Monday, January 12, 2009

It's Pretty Sunny in Philadelphia

I'd like to make an admission: I'm 24 years old, soon to be 25, and in my lifetime, Philadelphia has always played second fiddle to New York in the sports landscape.

There was the Yankees winning championship after championship, while the Phillies were on their way to 10,000 losses. The Giants won not one, but two Super Bowls since my birth, while the Eagles repeatedly came up short. And the Rangers won a Stanley Cup while the Flyers failed to reach the promised land. Sure, the Knicks really haven't done squat, but neither have the Sixers.

That is all just a way to say, when it came to sports—my one true passion in life—New York was always better. Well, today, rejoice Philadelphians, because we fucking own New York right now. The Yankees? Haven't won a World Series since the turn of the century and didn't even make the playoffs last year. The Mets? Choking frauds. The Phillies? World Fucking Champions, bitches!

And the dominance doesn't end there. You see, the Flyers, despite having played two less games, sit a point ahead of the Rangers, who started off red hot and are now searching for answers. Not to mention, you know, the Flyers made the Eastern Conference finals last year while the Rangers, um, did not.

Just as Scott Gomez is chasing Mike Richards above, the Rangers are chasing the first-place Flyers

And there was yesterday. Oh, how glorious it was. While I was in North Jersey, an old, hilarious Giants fan repeatedly let it be known that the Eagles "suck moose cock." As he described, "Moose cock is the biggest cock, and the Eagles suck moose cock."

Well, the moose cocksuckers completely dismantled Eli Manning. Provoking the many variations of the Eli face.

I wonder what kind of cock Eli and his teammates are sucking right now. Whatever it is, Tom Coughlin looks ready.

What I'm trying to say is, New York, you suck. Philly owns your ass right now. World Series? Got it. Still alive in the NFL? Check. First place in the NHL? You betcha. Fuck off you living the past, talk about the future and ignore the present jerkoffs. I couldn't be happier to see you lose, yet again, and fall farther behind the World Champion Philadelphians.

Things were so grim that on our trip back to Philly, a car was completely engulfed in flames going northbound on the Jersey Turnpike.

I can only assume it was a Giants fan on his way back to New York who just couldn't take the fact that New York has become losers while Philadelphia has become a winner.

Two more wins.


BallHype: hype it up!


  1. Leave it to a North Jersian Giants fan to do the research on animal cocks and their respective girth.
    I will never tire of that Chase Utley clip. To throw it back to a previous marketing campaign, 'Goosebumps' every time I hear "World Fucking Champions".

  2. I couldn't agree with you more in regard to both. Really, for all the notoriety Giants fans get, and they are true fans, they weren't that brutal really. I guess it's hard to say much when you're getting owned.

  3. I feel like an elephant would have a bigger penis then a moose. AM I wrong people?

  4. I won't dispute a New Yorker's knowledge of cocks. But that does sound logical.