Phillies at all until spring training, and even then, he cannot write about the 2008 World Champions. That is his punishment.
So welcome back Arkansas Fred whenever he gets around to returning. And give him shit for being such a pussy. I sure as hell will.
Oh yeah, and no Matt Holliday. Fuck.
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