Thursday, September 25, 2008

An Actual Bomb Would Have Saved Me the Trouble

So I'm sitting in my office, getting ready for the Phils game, when I get this text message from a friend who works in the Spectrum at 4:48 p.m.:

Bomb scare at citizens bank?

Naturally, I think he's pulling my leg. You see, my friend has a habit of trying to get people to believe ridiculous things. But just to be sure, I started scanning the Internet., nothing. Comcast, nothing. But finally, I ventured over to CBS 3 and lo and behold: there were suspicious packages found near Pattison and Darian, fans were evacuated from Citizens Bank Park (but not players) and the Philadelphia bomb squad was summoned—for what turned out to be freakin hot dogs.

What a freakin joke. Way to get on top of that one Philadelphia. I must say, however, that is pretty hilarious. And CBS 3 did a great job covering it and getting updates., on the other hand, didn't have a single mention of the incident when I left my office at 6:15 p.m. That's seems pretty awful if you ask me.

Anyway, I wish there actually was a God damn bomb at the ballpark last night, because it would have saved me the trouble of witnessing one of the worst baseball games in my life. From the moment I entered the stadium, things just weren't right. I headed over to get a Schmidter, and right as I turned the corner to get in line, three Braves fans entered in front of me. And they were all women. Fat women. And they knew nothing about baseball. And took forever to decide if all of them wanted food or not. Shockingly, all three huge beasts got a sandwich.

After that wonderful experience, I started to head to my seat—Section 233, Row 7, Seat 8. In all the games I've been to, and there's been many, I've never sat in 233. I wasn't quite sure where it was, and I was quite baffled when I tried to get there. When you enter from the third base gate, you immediately see section 133, so I assumed 233 would be right above it. Good assumption right? Wrong. In fact, the steps right near the third base gate say you can get to 212-232, not 233. What the hell?

Apparently you have to go up the escalators or ramp near the Schmidter stand to get to 233. No one told me this, so I said, "Fuck it," and went up to the Hall of Fame Club, walked through and finally found 233. And let me tell you something about section 233, it sucks. There is only one concession, and it only sells Miller Lite.

I hate Miller Lite. It's easily my least favorite beer on the planet. Yet other people really seem to enjoy it. Especially chicks. I just don't get it. It's horrible. Just like section 233, where you can't see the left field corner or the giant scoreboard screen. The view to home is nice, but as a whole, the section is terrible. I hope to never sit in section 233 again in my life.

And as if sitting in a horrible section and drinking Miller Lite wasn't bad enough, Brett Myers decided he wants to be a closer again and sabotaged the Phils right from the start. He gave up two runs in the first inning, and the Braves were smacking Brett around like he smacks his wife.

Still, after Brett gave up another in the 3rd to make it a 3-1 game, the Phils battled back to make it 3-2, and Ryan Howard tied the game in the 4th with his 47th homer of the season. Then Brett gave it right back. Immediately. To the tune of 3 runs. After a fly out, Myers walked Martin Prado. Then McCann doubled home Prado. Then he intentionally walked Casey Kotchman.

Finally, about 2 innings too late, Charlie came out and got his opening day starter, but Chad Durbin didn't fair much better, although it wasn't his fault. The latest MVP favorite showed why he might not deserve it: he sucks at fielding. Like, worse than a little leaguer. Howard made a horrific throw on a grounder, hitting Kotchman in the back with his throw, allowing McCann to score. Then Durbin got Jeff Francoeur on strikes and the inning should have been over. But it wasn't. Thanks to Howard.

Some guy named Brandon Jones then singled in Kotchman, Eyre came in to face Chipper Jones, and Chipper crushed a 3-run homer. Just like that a 3-3 game became 9-3. Nice.

The line for Myers last night: 4 and a third innings pitched, 10 hits, 6 runs, 4 earned, 2 walks, 3 strikeouts—and it should have been worse. The Braves were absolutely smoking Brett all night long, even when they got out. Last night's terrible outing was actually an improvement for Myers over his last start, where he went 4 innings, gave up 9 hits and ten earned runs and walked 2 in Florida. In case you're keeping score, that's a total of 8 and a third innings pitched, 19 hits, 16 runs and 14 earned runs in his last two starts. Looks like someone is itching to be an IronPig again.

The thing is, this just makes no sense at all. What the hell is wrong with this guy? He was absolutely dreadful to start the season, but since his stint in the minors he's been lights out. Hell, in his start before his meltdown in Miami, Brett pitched a complete game two-hitter. And then 16 runs in 8 innings to follow up? What?!? This guy is just the ultimate headcase. And I hate him. That was two of the worst pitching performances I've ever seen, and they came when the division is on the line. Pathetic.

It was a horrible game. The only good part (besides tying it up briefly) occurred in the 8th inning. With Victorino on 3rd and the Phils down 6 runs, Julian Tavarez pulled this bush-league maneuver, and Shane didn't respond so kindly.

Victorino vs. Tavarez from on Vimeo.

Thank The Fightins for the video. That was pretty cool. I'm guessing Shane had some unflattering words about Tavarez's mother or maybe called him the son of a terrorist whore.

The truth of the matter is there should have been a fight in this game. Now, I know it would be foolish for the Phils to have anyone get involved that is a big part of the team and might be suspended, but with a 6-run lead in the 8th inning, Josh Anderson stole 2nd. That's a no-no my friends. And if I had my way, I would have put in someone like Adam Eaton and had him beam everyone until he got thrown out, especially in the ninth after the whole Tavarez shenanigans. But no. Apparently the unwritten rules don't matter to the Phillies or Braves, even in a game that was a blowout.

Luckily, the Cubs pulled it out against the Mets, so the Phils still lead by 1.5, and that lead will be either 1 or 2 at the end of the day with the Phillies idle and the Mets finishing things up with the Cubs (weather-permitting). All in all, it was a pathetic series. After attending a great game in the series opener, the last two nights I wish I hadn't wasted my time or money. But that's pretty much all we can do with this team. Waste our time, money and energy to support them, only to be disappointed one way or the other. Please, please just sweep the Nationals. That's all I ask.

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