Sunday, December 21, 2008

Birds are Cooked

Drop. Bouncer. Drop. Punt. Bouncer. Drop. 2 yard pass. Punt. Bouncer. 2 yard run. Drop. Punt. Repeat.

That, in essence, was the Eagles on offense today. It was just embarrassing. After receiving the best news ever following the Cowboys' loss last night and the Buccaneers' loss this afternoon, the Eagles headed into the game knowing they controlled their own destiny to make the playoffs. Beat the Redskins and Cowboys, and they're in. Easier said than done.

The defense played their hearts out, but the offense literally dropped the game away. And so did Asante Samuel. Not taking away anything the defense did, I'd like to point out how much of a disappointment Samuel has been. The guy was brought in to get interceptions. Nothing more. Nothing less. The Eagles already had two Pro Bowl caliber corners who were reliable, but they needed someone who could take the ball away more regularly. Enter Asante Samuel, he of the most interceptions over the past few years.

Well, coming into today, Samuel had exactly 4 interceptions and 1 touchdown, not exactly gaudy numbers. No, Samuel has been more accustomed to dropping interceptions, kind of like he did in the Super Bowl last year--an interception that would have iced the game for the Patriots. And today, he had another chance to come up with a huge interception. Instead, he dropped it, and the Eagles were pinned inside their own 10 yet again. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Asante Samuel fucking blows. I'm no genius, but I know Lito usually caught the ball when it was thrown at him. Asante just drops it. You blow, Asante.

And speaking of drops, how about DeSean Jackson? Wow. Just an absolutely awful, awful day. With the team desperately needing a big play, Donovan finds you deep behind the defense, all alone, and delivers the ball. And you drop it. Then, on a potential game-tying touchdown, Donovan found you again, stuck the ball right in there, and you dropped it. Way to go, superstar. You really hate the end zone, don't you?

And don't think you're getting off easy there either, McNabb. All you seemed to do most of the game was throw the ball in the ground, behind your receivers or nowhere close to anyone. It was awful. In your defense, the receivers rarely got open, but shit, you were off big time, holding the ball too long, taking sacks, and, oh yeah, fumbling the ball--which led to the only touchdown of the game. It was a horrendous performance, kind of like L.J. Smith, who just really sucks at football in general. L.J. made some of his usual lackadaisical drops, and also completely failed to block Chris Horton on a Brian Westbrook pass that would have probably went for a touchdown if L.J. had just picked up Horton. Instead, he ran right by Horton, who tackled Westbrook before he could even get the first down.

You suck, L.J. Can't wait till your gone.

Same for you, Reggie Brown. Man, was it nice having you inactive. It's a shame Hank and Curtis were hurt, meaning you had to start. You can't get open. You can't catch. And, with the game on the line, practically no time left and your team near the end zone, you can't even run a proper route into the end zone. Instead, you cut it off short, get tackled at the one and end the game. Way to go, Einstein. Go back to the bench ... for-fucking-ever.

Oh, and my favorite pal, Andy. Sweet fucking christ are you the dumbest, most stubborn coach to ever walk an NFL sideline. Excluding the Browns game, the Eagles turned the season around by becoming a balanced offense, running and passing interchangeably. Prior to that, the offense looked horrible because all Reid did was dial up pass play after pass play. So what does he do with the playoffs in sight and two of his receivers hurt? Pass the ball every damn play. What. The. Fuck?

The Eagles ran 64 plays on offense. 46 of them were throws. 16 were rushes, 2 of which were scrambles by McNabb. That means, in a game that the Eagles never trailed by more than 10 points, Reid and Marty Mornhingweg called 48 pass plays and just 14 run plays. Granted, it's a little skewed due to the 4th quarter, but honestly, they ran the ball just 16 times in the entire game. With two receivers out. One who starts and the other who plays a lot. Against a good pass defense.

Someone please explain this to me. Wait, don't bother. I don't even want to know.

Honestly, this team should be completely ashamed of itself. Well, this offense anyway. Jim Johnson and his defense don't have anything really to be ashamed of. Sure, there were times that the Redskins' offensive line was handling their small front, but they held the Skins to just 10 points and just 249 yards of offense in a game that they were repeatedly put in bad spots due to the offense. Excluding that atrocious drop by Samuel, and the equally terrible drop by Quintin Mikell in the end zone, the Eagles defense played incredibly well. The offense, the pride and joy of Andy and Marty, sucked horribly.

Now it will take a miracle to make the playoffs. That was an inexcusable, embarrassing display by the New York Mets Philadelphia Eagles. Heads should roll. And we all know, unfortunately, that Andy's fat face won't be one of them. I fucking hate these guys. Merry fucking Christmas, Eagles. You all deserve nothing but coal in your stockings. And a punch to the face. Every last one of you.

BallHype: hype it up!


  1. All I want for Christmas is a new head coach/GM. I preferably want both, but come on, Andy is locked in. He is not going anywhere. He is clearly incapable of doing both jobs. There is talent on this team, but they are clearly lacking in some areas. The playcalling has always been a problem as has the time managment. Greg Lewis is a problem. Dan Klecko, while I admire him and kinda like him, is a problem. No 1st round picks for 2 years, problem. These are the things a real GM would have taken care of. Please Mr. Lurie, do something about this. You will make more money if you win a super bowl. We know thats why your here.

  2. You forgot to mention the horrible clock management. With 2:16 left in the 1st half and the clock running, why not wait to the 2:00 minute warning to punt. Just punt right away and give the other team an additional 10 seconds. Moronic.

    In the second half we use a time out in the 1st minute while the clock wasn't running because they can't get the play in on time. It would have been nice to have that timeout at the end of the game.
    After 10 years, Andy Reid is still a total moron with clock management.