Marty, I love you, I truly do. I think you are a wonderful goalie. An underappreciated netminder, even. But I have a little word of advice for you: DON'T EVER COME OUT OF YOUR NET EVER AGAIN TO TRY AND PLAY THE PUCK! YOU ARE BY FAR THE WORST GOALTENDER IN HOCKEY AT STICKHANDLING, AND YOUR DECISION-MAKING IS ATROCIOUS. HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO YOU NEED TO TURN THE PUCK OVER TO REALIZE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST LET YOUR DEFENSEMEN DO THE PUCKHANDLING?!? FUCK!
That is to say, Marty, Ron Hextall, you are not. Just because you are playing the Devils doesn't mean you have to try to stickhandle like Martin Brodeur. He's much better at it than you. Jesus. Just stay in the god damn crease and stop the puck. Let the defensemen do the hard work. Or, just fucking stop it and leave it for Coburn next time. Fucking shit. I mean, against the Devils? Really? I hate the Devils. They don't even have fans. Everyone knows if you're from North Jersey, you root for the Rangers and if you're from South Jersey, you root for the Flyers. Fuck!
I'm sorry for lashing out at you like this, Marty, but you left me no choice. Stop fucking up out there. You're better than that. Well, at least at stopping the puck. Now, just stay in the net, where you have no chance of turning the puck over 5 times in a game. Thanks.
Sincerely,
The Reverend
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